Have people been condescending to you by disguising their put downs in well-intentioned advice?
I am autistic, and it's a daily struggle trying not to sound or be rude. When I give advice, it oftentimes comes out in a quirky way, like it sounds funny where I'm not taken seriously, and I end up sounding impatient or pissed. Yes, and I do have a problem with being conceited, where I value myself over others(who I try to consider as my co-number one).
Yes, it's called passive aggressiveness. Many times people judge our experiences and trials and think they know best and will let you know in no uncertain terms, whether disguised as advice or not. It happened to me just the other day on facebook by a so-called good friend. I had shared a trial and she took it upon herself to chew me out for failing to confide in her, ending with something along the lines that she was there for me and call. I know she would say she was trying to let me know she was ready to be supportive. But what she did was make it about her and her hurt feelings that I didn't confide in her. It was humiliating being on a public place so I took off her remark, which I doubt she will realize.
When people are hurting is not the time to lecture, chastise, be judgmental in how you got into the trial or how you are handling it. It's about seeing that a friend is hurting and offering support. You may be saying something truthful to the friend, but there is a time and a place for those remarks and often times it is not the time or place. Good question Midget.
I am appalled by the TV shows in which this happens all the time. I especially see such a Hollywood hand in the profile of the true Southern Belle or in the eastern society ladies. I would consider my mother a TSB, and her putdowns were not so subtle. Do people really act like that? My friends say it like it is, but maybe it's just my generation. We do have a tendency to a "what you see is what you get" attitude. Sometimes it is difficult to know when that is happening in real life.
Thanks for your feedback thus far, guys. I guess conceit is the ego's self defence.
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