If you already know what someone is capable of and they keep hurting you, why le

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   thesage25posted 10 years ago

   If you already know what someone is capable of and they keep hurting you, why let it continue?
   
   For example, I have a friend who is in a relationship that is sort of abusive. My friend keeps telling me that the other person in the relationship keeps cheating, or beating them. However, they decide to stay in it and keep taking the abuse. I have told my friend repeatedly to sever the relationship and move on. My advice has fallen on deaf ears and they choose to stay. I think one of the reasons is fear. Fear of the other person hurting them. I say to women in these types of relationships, to conquer your fears. My advice to the ladies is to let go and move on. There are better men out there.
   
   

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2. 74

   Barine Sambarisposted 10 years ago

   I think its too much love. Love which makes u have too much faith and hope in the person that one day they'll stop just like they say they will. Faith which also makes  the victim believe she can never be severely hurt. The man would know when to stop.
   Also another reaon they stay is resignation. Most women are resigned to their fate,  thereby lacking the willpower and courage to move on. Resignation could also be as a result of improper girl child training even done by mothers where girls are taught to be submissive and docile.

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      thesage25posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with both of your points, love can negate some of the hurt, and some girls are raised to be submissive. How you were raised has a lot to do with it. I Once thought that everyone knew there self worth, and how they should be treated.

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3. 72

   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
   I've learned over the years there is no such thing as an "universal deal breaker". Whatever you or I could come up with there are people who live under those conditions and they have (no plans) of ever leaving!
   I imagine some people stay because they dislike their other options.
   If (she) thought she (could) do "better" she (would) do better.
   The beautiful thing about a door is it lets those who want in (in) and those who want out (out). No one is "stuck" with anyone! We are always where we (choose) to be. Anyone who is "unhappy" in a relationship and (chooses) to stay is (choosing) to be unhappy.
   "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
   - Oscar Wilde
   Clearly if someone is abusing you they don't think you're all that "special". Oddly enough some women in particular are reluctant to leave toxic relationships because of all the "time" they've invested in them. They think; "If I leave now all of this would have been for "nothing". Instead of thinking one more day is one day too many!
   Even NFL football player Ray Rice's fiancé married him (after) being {knocked out} in an elevator. They were high school sweethearts.
   Clearly she (knows) what kind of man she married!

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   emilyzeinertposted 10 years ago

   I was in a domestic violence relationship very similar to the one you are talking about.
   My ex used to abuse me sexually, emotionally, physically and mentally. What most people do not understand is the extent of the abuse. I, myself, did not understand the extent for a very long time. He spent months planning and working out my strengths, weakness and used them against me in a way that made it impossible to leave. He worked his way into the abuse and although I knew it was wrong, I felt powerless. He would tell me things like, "your own mother didn't love you, so you should just be happy that I'm here" because I was a foster child at one point in my life.
   He found ways to conquer my mind and devour any last ounce of self respect, self esteem and willpower I had left in me. It worked, for years he had me dangling from his fingertips like a puppet. He got so deeply ingrained into my mind that it had now been nearly 3 years since we were together and I still feel the trauma from his actions sneak their way back into my life on occasion. That guy took away not only my safety, but my entire identity.
   
   So, my advice is, encourage your friend. Remind them of who they are. Remind them what they are worth and all the great things about them, but in a way that is helpful, not preaching and do no associate it with anything to do with the partner.
   
   Good luck & I wish your friend the best in their life. It is not easy being where they are right now, but hopefully they will find their way out sooner rather than later.

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      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      "He spent months planning and working out my strengths, weakness and used them against me in a way that made it (impossible) to leave." And yet you begin by calling him your "ex". Clearly it was NOT (impossible) to leave.
      Perception is reality.

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      emilyzeinertposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You are completely right. It took me a long time to accept that I was worth more. I didn't understand that the things he was saying were manipulation and accepting the way he spoke to me. It did come down to my perception of myself and the truth.

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   GenesisAndersonposted 10 years ago

   I heard this saying that we only allow what we think we deserve in relationships and I think it is true because it is easier to hold on then let go but you are right women should know their worth.

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      thesage25posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your insight, I think that when you are in a relationship of any kind, the persons involved should be helping each other grow, and not to destroy. Anyone hurting you negatively in a literal or figurative sense does not deserve you.

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