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Why are the stable marriages rare these days ?
It is an unfortunate phenomenon these days that couples part ways very soon and enter into new realtionships just to experience a fresh break up. When I think about a marriage relationship, I see it as a relationship that we enter into calling someone as mother,father,sister and brother, relationships that can not be broken even if we want to. Then why do we not accord the same sanctity to this special relationship that is called marriage and make it enduring for a life time ?
I myself am in an estranged relationship and attribute the major problem in marriages to 1) constructive communication and 2) lack of financial planning. Actually, the latter probably wouldn't matter so much if both parties in the relationship put spirituality first.
The all-consuming activity of making money puts a stress on the individual and the couple, thus making time for intimacy and the sharing of dreams and deep feelings at risk.
My daughter watches "Til Debt Do Us Part," a television series devoted to fixing financial debt and relationship issues between couples. The hostess of the program states that "debt is the number one reason couples split up."
Infidelity results from that lack of intimacy, especially when one's schedule is different from the other's. Everyone wants to be loved. Until we've reached a higher state of consciousness, divorce rates will undoubtedly continue. One has to be able to see and appreciate the freedom within the so-called confines of the relationship. The extent to which one feels emotionally malnourished is an indicator of the stability of the marriage. And, one's personal character as to whether he or she has a conscience and listens to it always comes into play. If one is from a broken home, that individual will more than likely repeat the pattern. In other words, divorce begets divorce.
Ultimately, the karma gets balanced. There is such a thing as having grown out of a relationship. In that case, when one has learned from whatever ego entanglements the relationship posed, it is time to move on with one's life, especially if it is to answer a higher calling to perform "the greatest good for the greatest number of people." ~~~
Marie Flint, I agree to your view that we must sprinkle some spirituality on us to appreciate good as well as bad traits in our partner and move with lives with a greater understanding. Spilt ups are there cause couple fail to gauge each other well.
You have to wonder if marriage really has changed all that much or is it people's (expectations) of marriage have changed.
One thing for certain is the biggest change since the 1950s era has been more equality for women. Women today have better career opportunities and higher pay than previous generations of women. This gives them more independence financially. In essence today's woman has more "options" than her grand-mother or great-grand-mother had.
In the U.S. It has been reported that (women) initiate 66% or roughly 2/3rd of all divorce filings. The more options one has the less crap they will take! :-)
Historically we have always measured the success of a marriage only in terms of how long it has lasted on paper. We didn't care if the couple slept in separate bedrooms, lived in different areas of the house, barely talked to one another, stopped being intimate. Statistically we called simply "staying together" a successful and happy marriage.
I personally believe the #1 cause for divorce is and always has been (selecting) the "wrong mate" for oneself. This happens for a variety of reasons such as getting married before you know yourself ( your wants, needs, and desires) in a mate for life, marrying someone you have not spent enough time with to figure out if you want and expect the same things from a marriage, or getting married for the wrong reasons; (age goal, unplanned pregnancy, all your friends were doing it.) Some people even get married because (their) mate (loves them) even if they don't feel the same way about him or her.
Divorce is nothing more than a public admission that a mistake was made. Our society tends to say human beings make mistakes but the one exception to this rule (apparently) for some is getting married! It's not politically correct to admit this happens!
Logically we know not everyone we have relationships with are suitable and compatible for us long term. Most of us fail our way to success in relationships.
Divorce myth: Many people have this belief that getting a divorce is "the easy way out." The truth is it's a LOT easier to get married than it is to go through a divorce! Splitting up assets, paying legal fees, and alternating time with children is no "cake walk". It takes courage to make any major changes in one's life.
Anyone who is unhappy in a marriage and chooses to stay is (choosing) to be unhappy. You can't change your mate. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted for who they (are).
dashingscorpio, humans are all imperfect and to search about everything pleasing and satisfying in our partner causes conflicts in our lives. We fallible are to move with our vices and virtues and remember that only God is 100% fit and not we.
Harishprasad, We agree human beings are "imperfect" which means we (make mistakes) and sometimes we choose the (wrong) partner/spouse for ourselves. Not everyone marries the person God intended for us to be with. Oftentimes we (ignore) red flags!
I have a lot of views on the whole marriage thing. Times have changed in a sense. Years ago women were not always working. Many times simply caring for the children and their husbands. It didn't matter if a person was happy or with the right person because divorce would make them both look bad. People were stuck suffering in silence dealing with unhappiness. Men had very few options if they were in a sexless marriage. Women were stuck in abusive relationships.
We are at a time now where no one is stuck sitting through an abusive relationship. No one has to live in a spiteful sexless home. There are options. If communication fails? Why not get divorced? Is there something good that comes from simply suffering out an unhappy relationship.
Ideally a marriage would last a life time. However I have been divorced and am now remarried. I will never advocate a spouse staying with an abusive partner. If communication does not fix the problem, you are with the wrong person. No point in staying with the wrong person forever. It's better for all involved to move on.
peeples, the reasons for severing ties that you have quoted are all valid and I agree to that extent but the people who aspire everything perfect in their spouse are deficient in art of living and indulge in break ups on frivolous pretexts.
Harishprasad, It's unrealistic to expect anyone to be perfect! However it's commonsense that people who tend to agree on the (major things in life) also tend to be happier and have less fights. The goal is to chose someone who shares your values!
I am not averse to all that but one should not be too rigid so far comparability for each other is concerned. An accommodative attitude plays a magic in living. Thank you for such a nice response having a great depth and all wisdom.
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