Is a relationship worth losing a friendship?
So I've known this guy for what feels like my whole life. My older sister and his older brother were friends, so in a way we grew up together. We became super close a few months ago and he's one of the best friends I've ever had. Recently I've developed very strong feelings for him and I think that there may be a chance he feels the same way. I'm just not sure if I want to risk a friendship like ours. I'd rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all. I'm afraid if we try dating then it won't work out and I'll lose him forever. The last thing I want is to not have him in my life.
I cant say I have ever understood this type of reasoning.
Two people are best friends. They enjoy each others company and know quite alot about each other if not "everything". The next best step, provided neither are already in a relationship, is to take it to that level.
Think of it this way, would you rather continue being friends with him and forever regret never trying it out, or take the chance of it not working out? Just because it doesnt work out doesnt mean suddenly you vanish from each others lives. One of you would have to royally mess things up for it not to work out and it ruins your whole friendship. If ex couples can remain good friends after being bitter husband and wives for x amount of years, I think you two could manage a relationship.
Random advice from the interwebs. Always 100% true and never wrong ever. You should probably have your own judgement on standby.
Someone named Dashing might be along to answer this question as well. He might make more sense of things.
Once you develop feelings that go beyond "friend", your friendship is different regardless of if you explore those feelings. Whether he's dating you or dating someone else, your feelings will still be there and will still be affecting the dynamic.
As someone who only ever dated people who were my friends first, I can say that it's not always all or nothing. Sometimes you try dating because you're not sure if there could be anything more, and when you discover that there isn't, you go back to being friends and things go on as normal. It's obviously not always that simple, and there are many outcomes. "Out of my life completely" doesn't have to be one of them. You never know until you try.
You also may find that hiding your true feelings from him, and him potentially ending up with someone else, pushes you further away from him than anything. I've played that game, too, and it ended way worse than any of my relationships.
Most people say they want their mate to be their best friend, confidant, someone they can count on through ups and downs....etc
However very often when women meet such as wonderful person they put him in the "friend zone". They then continue to tell anyone who will listen how hard it is to find a "good man"!
Generally speaking anyone who is thinking about a "potential breakup" before they've had their first official date is overthinking!
"In order to succeed your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." - Bill Cosby
If things don't work out odds are you will remain friends since you've known each other since childhood. The only way that doesn't happen is if one of you cheats or mistreats the other in some way.
Very few men are going to reject an attractive female friend's romantic interest. If you believe he's interested in you that way then maybe he's wanting a sign from you. All it takes is a kiss on the lips at the end of an outing together and then you leave. Romantic thoughts of you will swirl in his mind the rest of the evening.
Having said that you probably want to make sure of two things.
1. Is he is straight?
2. Is he dating someone/emotionally invested in another woman?
As I stated earlier if an attractive woman comes on to male friend he is generally not going to say; "We can't do this. I don't want to ruin our friendship....etc"
However if he's not genuinely interested in you then odds are this will become a "friends with benefits" arrangement in his mind.
Nevertheless if you believe he is very possible "the one" you want to spend the rest of your life with then you owe to yourself to explore dating him. Maybe you're another "When Harry Met Sally" couple.
I only want to answer this question from my own experience. I met my best friend just over 2 decades ago. We grew up together, knew each other's families and a lot of the same people. We stood by each other's sides through everything - there's nothing we have not shared or experienced together some way, somehow.
A few years ago, we took it a step further and dated. We thought nothing would change, but I soon realized that we were wanting two different things. We failed to realize that being in a relationship will inevitably change things, as you are no longer "just friends". It was too much for both of us.
Let me admit, I was the one who walked out. While I almost felt rejected (because it always felt more like a friendship rather than the progression of a relationship), it was actually him that felt the rejection. How ironic. This led to hurting on both our ends and we had an ending argument in which we didn't talk for quite some time.
Over time, I wanted to reach out to him because I missed our life long friendship, but my pride (and fear) would not allow me to. I finally did so after 2 1/2 years. Apparently he was trying to reach out to me as well - thank God
We rekindled our friendship and it's almost as if none of it ever happened. Why were we able to do that? Because this is a true friendship. We are meant to be friends, not partners. We have a love for each other that no one in this world can ever duplicate or replace - there's no "we" like ours.
You have to have a friendship in order to have a successful relationship. But friends aren't always the right ones to create a relationship with.
Our story is unique as far as we were able to renew our friendship. Not everyone will survive that. But at the same time, there are many people who marry thier best friend and stay that way. It's very individual.
My suggestion is to be sure this is something the two of you actually want to try to do and make an agreement that if either of you feel like this isn't the right thing, you'll be honest about it, and promise not to do anything that will hurt the other one on your way out, promise to never let your friendship die if the relationsihp doesn't work. If you need some time apart to heal, fine - but not forever. Forgive and forget and move forward. And if it does work out, then congratulations - you're two in few!
God bless you both...
This is unique to the friend, I think. I have had to remove myself completely out of a friend's life because my feelings developed something deeper after a few years, and he sent me mixed signals, which at first led me to think it was mutual. Then he went off and married someone who was in his life for a very long time. I was quite shocked, and the friendship just never felt the same after that. I live in the same state, just a few hours away, but despite his invitations for lunch, I just refuse to go. I don't speak to him anymore, and that was how I needed to handle it. I am not suggesting this is always the solution. Sometimes the risk of telling the other person is necessary to get everything on the table, because the regret of never saying anything, especially if there could have been an opportunity, is far more hurtful. I wish you all the best with your journey.
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