Should you give an ex partner another chance if they cheated on you in the past?

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  1. Sharp Points profile image82
    Sharp Pointsposted 9 years ago

    Should you give an ex partner another chance if they cheated on you in the past?

  2. SecretLuv profile image59
    SecretLuvposted 9 years ago

    I believe everyone handles cheating in different way. I was in this situation and because things were so bad I did not give the person a second chance even though I did have strong feelings for them. I did what I thought was best for me and I did think it through all the way. You just have to do what you believe will be best for you in the long run.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image80
      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I agree. One has to know them self. It's best to (think it through) rather than offer "instant forgiveness" because you're in shock and can't conceive of breaking up on top of everything else. Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

    2. Sharp Points profile image82
      Sharp Pointsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Yes you're absolutely correct. I did the opposite, giving the person a second chance. They basically did the same thing as before, but it didn't really hurt the second time around because I was waiting for it. Thank you for your answer.

  3. dashingscorpio profile image80
    dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

    There are a lot of variables to consider.
    Age and life circumstances can play a major role.
    For example two high school sweethearts go away to different colleges. They plan to continue to maintain their relationship long distance. Eventually one of them begins to socialize and makes friends on campus, attend parties, and at some point meets someone they're attracted to. LDRs require maturity and self-discipline.
    In hindsight it's obvious the odds were against maintaining a long distance relationship for 4-6 years especially at ages 18 or 19. It was an "unrealistic expectation". More often than not one person cheats in this situation or they break off their current relationship because there is someone they want to pursue a relationship with who is with them
    If that relationship fails months later it would make no sense to get back with them because the issue/distance that led to them cheating remains.
    Other key factors such as: Do you believe (you) contributed in some way to their decision to cheat. In other words had you "stopped" being the person they fell in love with? Were you neglectful, took them for granted, mistreated them in some way, no longer were affectionate or romantic? How did you learn about the cheating. Did they approach you one day out of the blue and confess? or Was it because you "caught" them?
    If you caught them it begs the question of: What would have happened if you had not caught them? In other words the cheating would have continued.
    Is your mate showing (genuine) contrition, demonstrating a wiliness to be transparent by bending over backwards to assure you, understanding that it will take you time to trust them again, and most importantly they can fully explain what caused them to cheat and why they (know) given the same set of circumstances they would never do that again.
    It's probably best to take a couple of weeks apart to figure out whether or not you can forgive. Too often people offer "instant forgiveness" only to learn down the road that they can't forgive.
    They were shocked at the betrayal and the thought of a breakup or divorce was too much to bear at the time.
    However I believe for me personally I would not give a second chance and the reason why is because I believe if you're in an "exclusive relationship" you give it your all and if someone cheats on you after you've given your "best" and that wasn't "good enough" it's unlikely I could trust them.
    There are basic three things that keep people from cheating:
    1. Being "in love"
    2. Not wanting to risk losing that "special someone".
    3. Imagining how hurt they'd feel if their mate cheated on them.
    "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
    - Oscar Wilde
    Clearly if someone cheats on you they don't think you're all that "special".

  4. chuckandus6 profile image79
    chuckandus6posted 9 years ago

    They say once a cheat always a cheat,but I disagree I believe people have ability to change.

    1. Sharp Points profile image82
      Sharp Pointsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Well someone who has before is definitely more likely to repeat their actions, but I absolutely agree that people can change if they want to or if life pushes them in that direction. Thank you for the response.

    2. chuckandus6 profile image79
      chuckandus6posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      your welcome great question and lot of great points of views


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