When you're on a break..

1. 58

   NewYorkerposted 13 years ago

   Okay. So my girlfriend and I decided on Tuesday that we would take a break until next Monday to take a time for ourselves and think about the relationship (aka get hammered and ask random people for advice). But since Tuesday we have been texting each other like crazy and talk on the phone for well.. an hour today. Is that how a break works? Isn't it like.. No talking or meeting? Or is texting okay? How the hell does this work?

   replyreport
   1. 58

      prettydarkhorseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      talk eye to eye hehe, and sort it out, admit what you can still do, and what she can do for the relationship

      replyreport
   2. 61

      falcon64posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      aha....cool off.

      replyreport
      1. 58

         NewYorkerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Excuse me?

         replyreport
         1. 61

            falcon64posted 13 years agoin reply to this

            ya...why not? In order that both of you has a time to think.

            replyreport
            1. 58

               NewYorkerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               Oh, I'm sorry. I took it the wrong way. Yeah, I'm trying to cool off. Except this little thing called work keeps disturbing the peace I'm trying to get.

               replyreport
2. 0

   Justine76posted 13 years ago

   i have no clue what taking a break means. If you have problems to sort, its best done with open, caring, honest communication.

   replyreport
3. 57

   irishsoul28posted 13 years ago

   It really depends the reason on why you are on a break for

   replyreport
4. 58

   NewYorkerposted 13 years ago

   Apparently, I'm not emotionally available and spend too much time at work (I'm a resident and sometimes have to work up to 36 hour shifts). And she can be kind of a bitch, she lies to me alot and goes behind my back alot. Which she said she could TRY to work on. And she hates how I always psychologically diagnose her. Really weird and complicated situation. Need to know the whole story to be able to be completely able to judge.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      Justine76posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      hmm....still, if you cant talk about it, may be time to move on...

      replyreport
   2. 0

      HeSaidSheSaidposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You do have to decide what a "break" means when you do it.  I think it involves defining what are deal breakers for you and for her and then applying them rationally.  You've identified a couple above that could qualify...

      replyreport
5. 60

   theirishobserver.posted 13 years ago

   I am not a big fan of 'Breaks' I honestly think that if you have to have a break from each other it is perhasp time to be honest with each other....its not easy...but it has to be done.....I have been there....if I was with someone whom I needed a break from....I would make it permanent...life is too short.....and throw the phone in that big river....

   replyreport
6. 59

   Colebabieposted 13 years ago

   I don't believe in breaks for my personal relationship. I guess I can understand why other couples decide to do so.
   
   It depends on what you decided as being the break. If you are looking to think about the relationship, your life, and determine whether or not the relationship is worth fighting for... that is probably easier with less contact. However, that is difficult especially since it is uncertain and what point in time you will begin talking again and either break up, or get back together.
   
   In your case, you have set a day. Which is good I guess. Either way, I find it much easier to have one of those long drawn out conversations that last for hours and come to an understanding versus going on a break. But that is just what has worked for my relationship.
   
   Furthermore, if you have the type of relationship where having a conversation about your feelings just is impossible (either you yell, don't listen to one another, is completely one-sided, etc.) then maybe the relationship isn't worth it. You have to have the respect to listen to one another and work through your feelings.

   replyreport
7. 60

   theirishobserver.posted 13 years ago

   Did you say lies, out out out, suitcase, out I tell you out, I have had liars, not worth the time or effort, you work hard you dont need this crap...out.....

   replyreport
8. 64

   alexandriaruthkposted 13 years ago

   if she is lying, you can talk about it, but that is not good,  she been lying for how long?, are there trust issues? maybe this has been going on for longer time period?
   
   you have a residency and she should understand that, beyond that, there is nothing more to talk about, if she cant understand your situation???

   replyreport
9. 57

   irishsoul28posted 13 years ago

   I personally dont think you should put a time limit on your break time, it puts too much pressure on the relationship where pressure obviously lays. Also i think you both are in a routine where you both text each other alot ( you working alot ) and that also needs to be part of the break rule. You both need to be serious about it or this "taking a break" just wont work and a waste of time, take yourselves out of all routine you both have been accustomed to as a couple, take time to think and have time to yourself then when you BOTH feel ready to meet, go to a coffee shop and discuss as adults where you go as a couple from there.
   
   You both sound quite young, how long have you both been together?

   replyreport
   1. 58

      NewYorkerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I'm 27 and we've been going out for 2 years on Monday.
      
      I have no idea what I'm supposed to do .. That's why I sought help from you guys.
      
      She doesn't get that I have to work alot to become a fully licensed clinical psychiatrist, because she's in an 8 - 4 job as a travel agent.
      
      Well, she does lie to me about like when she goes to parties or something like that, she doesn't take me with her and usually tells me she's working overtime or she's doing something with her friends or something like that. It's frustrating actually. And I found out the other day she had been talking to her ex for 7 months behind my back and he had no idea she's in a relationship.
      
      It's frustrating actually..

      replyreport
      1. 61

         falcon64posted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Sorry to hear...I know now the whole story. Your trying to work out everything. Since this coming Monday is your 2nd year anniversary. Hope you can work it out! Good luck...

         replyreport
10. 60

    theirishobserver.posted 13 years ago

    sorry, Irishsoul, but lies, not on...out she goes..yep watch your head on the step...by now...

    replyreport
    1. 57

       irishsoul28posted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Well we have no idea why she lies or if she does so i guess im doing my best to be down the line abit more.....although lies are a no no and cheating grrrr

       replyreport
11. 64

    alexandriaruthkposted 13 years ago

    hope you can sort it out, must be difficult at your end because you are tired physically from residency and at the same emotionally too,
    
    give yourself a break, a day or two

    replyreport
12. 53

    Bronnersposted 13 years ago

    I hate to say it but lying should probably be the breaking point in a relationship. At least chronic lying should be. Besides if she cannot handle that you work so much then she is not able to understand/deal with your line of work. This is something that could be a constant strain on you both.
    
    I applaud you on your choice of work, but not all people's line of work will allow for a relationship with all people. Perhaps it's time to find someone who is more capable of dealing with it. Perhaps just wait until the residency is over (though I'm not one to talk about that since I've been in college since after having kids and a wife).
    
    I'll say this, only you know if it's worth it or not and so you must decide for yourself. I just know that I wouldn't tolerate chronic lies. Hey, it seems she hasn't matured yet since she's sneaking out to parties like she was a teenager.

    replyreport
13. 74

    yenajeonposted 13 years ago

    Personally I've always thought of a break as a legitimate mental, emotional and physical break. You need time away from eachother to realize and think without their opinions interfering. !
    
    So either you need the break and are not executing it properly, or maybe you guys don't really need or want this break!

    replyreport
14. 39

    efeguyposted 13 years ago

    to me you are loving yourselves the more,so if there is any problem,sort it out because both of you are still in love.

    replyreport
15. 58

    NewYorkerposted 13 years ago

    Thank you all so much for the support.
    
    We met up and discussed everything, but the break is still on and we're going to meet up for a nice dinner and a movie on Monday, since we both got time off at work, and will be discussing the future of the relationship on Tuesday.
    
    Again, thank you all so much. I, honestly, got more support from you guys than my parents who told me to quit whining and take it like a man.

    replyreport
    1. 61

       Black Lillyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I think your parents were right - sorry...
       Lies and talking to an ex - it's only the question of time when it will turn into cheating on you big time.
       If you have the courage - leave her. Straight away. Otherwise it will hurt you a lot in the nearest future.

       replyreport