Disharmony in Marriage:Should the efforts be made to ADJUST or go for DIVORCE to save time & energy?
Try to do anything to safe your marriage. If you lost all your energy on this, after endless loving attempts, you should consider and discuss divorce.
Sure, it is a good thought. But my question is that having identified and accepted the presence of disharmony, should one not happily proceed to separate and save time, money and use it on other goals of life.
I guess disharmony doesn't mean you shouldn't try to save your relation. My experience is you'll always regret if you didn't try to give everything you have, until total exhaustion.
Too often people enter into marriage with the feeling that if it doesn't work, they will move on. Marriage should be entered into with the attitude that you will honor that bond and commitment with every fiber of your being...and fight for it. Communicate, compromise, and honor your partner above anyone else. Talk it out.
I personally believe the #1 cause for divorce is and always has been (selecting) the "wrong mate" for oneself. This happens for a variety of reasons such as getting married before you know yourself ( your wants, needs, and desires) in a mate for life, marrying someone you have not spent enough time with to figure out if you want and expect the same things from a marriage, or getting married for the wrong reasons; (age goal, unplanned pregnancy, all your friends were doing it.) Some people even get married because (their) mate (loves them) even if they don't feel the same way about him or her.
Divorce is nothing more than a public admission that a mistake was made. Our society tends to say human beings make mistakes but the one exception to this rule (apparently) for some is getting married! It's not politically correct to admit this happens!
Logically we know not everyone we have relationships with are suitable and compatible for us long term.
Another myth is: getting divorce is "the easy way out." Trust me, getting married is a LOT easier than going through a divorce! Making a dramatic change in one's life and possibly those of children if there are any is not a "cake walk".
Last but not least; (You) are responsible for your happiness. Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. We are also entitled to have our own "deal breakers". The reality is you cannot control or change another person.
There is no amount of "work" or "communication" that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.
Anyone who is unhappy in a marriage and chooses to stay is (choosing) to be unhappy. If you or your mate needs to change their (core) being in order to make a relationship work it clearly means in my opinion that a mistake was made in the mate selection process.
People want to be loved and accepted for they (are).
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships; we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.
Know yourself, Love yourself, and Trust yourself. Only you know what is right for you. It's your life. Take the wheel!
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
It is a very beautiful answer giving a balanced approach to the issue. Your thoughts are worth reading more than once. Thank you. With your permission, I'd like to quote you if I ever write on this subject. Thanks
Sundeep Kataria, Feel free to quote me. Much of what I have said here comes from my book: My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) http://www.amazon.com/Cat-Wont-Bark-Rel … 1468104721
true true. Its a matter of weather you still love that person but every effort should still be made to make it work and then if it doesn't then divorce
An unhappy marriage can be worked on but if only one person is working at their marriage then it is time to get out. It takes to make a marriage or break a marriage. if communication is difficult then a marriage would feel the same.
All of these answers are right but I would like to add that if there are children involved a great effort should be made to stay married unless it is directly harmful to the child such as abuse. Children do suffer greatly because of divorce. I would further add that a big key is LOVE. If the love is completely damaged and gone. No amount of talking will fix the problems and if you can go separate ways without hate and anger it is perhaps for the best to divorce.
If you both don't love each other than it is better to go for divorce and move on so that you can a better guy or girl with whom you can spend life happily.
by Hilda 8 years ago
How does someone know if that person is the right one? Should one rush into marriage.
by ib radmasters 4 years ago
The ultimate problem with two people wanting to have a loving long term relationship is MARRIAGE.Marriage is an implied vague and ambiguous contract that has been used forever. When the couple in the marriage decide to leave the marriage this implied marriage contract is useless. Divorce then...
by OpinionDuck 7 years ago
Once we took the till death do us part out of it, it became useless.
by Cat 5 years ago
What do you do when you realize you married a jerk?What do you do when you marry the "perfect" person and after the "new" wears off, you realize he/she is a jerk? Is it for better or worse or run for the door?
by Tina Boomerina 2 years ago
Why don't people in their 20s and 30s get married anymore?In the 70s, when I was in my twenties, men and women got married and, usually, wanted to have families. What has happened to change that?
by Krzysztof Willman 2 years ago
Is it okay to never want to get married and will society accept it?
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