My boyfriend of 6 weeks, won't speak to me after a fight. What should I do?

1. 53

   Pamelahoneyposted 9 years ago

   My boyfriend of 6 weeks, won't speak to me after a fight. What should I do?
   
   I blew up at him, saying I thought he might still be in love with his ex-wife (they divorced 8 years ago, she's remarried) because he brings her up a lot.  He denied having feelings for her, and said he wanted me.  I insisted and he hung up. I was yelling and crying and insulting.  It's been a little less than a week.  I've texted on two occasions (one he responded to, saying he didn't know what to say yet and that he was still thinking); and I've called , but no response.  I know I need to give him space, but I'm suffering

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2. 40

   misty103posted 9 years ago

   Maybe you could try explaining the state of mind you were in when you yelled at him. You could tell him why you got so mad and ask for his forgiveness and understanding.

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      Pamelahoneyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I did that in a couple of texts.  Still haven't heard anything

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      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Forget about texts. Call or email him and offer to take him out to lunch. People text others when they DON'T want to talk.

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3. 73

   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   
   
   " I was yelling and crying and insulting."
   That's a lot of drama for a (six week) relationship!
   This is generally the "infatuation period" where two people are head over hills with one another, bending over backwards to please and impress one other, showering each other with affection and gifts.
   Any semi intelligent guy faced with a scenario where after only 6 weeks a woman is yelling, crying, and insulting him regarding his ex-wife of 8 years ago has got to be wondering if she's mentally stable.
   If she acts like this after only 6 weeks one can imagine how she'd be in 6 months! You're supposed to be still "getting to know you"
   Generally speaking two things happen when you explode at a mate.
   1. They decide whether or not you are worth staying with.
   2. If they stay they go (silent) on issues they know upset you.
   We live in an era where people are constantly complaining about a lack of communication in relationships. If someone talks to their mate about their ex at least they know they aren't hiding anything. Odds are they may be comparing how much better life is with you or how their ex mistreated them, what they learned from it and so on.
   Rarely does someone talk about an ex in "glowing terms".  On the one hand someone may feel victorious in changing their mate's topic of discussion.  However it's important to remember C.S. Lewis quote:
   "Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart."
   Discouraging anyone from being "open and honest" with you is never a great thing. You also can't expect someone to understand what "baggage" you have with you in six weeks. (jealousy/insecurities)
   Maybe you have some experience with exes who dumped you or cheated on you and now you've overreacted by jumping on this guy.
   If you or your mate have to (make changes in your core being) to make the relationship work there's a good chance you've chosen the wrong person for yourselves!
   The goal is to find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want to be with. If a guy bringing up his ex is a turn off to you then he's not the one for you! (Move on)
   There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as (is) or move on.
   The choice is up to us!
   All you can do is apologize, explain how your past experiences may have triggered your reactions, and offer to give him space while promising to never let that happen again.
   Tell him you'd like to start over.

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   1. 53

      Pamelahoneyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Most excellent and heartfelt answer. Thank you.  My heart needed to hear this.

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      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      You're welcome. Best wishes!

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4. 60

   duffsmomposted 9 years ago

   First you have to evaluate if you are going to be able to accept the fact that he has a past, and that past has shaped who he is today. Jealous outbursts can only damage a relationship as you are learning now.
   
   Give him some time and leave him alone. If he cares about you and is willing to forgive you, he will contact you. I understand that you are suffering and that is painful, I know---but continuing to pursue him may appear to him to be needy and that is a huge turn off. Let him have some breathing room to think all this through.

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