365 days how do you get the man you love and make it perfect?

1. 61

   31nLOSTposted 14 years ago

   I am starting a new venture, I am in love with a man, that i know loves me. One problem he is not quite sure he can spend forever with me. So from today on out I will be posting the progress on our relationship. I am going to give it one more year before my life will change permanently.  Can I prove to him that we are SOUL MATES?

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      Poppa Bluesposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Good luck! Nothings permanent. If I were you, I'd make the best of what I have. Maybe it will last a lifetime, maybe it won't. Look at it this way, when you let your dog out, if he comes back you know he loves you, if he doesn't, you get another dog, but you'll always remember him and you'll not love him less.

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      cosetteposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      you can't "make" anyone do anything, especially in matters of the heart. relax and let him come to you on his own and decide for himself if he is your soulmate. the worst thing you can do to a lover is start pushing...

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      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      No. There is absolutely nothing you can do to "prove" to be his soul mate.
      
      A soulmate would be able to tell you out-right.

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      Mikel G Robertsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      ....hmmm....
      How do you make it perfect...
      
      By not looking for proof, and simply enjoy-ing whatever it is...
      By accepting that it is not perfect, and never will be...
      By knowing that all human activity is temporary...
      By loving the time you have, while keeping in mind that it may end today...
      By loving it for whatever it is, and not for what it isn't, or what it may become later on...
      By not trying for a 'perfect' life, because in the end there is no perfect life, there is only life...
      
      
      
      ...by loving the imperfection....    My Humble Opinion.

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         myownworldposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         'perfectly' put!

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      DogSiDaedposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You mean you'll post it here? Also, soul mates is a big way of thinking about things, do you have to stay with him until death do you part to be happy? If you try and force him into this view he'll feel pressured and confused.
      
      Also personally I believe Soul Mates is a false term and one that causes many potentially good relationships not to form and makes many bad ones form.

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      Stevennix2001posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      well if he says that it either means he has commitment issues, been in a lot of bad relationships, or it could mean he's not too sure right now how he feels.  It depends on how long you've been going out with this man.  However, I will say this, just give it time.  Don't rush anything and just enjoy being together for now.  you don't want to scare him off, so just let everything flow naturally as you two date for a while.

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         31nLOSTposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I have given it a while and we have dated and he has had some bad past relationships but so have i otherwise i would not be single at 31 and he wouldnt be at 34, and he does have commitment issues. but that is what this all about  365 days to see if we (him and i ) can survive the world and life and make it together and make it good

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            Stevennix2001posted 14 years agoin reply to this

            oh i see.  well i wish i could offer some heartfelt advice as I'm not too experienced in this.  However, I hope things work out for you, as you seem like a nice person and I'm sure he is too.  Therefore, I hope you two end up together.

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      vox vocisposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Dear, you can't prove anything to anyone when these matters are concerned. How do you know you're soul mates? Wait and relax, let things develop spontaneously, no matter the outcome. If you think you need to convince him that you two are meant for each other, you might end up getting hurt. Nothing goes by force when relationships and love are in question. Give him time. Be happy if it works out and don't be unhappy if it doesn't!

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   Justine76posted 14 years ago

   Im sorry, but it will never be perfect. And you just cant make someone love you. All you can do, is be you. Let him be him. Good luck.

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   wychicposted 14 years ago

   I have to agree with Justine there...no one is perfect, and therefore no relationships are perfect. Those that do very well generally need a lot more time than just a year to really get to know the ins and outs of each other's personalities and really learn how to work and live together. There is no way to absolutely prove, 100%, that you're just "meant to be," but if you both love each other and are both willing to keep working at the relationship, you probably have a very good chance.

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4. 61

   31nLOSTposted 14 years ago

   Ok here is the background: my man and I have been seeing each other since July of 08.  We started out by meeting through a mutual friend, after a month and a half everyone seemed to see something we didn't.  Our friends started saying that we had something. Well we went out and started to spend more time with each other. One thing lead to another and we ended up moving in together after a few months. We lived together until May 09, when he went out of town for work.  He could not handle me being here and him being gone.  Always thought I was cheating, when i wasn't. He came home from NC and kicked me out. For the second time.  Well this time I stayed gone.  After two months of dating again he went away for work.  Then just stopped talking to me all together for about 2 months.  Well I had started dating a friend and times got tough and I moved in with him.  Well one night the man that is my soul mate started calling me at 2 am and i answered.  He was at my work the next morning and asked me to come back to him.  I did.  Since then which was around Sept 9 09 we have been seeing each other at least 2 times a week. Until Sunday jan 10,2010 when he came to my home and spent most of the day all of the night and half the next day.  Well for about 4months i have known he was seeing another woman, but I was not giving up on us.  For the last 2 months he has been living with her. Until sunday. Now we are at a point of what to do. I am in Love with him and he is with me..where we go from here is unknown.....

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      DogSiDaedposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Err how do you classify soul mates, cos this sounds like a mixed up situation right now... And he's just been playing around and stuff, and he's kicked you out... You sure he's right for you?

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      Marisa Wrightposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      A man who kicks you out twice isn't that madly in love with you, sweetheart.
      
      
      You don't say how much later this was - but it seems to me, if you really love "soul mate" that much, you wouldn't be ready to move in with someone else that quickly. 
      
      
      
      Given that you originally moved in together within a few months, and you each moved in with someone else fairly quickly too, neither of you seems to regard living together as an indication of major commitment.  So why not just move in together again and see what happens.

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   lyricsingrayposted 14 years ago

   There are no coincidences, I don't believe and forced events rarely work out.  As do expectations.  You can only be yourself and if it was meant to be it will.  However to sit in waiting is torturous and your better than that.  Most likely things will unfold as they should and in the most surprising ways.  Live with no regrets and you can be at peace.

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   31nLOSTposted 14 years ago

   And my friends "PERFECTION" ,is in the eye of the beholder and is what each individual person makes it out to be.  So to me it would be not ever having to spend another night without knowing I am his one and only.  That I am the only woman he desires, loves, craves and anticipates.  No one is perfect, and we all know that love is just like being crazy and unpredictable.  So I say to my friends what is perfect for you? I don't want to live another day without knowing that I will be spending forever with out him.  I don't need a last name, a ring, or vows, I just need a hug and kiss every day that says it all to me.

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7. 61

   31nLOSTposted 14 years ago

   I promised myself when my parents died in 2000 to live life with no regrets, no broken promises and to be the best person I can/ that i know to be......as far as today he has told me twice he loves me and we have talked three times.  Now you have to understand that he works 2 1/2 hrs from me so we don't always see each other.  But even though he was trying to have another relationship he still came back to me.  And he agrees we are soul mates, .....until tomorrow my friends...he and i talk every morning around 630am so look for the latest then...peace,live, laugh, love...to all

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      DogSiDaedposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      He can tell you whatever he wants... Lying is easy, and soul mates don't exist So I really don't know. Why did you decide to ask here? You should ask someone close to you, not strangers who have no idea what the situation is really like.

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         lyricsingrayposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         

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         tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Maybe she's looking for material to write some hubs about this 'story'.

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            lyricsingrayposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            hub it i say

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               tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               I still think this is only a 'story'
               There are a couple of another threads,with different 'stories' ,from new hubbers with 0 hubs and no more that 3 followers

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      Dame Scribeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      What guy wouldn't come round when he has cake and ice cream too I wouldn't be proud of such a guy. no offence.

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   AEvansposted 14 years ago

   Relationships are never perfect but I wish you all of the best!

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9. 0

   sneakorocksolidposted 14 years ago

   Please some clarification before we go any farther, thank you. Are you gay and is your boyfriend a real guy or just a gender challenged female? Do you race motorcycles? Do you always eat your veggies? Finally, what won't you do to please your man? Now to spelunk the depth of your relationship and the possibility of it's longevity we must have some information to work with.

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10. 61

    31nLOSTposted 14 years ago

    Ok well here we are with 364 days left.  I just spoke with mr. wonderful, after recieving a facebook message from "the other woman" that said, " he ignored your facebook friend request, if you cared for him at you would stop and let him be happy. And stop calling also. I was not going to send this but after finding out you were going to call me after being in Mobile, AL...well...."  Ok let me explain some of this.. I did stop for about 9 weeks I ignored his texts and calls, because he told me about her.  He was the one who begged me to come to Mobile, where he was working, and where in 08 we spent the entire month of December. He was the one who kept calling me.  Now any Lady out there if you love a man and want him to be don't you "stop".?  "If you love something set it free, if it comes back its yours and meant to be, if not it never was..."  I have lived with that always in my mind........Now tell me.....Also he changed his number and gave me his new one...I changed mine and gave him it....so honestly if HE wanted me to stop wouldn't he?  And no I did not reply to her because he asked me not to. But if she sends me another one I am absolutely going to. And one more thing.....People if you want something don't you fight for it?!

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    Diskobolosposted 14 years ago

    Try enjoying today more and worry less about whether you will be together forever. It takes time to build trust in any relationship, what really makes people bond is to go through some things together and that can't happen overnight.

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    wychicposted 14 years ago

    Personally, it sounds to me like he's trying to have the best of both worlds...of course he doesn't want you to write her, that would give his game away. It sounds like it would be doing her a favor to let her know that her man is cheating on her, you're not just pursuing him.

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    RecoverTodayposted 14 years ago

    Dear 3inLOST,
    ? Are you content to be strung along in this manner? Think about it.....if a person WANTS to be with you, talk to you, share with you they will make a way to do so. End of story. He is not stable, honey. Are you willing to spend an indefinite amount of your life with someone who will never commit? Think of all the lost time you could be spending with YOURSELF, growing, learning, healing, discovering. Yet all your energy and effort is spent longing for a man who, in the long run, will never commit. Oh dear, I know it hurts...please open your eyes. You are worth more than being "thrown a few crumbs" with only a glimmer of hope "for the cake later".  How does it feel for you? I apologize for my harshness. I feel for you, your pain, your longing. Please, can't you seek counseling? Do you have someone close to you who will listen objectively? This man has a grandiose sense of self. In other words, it's all about HIM. You can live and love again. It's time to move on and explore a whole new world. You deserve it!

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14. 0

    ralwusposted 14 years ago

    Hmmm, no comments....

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       tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       And your friend with the CheapQualityProducts.
       
       hi Charlie !!!

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15. 0

    Deborah Sextonposted 14 years ago

    I web couples but before I do, I offer them two classes to get then thinking about what a relationship means.
    
    Mistake #1
    "We started out by meeting through a mutual friend, after a month and a half everyone seemed to see something we didn't.  Our friends started saying that we had something."
    
    You allowed your friends to influence your decision to "Like" this man.
    
    Mistake #2
    "we ended up moving in together after a few months"
    
    Since you gave in, there was no need for a "real" commitment.
    
    Mistake #3
    "when he went out of town for work.  He could not handle me being here and him being gone. Always thought I was cheating, when i wasn't."
    
    He probably left or pretended to so he COULD cheat. Most people who cheat, think everyone does. He wanted his place back so he could have a woman there.
    
    Mistake #4
    "He came home from NC and kicked me out. For the second time"
    
    He wanted to see how badly you would allow him to treat you.  If he really "loved you" this would have been way too soon for him to want you out. New and real love doesn't act this way. codependency does
    
    Mistake #5
    "After two months of dating again he went away for work.  Then just stopped talking to me all together for about 2 months. "
    
    He was probably seeing someone else.
    
    Mistake #6
    "Well I had started dating a friend and times got tough and I moved in with him. "
    
    Which proved to the first man, he had been right about you all along. Which was that
    you were looking for love period,  not just with him. That you would move in with someone else if you couldn't have him and that you are a cheater.
    
    Mistake #7
    "asked me to come back to him.  I did."
    
    You taught him that he can treat you very badly, and you will always take him back.
    Because of this, he will never feel the need to treat you with love or respect.
    
    Mistake #9
    "Well for about 4months i have known he was seeing another woman, but I was not giving up on us."
    
    Well, I knew this after reading the first few lines of your statement.
    You think you can change him. It won't happen.
    He is cheating on everyone and will continue.
    
    Mistake #10
    "I am in Love with him and he is with me..where we go from here is unknown....."
    
    You're joking right? You know this man does not love you. He is playing games with everyone's mind. He has no respect for any of you, and he certainly does not love you.
    
    Drop the player and find real love. Teach the next man you deserve to be loved.
    Women teach men how to treat them. If a man is looking for love and finds that you like to be treated badly he will just drop you and move on, never looking back.. A player who has no real interest in you will come back occasionally and have fun with you.
    
    A SOUL MATE is not the perfect love for us. A soul mate is someone who teaches us hard lessons in life so we can grow. A soul mate can be a mother, brother, co-worker, and so on.
    
    I don't mean to burst your bubble. I am just trying to help you see you have been taken so you can move on.

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    ralwusposted 14 years ago

    Hello beautiful tantrum! How ya doin' today? I don't really know what to make of this thread, yet.

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       tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Hi there  !
       

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    tantrumposted 14 years ago

    Thanks Deborah! she can do her first hub with all your information !

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       Deborah Sextonposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Sorry
       It's hard for me to explain in just a few words.
       
       
       
       

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    Mitch Rappposted 14 years ago

    31nlost said
    "If you love something set it free, if it comes back its yours and meant to be, if not it never was..."
    
    
    You have that quote wrong
    "If you love something set it free, if it comes back its yours and meant to be, if not hunt it down and kill it!"
    
    
    Disclaimer
    Mitch Rapp does not advocate the hunting down of any species in order to kill it,trap,or hold hostage!

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       prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       hehe
       
       there is no perfection...
       
       just be yourself, love with the best you can and sharing it with the person with words and more with actions, loyalty is important too and let them grow and have time for themselves, support them in their dreams etc and most of all cook for them, and be the best for them, look good too and sexually accomodating, if they will leave you then its their lost,
       
       the hardest thing to say is " It could have been"
       
       afterwards if they leave you, just smile and be glad it happened

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       DogSiDaedposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       THE ORIGINAL VERSION: If you love something, Set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours....
       
       
       THE PESSIMIST VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.
       
       
       THE OPTIMIST VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free ... Don't worry, she will come back.
       
       
       THE SUSPICIOUS VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, ask her why.
       
       
       THE IMPATIENT VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free ... If she doesn't comes back within some time limit, forget her.
       
       
       THE PATIENT VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free ... If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back ...
       
       
       THE PLAYFUL VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free ... If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, repeat
       
       
       THE LAWYER'S VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free... Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...
       
       
       THE BILL GATES VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free... If she comes back, I think we can charge her for re-installation fees and tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.
       
       
       THE STATISTICIAN'S VERSION:: If you love somebody, Set her free... If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high If she doesn't, your relationship was improbable anyway.
       
       
       THE POSSESSIVE VERSION: If you love somebody don't ever set her free.
       
       
       THE MBA VERSION: If you love somebody set her free... instantaneously... and look for others simultaneously.
       
       
       THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERSION: If you love somebody set her free... If she comes back, her super ego is dominant If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.
       
       
       THE FINANCE EXPERT VERSION: If you love somebody set her free... If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans. If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.
       
       
       THE MARKETING VERSION: If you love somebody set her free... If she comes back, she has brand loyalty If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.

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19. 61

    31nLOSTposted 14 years ago

    well my new venture has ended...i guess i kind of knew it would end this way....he chose to try to work it out with her..This morning at 630am she sent me a message that i did not reply to until he told me he was going to try to work it out with and still wanted me around. Well I told her about him and i and told her i was sorry, because she had never done anything to me. Well new year new start Peace love and laughter to all I am done!!!!

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20. 61

    Colebabieposted 14 years ago

    I don't believe in soul mates.

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    31nLOSTposted 14 years ago

    Ya know what I don't anymore either,.,,,,I think that my parents were the last of a dead breed...

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       wychicposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       You never know, they might still be out there...but for the most part, you're not likely to find them. My husband's grandparents, who raised him, had an arranged marriage and ended up being madly in love for 79 years and had 12 kids before they died...she just under 100, he at 104. This isn't one in a million, the odds are astronomical against it.
       
       
       
       Agreed! I always have to just shake my head and sigh when I hear people rant and rave about how perfect their new significant other is. I'm sure I'm not the only one thinking, "Honey, you're going to be awfully disappointed when you do find a flaw...and we all have them."
       
       I know my husband has flaws, and he knows I have them too...we don't always know what all of those flaws are, but the important thing is that we're willing to work through them and there's no disappointment (or very little) when they're found because we knew they would be there. Once you try to understand those flaws, they tend to turn into just one more facet of the other person's character and not necessarily a negative thing.

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    aka-djposted 14 years ago

    Real long-lasting relationships are ruined by false expectations.
    "Perfect"! I doubt it exists. You are not perfect, (nor is he), so, it won't be long before it all crumbles.
    
    This is a fictional state based on romance and the like.
    
    Real relationships, that stand the test of time, and anything else life throws at you, is based on commitment. If you are "soul-mates", (whatever that means), then that's a bonus.

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    31nLOSTposted 14 years ago

    ok here we are on day 20 well, i have spoken to the other woman, for quite some time last week.  We both became very informed at that point what was going on.  Well I decided to walk away and say goodbye,,,,,,she decided to stay and try to move on with him.  Well we are not even at the end of Jan 2010 only time will tell what the year end will bring? I can't wait....!!!

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    31nLOSTposted 14 years ago

    I just want you all to know that i don't think of perfect as "Perfect" I have my own version as do most individuals....

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    Cagsilposted 14 years ago

    Hmmmm......?

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    31nLOSTposted 14 years ago

    Also I wake every morning still thinking about us and what just two weeks ago we had...I feel as though I can't breathe without him...even though he is with her......I miss his voice.touch.kiss.caress.and his heartbeat..........

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    ddsurfscaposted 14 years ago

    I have always said that the perfect definition for love is tolerance.  If he can tolerate you and your daily imperfections and you can stand him and his imperfections every day, you are in love.
    
    Another way of putting it is if you two can stand each other every day, you were meant to be together.

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       31nLOSTposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       well than in my case i guess at some point we will end up together, because we can stand each other everyday all day...........

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    31nLOSTposted 14 years ago

    Well i just recv'd an IM from him telling me how much he misses me and us and what we had, telling me he loves me and on and on.  I replied with I love you too and always have.

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    31nLOSTposted 14 years ago

    ok well here i am a few more days later......he said to me today that he is coming home on sunday to be with me forever...i am a little skeptical but i do love him so and only the next cpl days will tell.....

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    Black Lillyposted 14 years ago

    31nLOST - to be perfectly honest, after reading all this thread, it's not only that you're NOT soul mates, I doubt you're mates at all.
    YOU love him, he obviously doesn't. And he has no respect for you, though words may say the opposite.
    
    It's your own choice what to do, but I'd say RUN. As far as you can from this person.

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    31nLOSTposted 14 years ago

    Well this morning at 330 am i got up and got his lunch together, man it was nice being able to that for him again.  We had a great weekend together.  I cant wait for friday to come.  See he works 2 1/2 hrs away from my house. But last night we  looked for places up by his work. day 24

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    RecoverTodayposted 14 years ago

    You may want to re-evaluate at some time. I see your thinking here but are you becoming too dependent on him for your happiness? This is exactly what I try to emphasize in my Hubs. Please make sure you are not creating a fantasy bubble here. I wish every woman to find the man of her dreams and I hope you have found yours. I hope you will read my Hubs and maybe pick up a few hints.

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