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What do do if wife is pressuring me to have a child?
She gives her reasons of her "biological clock" (she's only 34 right now). But my reasons is because of the added expenses a child incurs as well as our living situation (not much space for another person). What do I tell her, or how can I tell her my feelings? She doesn't seem to listen.
Here is some advice for the other direction.
1. Once a woman gets baby fever it never goes away. No matter how hard you try.
2. If you worry about money. You will never have kids. There will never be enough.
3. Once a woman has it in her. Head that she wants a baby. There is no argument that could change her mind.
4. If its something you might want. Don't look for excuses, you will always have a one.
Item #2 hit me the hardest. Agree 100%. All other comments make complete sense. Thank you.
Your welcome. I know that sometimes, its hard to find a good way to live your life happily. These are just things I have learned. And have been told. He fully, of didn't drag you down though.
I can totally understand her as if you wait to much longer there can be risks involved for your babies.Also if there are problems conceiving you get to an age where you are too old to adopt .
The joy of having a child outweighs having plenty of money .
I had my 3 children by the age of 27 and loved it !
Babies don't take up a lot of space but bring a lot of joy !
I once heard the following quote from a motivational speaker.
"If you want something you will find a way and if you don't you will find an excuse."
I believe the first thing you need to do is determine whether or not (you) really want kids period. There's nothing wrong with not having children. In fact people who don't want kids should not have them. A child is not a "gift" one person gives to another. It deserves to be loved and wanted by (both) parents.
Secondly if you have determined that you do not want children you have to be completely honest with your wife. Bear in mind this may be a "deal breaker" for her. Nonetheless going your separate ways is better than having a child whom you resent for bringing added stress, responsibility, financial expenses.
Now if you've determined that you really do want to have children then set a time to start trying to make it happen. Maybe you state a year from now. That will give you 12 months to start setting aside money. Maybe the two of you can work extra hours or part-time to pay off debts, get a bigger place, or simply build up cash reserves.
Consider your future options as to whether either of you will be a "stay at home parent" or if you will have to shell out cash for daycare. Find out how much that runs. In fact it may be a good exercise to put together the total cost of carrying additional health insurance, daycare, food, clothing, and so on. To be honest with you I believe most people just choose to have a baby and not worry about anything. They simply tell themselves "we'll make it work." That's not how I would want to live my life though. In fact I decided I didn't want children and elected to have a vasectomy. Naturally I was honest with every woman I dated about me not having a desire to have children. I also never assumed my baby would be born without life-long health issues. I imagine one has to believe (their) child will be born healthy regardless of all the news stories about babies born with various medical conditions.
Do something completely amazing....Have a baby. Stop thinking about it and just do it. I'm not trying to push you into an area in which you are at this point really afraid, but this is a moment for you to start embracing life, and trust me my friend, when her eyes open for the first time, you will feel like a fool for not doing this sooner. Do not be scared. Get pregnant, and spoil that kid for the rest of her life.
P.S. I think you are going to have a girl.
When the time is right but there is no right time having a child takes lots of planning at the age of 34 should be right but if you are not ready then this situation sounds very complicated.
Sit down at the kitchen table, with all of the bills. If you two made goal lists get those, too. Have an open, adult conversation being very careful of each other's feelings. Tell her that if she can convince you that you are ready to make a baby today. Biological clock is a tough one to argue, but get a couple of pens, paper, and each of you make a pro and con list. If you don't have any goal lists make those, also. Compare them. Talk intelligently about the pros and cons. And don't forget to babysit a real baby for a week, a whole week. A baby in diapers, and as young as a friend or family member will trust you with for a week. Suggest a foster child for a while, to find out the actual impact of a child. There are some children who are between home and being put in a real home because of court. Good luck, either way.
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