If your friends were willing to reveal their true thoughts about you, would you be OK with that?
For example, could you handle hearing that you are arrogant and self-serving, even though you think you are tolerant and open-minded? (Just one example among many.) Mind you, these are friends who are willing to be brutally honest. Can you handle the truth?
I think that there are some truths that don't need to be spoken. I could (and have) handled it, but I think that a true friend would never shatter your self-image by directly criticizing something about you that you are fond of believing (however wrongly) is true. A person needs to be the hero in their own life, and they need friends who respect that hero, too, not critics--even if you ask them to be "brutally honest". We all need our little delusions to get through the day. No?
I'm not sure what my reaction would be, but I would like to try. I reserve the right to say "stop" if I think I will get sick. However, I hardly think that I'd be surprised by what they say.
Hahaha "I reserve the right to say "stop"..." Good points. If they're your real friends, I agree: you shouldn't be surprised by what they say, in my opinion.
Hello Ms. Dora,
I also doubt that you'd be surprised. You're our resident true blue person who always tries to "walk the talk" & we all appreciate it.
Yeeeeeup, I love truth and honesty so the more truthful they are the better. I'd love it! No matter how good or bad it isss.
Good for you! You must be a very strong person. I used to believe, as you do, that the more truth the better. Sometimes you just need support, true or not quite . Maybe that's how to tell real vs. fake friends: supportive or not.
Poetic Philosophy, I say it's all in the delivery. However, you sound like someone who can take it either way. I love it!
I have a saying in my life. Keep my friends close, my enemies closer. Not that I seek out enemies, surely not.
But, I once was the recipient of a public outcasting by a relative that sought to relay openly on FB that I'm not a real relative because I was adopted.
So having experienced that, I can honestly say it opened a door to new opportunity for me to move forward without looking back.
Well said! Sorry for your unfortunate incident, but you have a good outlook on it!
Wow! That's harsh. I'm so glad you came out the other side with your optimism intact, CraftytotheCore. It would take e awhile to get to that point.
I STRONGLY disagree with someone saying someone is not a "real relative", by the way, because they were adopted. That's just wrong, ignorant , mean, and stupid, if not the opposite of the truth: they were CHOSEN and WANTED. [/Off soapbox for Crafty]
I'd be fine with it. Clearly if they're my (friends) they must also find many redeeming qualities in me as well. People tend not to befriend those they don't like. If we're friends they probably "secretly admire" those qualities in me. :-)
Overall I've come to realize that the older one becomes the less concern they are with other people think and that includes family and friends. Nobody is perfect! :-)
As the saying would have it, "Nothing is true, except I perceive it so", which is refined by Keats when he declares, "the axioms of philosophy are not axioms until we feel them on our pulse." What my good friend declares to be true of me--when that brutal honesty is asked of him--can not be trusted any more than his general perception of me in routine life, when "brutal honesty" is NOT required. All sorts of trickery comes into play here, Savvy--for example, if YOU ask my best friend to be brutally honest about me, he will answer YOU in quite a different way than if I asked him the same question. And if a marketing co. said they were surveying something or other about me and wanted "the brutal Truth about me", they'd get a clutch of different responses. In other words, it's a non-question. A tidy proposition that will always get lost in the filters of subjectivity it must deal with. Maybe if 1000 people said that I was a complete jerk, you'd have to pay a little attention!
Hi moonfroth. Your comments are always fascinating. It is true that I have received the "brutal truth" from some who claimed to know me. In truth, they did not. But, my one true friend will tell me that which resonates - lovingly, as quildon said.
Tel me u luv me
I luv u
Cn I beleev u
That's another ques
do u luv me
lie dn & I'll show u
that's nt luv
oh, but WORDS r?
hmm, maybe I WILL lie dn........
Good one. For a minute there, I thought you were proposing. Anyhow, I see your point, but I maintain that one person knows me well enough to at least give me pause, though I do like Scarlett, and think about it
another day. Great poem, moonfroth
This is a great question because we sometimes wonder if people are really our friends, and what they say about us when our backs are turned. So, yes, I would like to hear what they really think of me, but at the same time if they are my friends I would expect them to speak the truth to me in love, not being brutal, but honest and loving.
This is a very good question, one that a friend and I got into a rather heated argument about several months ago. I absolutely want to know what my friends think of me, I absolutely do not want someone to be in my life and pretend that everything is hunky-dory when in reality they think I am a such and such. There is too much pussy footing around other peoples feelings when I reality you yourself are just too scared to say anything. If I said something and it bothered you, either ignore it and continue our relationship, or tell me very politely, "Hey, that hurt." I am not saying that I would always have the best response to the truth, but yes, I do think that I could handle it and find ways to look inside myself and see if this is an area of my character that I need to work on.
Hi Lopez UnLeashed. As one philosopher said, "Know Thyself." The brutal truth is tough to hear, unless the delivery is thoughtful; however, you are strong to be able to look inside! The trick is in figuring out if the friend truly knows us.
SAVVY--Aha! Your response is about as solid as a blob of mercury skittering across a polished mirror! Subjectivity THIS vague and evasive will simply invalidate itself, seems to me.
Guilty as charged, moonfroth. You're not afraid to tell me the truth. That's why I like you.
And I you! In fact, you're so savvy if we weren't a couple of thousand miles apart, I'd ask you for a date.......though I'm quite sure there's a Mr. Savvy down the hall who would have something to say about that.
... not to mention, moonfroth, a Mrs. Clark, who would most certainly object. But I love that you would ask me out. We would both solve and disagree on life, into the wee hours -- over Scotch neat, and Grey Goose, on the rocks.
It will be okay to me for we have blind self and we cannot please all people. They share there thoughts to you because they are concern with you. if they stop making issues and sharing about you then they are no longer interested with you. Saying thoughts and impressions to a friend either good or bad is okay for a friend must accept what he/she cant see, to improve more.
According to shrek; Friends are cruelly honest, but there is a limitation. A friend must consider proper timing to say negative things to a friend so that the person that will be hearing the negative ones will not be upset too much.
I agree KenDeanAguado. Timing is so very important. A true friend will only say something because he/she thinks it is important. It may hurt the friend just as much to be honest, as it would be far easier to remain silent, rather than risk rejection.
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