Have you ever cheated on someone?

1. 78

   LisaKoskiposted 12 years ago

   Have you ever cheated on someone?
   
   I've never cheated but I've been cheated on (twice) and I was wondering, for those who are willing to share, why did you cheat? Or, if you were the one cheated on, do you know why they did it?

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2. 61

   SayItWithFeelingposted 12 years ago

   I've never cheated, but I've been cheated on.  For me it was because the girl was still in love with her ex.  It sucked, but what can you do?

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   1. 78

      LisaKoskiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I can relate. That's exactly why I was cheated on the first time.

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3. 61

   MickSposted 12 years ago

   I've never cheated, once you give away your honour, you have truly nothing left that you own.  I have been cheated on by a woman who gave away her honour.

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   1. 78

      LisaKoskiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I agree. Do you think that it's possible to forgive and move on when someone has cheated? I have and my relationship has grown stronger since then but I know not all people can do it. What do you think?

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   2. 61

      MickSposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Of course it's possible to forgive and forget.  Neccessary even.  Held grudges will eat away at you like a cancer. Life is too short to be tied down by another person's behaviour.

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   3. 0

      Garifaliaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Forgiveness is important, but it depends on how and why it happened. My husband cheated on me while he was in Brazil (works in ships). He was 26, insecure and mixed up. We're still in love after 26 years, but it took me years to recover.

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4. 60

   heatherleexposted 12 years ago

   When it comes to me cheating on someone.... Never have and never will.
   
   I'm not entirely sure if my ex boyfriends cheated on me, but I did have a feeling that maybe they did.  They were at least planning on it and having emotional affairs, which is just as bad.  I typically happened to catch things before they could physically cheat.  My gut would always tell me something was up, and it turned out to be true.
   
   I know why they wanted to cheat, but it's of a personal nature--on top of their immaturity.

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5. 73

   Mom Katposted 12 years ago

   Alright - I'll step into the line of fire - Yes, I cheated on someone once. 
   
   I was in an 8 year verbally & emotionally abusive relationship with the father of 3 of my children.  After being cheated on, lied to, and treated like garbage I felt the relationship was pretty much dead.
   I cheated on him by messing around with someone else (not going all the way) mainly because I hadn't gotten around to kicking him out yet, but I already resolved that it was over and that he was leaving anyway.
   
   Does it make what I did right? No, I should have waited until after ending the relationship.  Do I regret it? No, my ex was a hideous boyfriend.

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   1. 78

      LisaKoskiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Even though I've never cheated, I know there are some who deserve it. If you mistreat your partner, you can't expect them to remain loyal.

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   2. 0

      Garifaliaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You have a point, but does that make the new found cheater a better person or worse than the first?

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   3. 59

      michaelzinettiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I think you did the right thing.

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6. 59

   Analog Talkposted 12 years ago

   If getting to know someone and realizing you have more in common with him that with your boyfriend and, for a time, was actually considering the fact that maybe... MAYBE... you love him...
   
   ... all this happening while you and your boyfriend are on a sort of hiatus so that you don't keep on fighting...
   
   If this is considered cheating, then yes. Nothing happened though, and the boyfriend and I got back together after a couple of weeks. It was more because of circumstance -- the other guy was quite an interesting fellow who I met on a mountain climbing trip. We even shared stories about his girlfriend and my boyfriend. While we both acknowledged that we were kind of meant for each other, we also knew that it shouldn't go further than this because we were both with other people. We're still friends now.
   
   I had a boyfriend who cheated on me with a girl who he knew was totally into him. Our relationship was rocky then, and that sealed the deal. They became a couple but it didn't last long -- the girl got she wanted and moved on. The novelty wore off.

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7. 61

   umbertoobrianposted 12 years ago

   I have counselled both those who have been cheated on and cheaters.  There are as many "reasons" as there are people.  One thing is true in every case.  Neither understands the imperfection and fragility of the other.  Sex is a big reason for cheating.  The cheater usually feels justified because, "she doesn't care enough about me."  It sounds selfish and shallow but to the cheater it is not. He may not say it but he doesn't feel loved enough.  This could be a product of all kinds of disfunctions or it could be that he isn't being cared for as he would like.
   
   Partners will seek out that which they do not feel they are getting at home.  You cannot change that other than try to make things better, more loving , more giving.  Everyione chooses where they place their heart.  If you povide a passionate, loving, safe place and he chooses another it is because he has failed to recognize what is there.  However, anything done in hostility, even the passive kind, will not work.
   
   The best way to keep someone is to let go of the idea that you can make them stay.
   
   ps. in the case of a violent and abusive realtionship - the bonds of commitment are already gone.  Abuse is cheating.

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8. 69

   Mazzy Boleroposted 12 years ago

   Ditto LisaKoski. I have never cheated on anyone but it has twice happened to me. Why did they do it?  I guess because they didn't like me enough - they thought the grass must be greener.  I'd rather they had just told me that, but of course, they want to hang on to you in case it doesn't work out with the other person. That hurts and humiliates you unnecessarily, but some people put their own convenience over everything. At least it enabled me to see their true colors, but it was horrible, especially the first time when I was very naive and it was a major shock.

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9. 38

   Djaakposted 12 years ago

   I have never cheated. Was on the other side of that coin once. She cheated on me with one of my best friends and it was hard for me to deal with it. Anyway, a few years on I am very glad that happened because we were not right for each other.
   
   Don't take a thing like cheating personally, you are awesome and I he was stupid enough to let you down, it is his loss. Hope this helps

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10. 73

    lburmasterposted 12 years ago

    Yes. I only cheated on one of my boyfriends, twice. He knows why. I was upset that he wouldn't touch me and became sexually frustrated.

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    1. 61

       umbertoobrianposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I think this is one of the most common reasons people cheat.  A drastic difference in sexual expectations puts lots of pressure on a relationship.

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    2. 73

       lburmasterposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       It is very dificult to create an even base of sexual relations between two individuals. One could be sexually anorexic, and another a sex addict. The relationship would definately end quick at that point.

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    3. 0

       Garifaliaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I understand too, but the best thing to do is to face the problem with the other person and if nothing changes send him home to mother.

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    4. 73

       lburmasterposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       His mother was the most frightening women I've ever met. Hopefully, I never see that woman again.

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11. 39

    garage-remotesposted 12 years ago

    I cheated with my wife before we were married...I guess you could say I was the "other guy".  Like Mom Kat, my wife was in a toxic off/on relationship at the time. We didn't go all the way, but definitely crossed some boundaries. Her boyfriend was   unfaithful himself, a complete lunatic, and did a number on her self esteem. They finally broke up & we got married. She's my soulmate. I think that's why we did it & both don't feel bad about it.

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12. 61

    Lovelovemelovemeposted 12 years ago

    never.
    
    I have been cheated on though. I believe a lot of it is insecurity and different morals. An insecure person requires the affection of people to make themselves feel good. Also, cheating or not cheating also relates to a person's morals. Personally, it's against my belief system, morals and ethics so the probability of me cheating is lower than those who have different sets of morals and what not. Maybe they're more free spirited or have different values and opinions on commitment.
    
    I find people who are extremely insecure with themselves...tend to be more prone to infidelity.

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    1. 60

       jburton11188posted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I agree with you completely. I'm one of those people who has the set of morals that you just DON'T cheat no matter what. If you're with someone you are faithful.

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13. 58

    JamesGrantSmithposted 11 years ago

    Yes, I didn't love her enough and temptation is everywhere.

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