I wouldn't go that route. If my marriage was so bad that I felt I had to have an affair, I'd insist on marriage counseling or, if that didn't work, get a divorce.
NOTHING!! NADA!! I am not even tempted because my husband has made it quite clear that, while he will tolerate anything I dish out, he will not tolerate infidelity and that I would be kicked out of our home so fast that I would not leave skid marks. My husband does not bluff so, if he states that he will divorce me without question, if I have an affair, he means it. My marriage means too much for me; it has been my biggest success to risk it on a side romance, no matter how appealing the other man may be.
There have been a couple of times where I did make inappropriate emotional connections with men and confided things with them that would have been better shared with my husband but that's as far as it went and I now recognize my mistake. But as far as sexual infidelity? No way!
Personally I wouldn't want to have an affair. I'm too lazy when it comes to trying to keep up the various lies needed to keep it a secret. Secondly in the long run it's better to go through the divorce if you're extremely unhappy than to continue to stay and use the affair as a Band-Aid. People have affairs to tolerate their marriage.
Having said that I do understand why many people have them. The goal of most cheaters is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. The majority of cheaters aren't looking to (replace) one relationship with another!
Sometimes people don't "proactively" look to cheat on their mates, It may be a situation where a stranger simply treats them special and makes them feel better about themselves. A "secret platonic friendship" develops which eventually leads to sharing one's unhappiness and feeling understood. Much like the emotion of love is often projected on a therapist, teacher, mentor...etc
Not long ago I asked a question on HP: "Is an unhappily married man more likely to cheat or file for divorce?"
Over 90% of the responses said he'd cheat!
Basically the argument is the man would look at the financial cost of going through a divorce, moving out of his home into an apartment/condo, paying child support and possibly alimony, becoming a weekend dad, and breaking the news to family, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances Versus having an affair. From that point of view cheating (seems) a like a better option. Mind you the average cheater does not expect to be caught!
Another question I once asked was: "Is sexual incompatibility enough of a reason to end a marriage?"
(Lack of sex, passion, or romance is often sited as a reason why people cheat)
Once again over 90% of the answers came back as "no". I suspect even cheaters are in agreement with that! In fact mistresses are often warned by their friends: "The husband (never leaves) the wife."
Something tells me if I had asked:
"Would you rather your mate cheat on you or leave you?" Most people would say they'd rather their mate leave them! Essentially it's the same question asked from a different point of view!
by Hui (蕙) 2 years ago
With the progress of human civilization, the growth of humanisnic quality, people tend not to discuss others' privacy, tend not to give any opinions, bad or good, right or wrong to personal lives. However, how should and can we value the ethical bottom line in our daily lives? Whether or not, this...
by plunteclark 8 years ago
my marriage is taking a turn for the worst my husband has treatede me so badly i have no desire forhe has totally isolated me from my familyand friends my life revolves around him he is verbally abusive i find myself feeling like i'm noe in love with him anymore but for some reason he act as if he...
by wifelv 23 months ago
My ex had an affair with married women and they are still together after it all began 3yrs ago. Our divorce was final 3 months ago. They are now living together. I keep waiting for them to get back what they gave out, but it seems to be taking a long time. She will not let him talk with me or see...
by cdmpls 7 years ago
I felt that it was best because if I felt that guilty it was better to open up to him..
by RealityTalk 11 months ago
Why do so many marriages end in divorceI am curious to hear from those who have gone through a divorce themselves. Why did you divorce your spouse? Why did your spouse divorce you? Do you even know? If the desire for divorce was one-sided, do you as the divorced spouse...
by affairdetector 5 months ago
Having a husband or boyfriend who cheated is a big hit to your self esteem. You begin to doubt your marriage and your ability to make your husband happy or to be enough. And there are tons of old stereotypes which imply that if a man cheats, it’s because his wife doesn’t understand him,...
Copyright © 2018 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|