Disharmony in Marriage:Should the efforts be made to ADJUST or go for DIVORCE to

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   Sundeep Katariaposted 11 years ago

   Disharmony in Marriage:Should the efforts be made to ADJUST or go for DIVORCE to save time & energy?
   
   

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   Buildrepsposted 11 years ago

   Try to do anything to safe your marriage. If you lost all your energy on this, after endless loving attempts, you should consider and discuss divorce.

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      Sundeep Katariaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Sure, it is a good thought. But my question is that having identified and accepted the presence of disharmony, should one not happily proceed to separate and save time, money and use it on other goals of life.

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      Buildrepsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I guess disharmony doesn't mean you shouldn't try to save your relation. My experience is you'll always regret if you didn't try to give everything you have, until total exhaustion.

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   PoeticFailosophyposted 11 years ago

   suicide pact
   ............................................................................

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      crazymom3posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      that's crazy talk!

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   Too often people enter into marriage with the feeling that if it doesn't work, they will move on.  Marriage should be entered into with the attitude that you will honor that bond and commitment with every fiber of your being...and fight for it.  Communicate, compromise, and honor your partner above anyone else. Talk it out.

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      Sundeep Katariaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Very well said. Bondage and commitment are the pillars of a successful and happy marriage. Thank you.

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   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   I personally believe the #1 cause for divorce is and always has been (selecting) the "wrong mate" for oneself. This happens for a variety of reasons such as getting married before you know yourself ( your wants, needs, and desires) in a mate for life, marrying someone you have not spent enough time with to figure out if you want and expect the same things from a marriage, or getting married for the wrong reasons; (age goal, unplanned pregnancy, all your friends were doing it.) Some people even get married because (their) mate (loves them) even if they don't feel the same way about him or her.
   Divorce is nothing more than a public admission that a mistake was made. Our society tends to say human beings make mistakes but the one exception to this rule (apparently) for some is getting married! It's not politically correct to admit this happens!
   Logically we know not everyone we have relationships with are suitable and compatible for us long term.
   Another myth is: getting divorce is "the easy way out." Trust me, getting married is a LOT easier than going through a divorce! Making a dramatic change in one's life and possibly those of children if there are any is not a "cake walk".
   Last but not least; (You) are responsible for your happiness. Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. We are also entitled to have our own "deal breakers". The reality is you cannot control or change another person.
   There is no amount of "work" or "communication" that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.
   Anyone who is unhappy in a marriage and chooses to stay is (choosing) to be unhappy. If you or your mate needs to change their (core) being in order to make a relationship work it clearly means in my opinion that a mistake was made in the mate selection process.
   People want to be loved and accepted for they (are).
   There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships; we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.
   Know yourself, Love yourself, and Trust yourself. Only you know what is right for you. It's your life. Take the wheel!
   "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
   - Oscar Wilde

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      Sundeep Katariaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      It is a very beautiful answer giving a balanced approach to the issue. Your thoughts are worth reading more than once. Thank you.  With your permission, I'd like to quote you if I ever write on this subject. Thanks

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Sundeep Kataria, Feel free to quote me. Much of what I have said here comes from my book: My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) http://www.amazon.com/Cat-Wont-Bark-Rel … 1468104721

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      crazymom3posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      true true. Its a matter of weather you still love that person but every effort should still be made to make it work and then if it doesn't then divorce

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   DDEposted 11 years ago

   An  unhappy marriage can be worked on but if only one person is working at their marriage then it is time to get out.  It takes to make a marriage or break a marriage. if communication is difficult then a marriage would feel the same.

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   crazymom3posted 11 years ago

   All of these answers are right but I would like to add that if there are children involved a great effort should be made to stay married unless it is directly harmful to the child such as abuse. Children do suffer greatly because of divorce. I would further add that a big key is LOVE. If the love is completely damaged and gone. No amount of talking will fix the problems and if you can go separate ways without hate and anger it is perhaps for the best to divorce.

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      Sundeep Katariaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I appreciate your larger view point crazymom3, of being considerate for other members of family - especially children. But imagine a situation where you would not like children to helplessly go through some bad experiences !

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   rocko hunterposted 11 years ago

   If you both don't love each other than it is better to go for divorce and move on so that you can a better guy or girl with whom you can spend life happily.

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