How to save your marriage?
What tips are required to save your marriage from divorce? Please share your experience.
Conventional wisdom says to attend couples counseling.
However there are two things they don't tell you.
1. No (one person) can save a marriage. Both people have to want it!
2.Don't wait until one of you has fallen out of love or has "checked out".
A large percentage of couples that go to counseling do so as little more than a formality on the road to divorce. Outwardly they can tell friends and family they attempted counseling. The reality is one or both people had mentally and emotionally "checked out" of the marriage before the first session!
The best advice is not to ignore problems early on.
That's how they grow! Communication is the GPS for relationships. You're either "growing together" or "growing apart". Find out!
"You can't fix what you don't acknowledge."
Therapy works best when a couple is still "in love" with one another.
Marriage is not just the name of engagement, it is the fusion of two souls. It is more than an agreement. It is a commitment to feel the inner voice of your partner. Communication gap, lack of romance, disloyalty and frigidity may ruin your marriage. The you take care of your spouse, the more you will enjoy your marriage.
Good question. Mine has been on the rocks for over 30 years (we haven't been living together, but have no court order clarifying our relationship).
We underwent much marriage counseling during the early part of the marriage (at my insistence). I acknowledge the good aspects of the marriage, but the not-so-good aspects outweigh the good--the greatest problem being a marked difference in what one might call "core values."
All in all, a person has to choose to be happy, regardless of what is happening "out there." Since splitting up, I have come to have a healthy respect for myself, and, truly, you can't give love if you first don't love yourself. Don't misunderstand me--I'm not talking about the selfish love that comes with puffed-up pride, but, rather, self acceptance that is wholesome enough to be shared.
I have two thoughts from spiritual instructors regarding marriage: 1) everything is a marriage; and 2) if you have been offended, it means you still have pride--think about it.
No one person is at fault in a marriage. If the vows of matrimony aren't working, the couple shares the burden 50-50. Life is as much a perception as it is an action.
At this stage of my life, the potential for "saving" the marriage is doubtful, to say the least, but if were to happen, it would probably begin with the healing of my elder daughter's relationship to her father (he still doesn't know he has a new-born grandson because of her refusal to communicate with him).
I confess I seem to feel better about myself without the man's presence. How many years will it take to reunite or finalize a proper divorce?
Only time will tell.
"the greatest problem being a marked difference in what one might call "core values." - The top two reasons for divorce are (choosing) the wrong mate for oneself and getting married for the wrong reasons. Sounds like you married the wrong man.
Well-defined answer, Marie. I respect your viewpoint about marriage, but tell me one thing, " Haven't you ever felt the presence of a man? I think no woman can live alone. She needs a man to protect her, to love her, to care for her and so on.
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