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What To Do When You and Your Grown Children Don't Get Along
There is a growing trend & an ongoing heartache when parent's adult children cut them off and grandchildren are not around for the holidays. Can anyone relate to this?
I can relate to this. My parents were never there for me at all. They cared about their own well being before me, they treated me worse than my other brothers because I was the only one with a different father than my siblings. I am now 20 years old and I don't make any attempt to contact them or even tell them where I am. If they didn't treat me like I was their kid in the past, I'm not letting them in my life now and its just fine for me.
I feel for you, as I too was an unloved child & purposefully estranged from my mom. Through the grace of God, I managed to forgive her after she transitioned. I have 2 adult children, I gave the love I didn't get. Forgiveness is a way to healing.
Oftentimes it's the result of the adult children never getting over how they were treated by their parents as a child. It's unfortunate we only get one set of "formative years". Things that were said to us tend to stay with us. Severe punishments are also never forgotten. If a parent was controlling or manipulative and never allowed their child to make any decisions of their own even as they approached their late teen years these are things that will cause them to want to escape.
When I left college I moved to California which was 2000 miles away from my family. It was wonderful to be "free". I didn't go back "home" for a visit for 8 years. Although I eventually had better relationships with both my parents I kept my private life private for the most part. I never had children so there was no need to keep them away from grand-children.
Many years ago I read a book titled "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward. It helped me pull away from my parents without feeling obligated to put up with stuff I didn't agree with. In other words I was prepared mentally to cut them off for good if (they) didn't change how they interacted with me.
There were no ultimatums given or anything along those lines I just kept my distance and privacy. This led to them respecting me and treating me like an adult.
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