Of all the wise men here in Hubpages, how do you detect a friend who is not loya

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  1. Mark Johann profile image60
    Mark Johannposted 3 years ago

    Of all the wise men here in Hubpages, how do you detect a friend who is not loyal to you anymore?

    I have a cousin who is not sure of his friends since he is humiliated in some instances when they are together.

  2. dashingscorpio profile image87
    dashingscorpioposted 3 years ago

    Oftentimes "loyalty" is defined by (our) "expectations" and the circumstances.
    There may be an instance where someone is down on their luck and their friend offers to pay for their meal or drinks or even spot them some cash. Most people would consider that the act of a loyal friend.
    On the other hand if he later told another person how broke their friend is then he/she might be considered "disloyal" in the eyes of some folks even if the friend didn't ask for it to be kept a "secret".
    Truth be told in a lot of instances the so called "disloyal friend" does not see them self as being disloyal at all. It's up to us to gage the personality of our friends before deciding what to trust them with.
    It's unrealistic to expect someone to be anything other than them self!
    Over time you get to observe their nature. Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. If someone is having problems finding loyal friends they need to re-examine their "friend selection" criteria as well as their expectations.
    Define your friendships: best friends, friends, and acquaintances.

    1. Mark Johann profile image60
      Mark Johannposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      I learned we have to choose our friends carefully. Many thanks to you.

  3. fpherj48 profile image77
    fpherj48posted 3 years ago

    Mark.....I would say that your cousin needs to examine his "reaction," to his friend's obvious and provable "actions."  There are questions he needs to ask himself during and after interactions with this friend he is suspicious of being disloyal.
    It's difficult for an outsider to give seriously helpful advice in this case, since we are not familiar with the individuals involved. 
    IMHO, nothing is better than peaceful confrontation and gut honesty.  If your cousin is feeling "humiliated," it's important that he try to understand if he may be over reacting to what is being said and done.  Since I can assume these 2 people have known one another for some time, a good indicator of disloyalty is a blatant change in the friend's attitude and unexplained avoidance.
    Your cousin is responsible to bring this situation in private conversation with his friend, if it is weighing on him heavily.
    We can "detect" and suspect all we want, but without honest dialogue, he cannot resolve this within himself.
    I wish him luck.

    1. Mark Johann profile image60
      Mark Johannposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      I like this idea of the friend's attitude and unexplained avoidance since I believe this is sometimes what happened. Thanks for the answer.


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