I suspect the reason is because they don't want get divorced or leave. Cheaters are not looking to replace one relationship with another.
The primary goal of any cheater is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" whatever they may be on the "side".
Hypothetically lets say an unhappily married man with two children has a wife who has little or no interest in sex. They've talked about it and tried various other things but in the end it comes down to her rarely being in the mood.
From his point of view he has three options.
1. Run down to the courthouse to file for divorce, moving out of his home into an apartment, paying child support, possible alimony, and becoming a weekend dad, in addition dividing up friends and family.
2. "I made my bed and will sleep in it. No more sex for life!"
3. He could find a woman to have sex with on the side. (A very popular choice) especially when compared with the first two options.
Not long ago there was a question posed on HP
"Is sexual incompatibility enough of a reason to end a marriage?"
Over 90% of answers said "no". This is exactly how cheaters feel! However I suspect if the question had been worded this way:
"Would you rather your mate leave you or cheat on you?"
My guess is most people would say they'd rather he/she left them!
Essentially it's the same question asked from a different point of view.
Monogamy is not a DNA code and cheating is a cowardly (selfish) choice. People who cheat are looking for a way to (have it all).
No one gets it all! However cheaters never believe they will be caught.
I agree with dashingscorpio. Marriage won't meet all your needs, and it's not supposed to. But cheating is a cowardly and lazy way of getting "needs" met. Some of these so-called needs are sex, attention, adoration, money, social advances, etc. Since marriage is a committment I suppose cheaters think they're doing their spouse and family a favor by cheating instead of leaving.
In relationships outside of marriage I am even less understanding. If you aren't married to your partner and can literally just break up and walk away, why not do that? But like dashingscorpio said, a cheater might actually not want to leave the relationship but still be selfish enough to think they deserve to have that 20% unmet needs fulfilled by someone else.
"If you aren't married to your partner and can literally just break up and walk away, why not do that?"
As I said cheaters want to "hold onto" the good aspects of their primary relationship! Cheating allows them to fill in the missing 20%.
by Anna 7 years ago
Why do you think people cheat on their significant other?
by Loving_Life 17 months ago
Why do people cheat when they're in a dedicated relationship?Why do men or/and women cheat in a relationship? Whats the point of cheating?And they lie about it if asked? Don't they feel guilty about cheating? If you want to cheat then why not break up with the person you're with first and...
by Annette Thomas 2 months ago
Okay Hublettes. What are your thoughts on "once a cheater always a cheater?" Let's get real here and make it like it was in 20010. Yippee. Let's go !!
by Shil1978 6 years ago
Why do People Cheat in Relationships?
by jasminayoung 8 years ago
If you cheat on your partner, is it only because they have given you a reason to do so?
by Jeni H 5 years ago
What do you think of cheating?Mostly, what do you think about the other woman in the situation? Is it ever okay to cheat, help cheat?
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