What's your experience in keeping friends of both sexes while in a committed rel

1. 0

   threekeysposted 9 years ago

   What's your experience in keeping friends of both sexes while in a committed relationship?
   
   Did you find it added depth and interest to your everyday lives? Or did it detract from your relationship?

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2. 73

   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   
   
   Every situation or scenario is different.
   A lot depends on how close the friendship is as well as how often you're engaged in activities with each other and spending time together apart from being with your significant other.
   Generally speaking if your pecking order has your friends ahead of "the love of your life" then it's a good chance you view your relationship as temporary.
   Personally speaking I don't know of too many women who would be fine with their man going out to lunch, meeting up for drinks at happy hours, having dinner, or taking in some other activity with another woman. (Even if they said they were "platonic friends")
   And yet if he did those same things one on one with a male friend it would be no problem!
   Honesty & acceptance are the key.
   One has to be open with their new girlfriend or boyfriend about how they feel about having {close friends of the opposite sex} early on. This is especially true if they're counting (exes) among those friends.
   The biggest issues arise when people try to get their mate to "change" especially they attempt to shame him or her by accusing of them of being insecure, non trusting, or paranoid.
   If someone likes or doesn't like something it's their preference.
   There is no "right" or "wrong" only "agree" or "disagree".
   The goal is to find someone who (naturally agrees) with you.
   You have to accept the fact that not everyone is fine with it and therefore it means you're not "right" for each other. So move on!
   Another common issue is some folks will interject their friends into their relationship. Constantly talking about their friends when they're with their mate or they're interacting with them via text and social media. In other words they're never 100% present.
   In other instances some people try to force their mate and their friends to become one big happy family.
   Each of us gets to (choose our own) friends, lovers, and spouse.
   Last but not least one cannot be 100% sure that their "platonic friend" doesn't consider him/herself to be in your "friend zone".
   They may have settled for friendship because that's all (you) offered.
   Sometimes those outside of the friendship such as your mate can tell that your friend has a crush on you or vice versa.
   Very few women would be willing to (test their male friends) by stating they want to have sex. My guess is not many of their "male friends" would REJECT them with words like;
   "Ewe! You're like a sister to me!" or "Please! Don't gross me out!"

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3. 76

   manatita44posted 9 years ago

   Most men won't mind the female, but would be wary about the men. Actually some women learn through painful experiences, that their partner can get jealous. I knew one girl who would take flowers from a man and bring it home, while living with another.
   
   I feel some of this happens when they are younger, innocent, but they get wise to the feelings of their partner later. However, keeping extra friends can also be used as a tool to send signals when we are unhappy with a situation.
   
   I have kept friends of both sexes. But you know, we say in the spiritual life that rain water falls, and at first it's a drizzle, and so we do not feel the need for an umbrella. Later it comes as a downpour, and by then it's too late.
   
   Also, both rain and the earth are good, but when they mix, they can become mud, which is not so good. Nice question, Threekeys, jealously is a silent enemy in human nature. Much Peace.

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