If someone argues with you, but apologises the next day, should you forgive them

1. 92

   sangreposted 10 years ago

   If someone argues with you, but apologises the next day, should you forgive them?
   
   Something was misunderstood & this caused irritation, which then led to argument.

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2. 73

   CraftytotheCoreposted 10 years ago

   I always try to give a person the benefit of a doubt.
   
   When someone is sincere and apologizes for a misunderstanding, I believe it's good to keep communication open with that person.
   
   It's when a person uses manipulation repeatedly and dishes out false apologies with no sincerity that it's time to cut ties with that person.

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      sangreposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks CraftytotheCore. That's good advice, I try not to stay mad for very long as it's a useless endeavour.  But sometimes it takes time to move on from it.

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3. 86

   tsmogposted 10 years ago

   I think apologies are an oddity many times. There is a lot of etiquette regarding apologies. Experience teaches many times apologies are more centered on the emotions of the arguing and not the argument. That for me of the least is more forgivable, although fair warning of not condoning such behavior may be offered. I feel those are separate issues.
   
   Emotions sometimes are the affect of many other contributing feelings having  nothing to do with argument. Like only minutes ago learning some bad news and that is fueling emotions at the time of the argument. The outside energy is affecting the emotions reflected during the argument. They are not related.
   
   Forgiving the argument itself is something entirely different. I can forgive someone for being wrong or myself being in the wrong and taking a stand. I respect that. Their is  nothing wrong with a good argumentative discussion. That is how progress occurs. Arguing a point of view.
   
   That is an essay type taught from high school through universities - an argument essay. When real life encounters face to face becomes personal attacks not based on the original argument it gets nasty at times. That is not an argument in my mind that is a fight with words. And, they hurt.

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      sangreposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      hi tsmog, thanks for your very insightful answer. You really put me thinking about it from another perspective. Hopefully we can move on from this and try to work true it. Arguing does help to clear the air. :-)

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4. 71

   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   I don't see why not. It just means after they had (some time to think about it) they realized they were either wrong or they went about it the wrong way when they were trying to make their point. No one is perfect.
   Unless it was some "deal breaker" offence involving physical abuse or personal attacks it's not a big deal. Folks disagree all the time and very few are big enough to apologize so soon afterwards.

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      sangreposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      hi dashingscorpio, that's true. Since the situation wasn't as serious as the ones you mentioned, I think what you say about forgiving is right .

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5. 0

   Dave36posted 10 years ago

   Well in my honest opinion not only you should except their apology, but inside you should thank them for the practice..This will sound mad but here me out, & let me know what you think..If she was arguing with you, then you must have been arguing with her..It doesn't matter who was right or wrong, but my point is that you both "lost it" at the time..One of the biggest things i learn't in life was that my feelings of irritation/anger etc, we're are manifested by me inside me, & the other person was not causing these feelings leading to arguments etc..If you wanted to practice emotions/feelings control you need people to want to argue with you, so that's why i say you should secretly thank people for arguing with you..So see the next person who wants to argue with you as practice for that, & see if you can control your feelings a bit better each time..Anyone who argues with you or irritates you or even hurts you etc doesn't actually want/mean to do it, it's only because they themselves have been over come by their own mind/feelings & emotions at the time..So forgive her because she might just mean it, & it's free..It is true that only fools argue, & you can't argue with a fool.

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      sangreposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Dave36, I'll never look at an argument the same way again. I get what your saying and it makes me look at what happened in a new light.

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      Dave36posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Utube Eckhart Tolle emotions/feelings control, it's fantastic advice which i only learned in the last year.It's hard to grasp unless you do the practice, but once you see it yourself your'l be hooked.No more unwanted thoughts/feelings or emotions.

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6. 93

   ChitrangadaSharanposted 10 years ago

   Yes, of course!
   It needs a large heart and courage to admit mistakes and ask for apology. So the right gesture is to forgive the person with an open mind and large heart.

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      sangreposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Chitrangada Sharon, that true. I think your point makes a lot of sense.

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7. 83

   grand old ladyposted 10 years ago

   For your own peace of mind, it's always better to forgive. However, forgiveness doesn't always mean a return to status quo. If the apology is part of a pattern, for example an abusive relationship, then you have to establish boundaries. You can forgive, but you don't have to be a victim again.
   
   Forgiveness implies that you won't seek revenge. That's why forgiveness is so important for your own personal health, because if your anger festers you may end up getting so mad you wanna get even. On the other hand, you can forgive but set a boundary. This is because forgiveness doesn't mean you will let yourself be used or abused all over again. The martyr syndrome isn't really forgiveness, it's actually weakness.

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      sangreposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      HI grand old lady, I do agree with what you say about forgiving been better for you health and about setting boundaries.  Not being taken advantage is vitally important, plus having them allows some rules to be established.

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   RTalloniposted 10 years ago

   Unpacking Forgiveness by C. Brauns is a very useful book on this topic. Don't miss the appendix info.
   This topic can be quite complex, particularly in certain cases. http://www.chrisbrauns.com/unpackingforgiveness/
   http://www.amazon.com/Unpacking-Forgive … 1581349807

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      sangreposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      HI RTalloni, thanks for sharing that book. The reviews are fantastic.

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   mathiraposted 10 years ago

   When someone argues with me in momentary anger, I easily forgive as I know it was not intentional. But when someone argues with me with an intention of hurting my feelings, it takes days before  I am normal with them. So you should see whether the person is really apologetic and if he is, you can forgive and show that you are the better of the two.

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   1. 92

      sangreposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      hi mathira, very interesting point and also very true.  Sometimes I think some people just love to cause hurt and upset.

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      Dave36posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Hey mathira do you think it's possible that whether or not a person (in your opinion) tries to hurt you intentionally or in momentary anger, in both cases they don't know their doing it as in both cases it's their mind speaking for them.

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