Do you think it's okay to break up with someone by texting or by email?

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   Marcy Goodfleischposted 12 years ago

   Do you think it's okay to break up with someone by texting or by email?
   
   It used to be the 'rule' that you broke up with a boyfriend or girlfriend in person, out of respect for the relationship you once had. Now, however, people also break up by phone, through email or even by texting.  What do you think?  Have you ever done this?

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   JThomp42posted 12 years ago

   No, I haven't done this, nor would I ever do this. I think out of respect for the other person's feelings it should always be done in person. They are going to be hurt enough from the break up. As the old saying goes "man up" and accept your responsibilities.

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      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      JThomp42 - I wonder if guys view it differently than women at times?  Maybe it's one thing to do a disappearing act, or avoid a person-to-person discussion to avoid an awkward scene.  But I do see the points others have made about safety issues, etc.

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      JThomp42posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Good point.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Jodi Arias killed Travis Alexander for wanting to breakup with her! She shot him in the face, cut his throat from ear to ear and stabbed him 27 times! He should have broke up via text or email. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/02/jodi-aria

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   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   I've never ended a relationship that way. However I do recall in another era before computers, cell phones, and answering machines some people wrote "Dear John" letters. Texting and email breakups are the (modern day) Dear John letter in my opinion.
   Breakups have always been done at the comfort level of the person ending a relationship. No matter how things go down it's the same result in the end. Someone has decided their life would be better off without us in it. :-)

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      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I like your point about the guiding force being the comfort level of the one ending the relationship, DashingScorpio - I agree. I confess I've ended at least a few relationships by phone or email.  Sometimes it was due to distance, but not always.

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   fpherj48posted 12 years ago

   Hi Marcy.....After laughing.....I decided I would answer this.  I was just thinking...hmmm...when I was "dating or going steady" whatever the term is these days......all we had was smoke signal.
   But now, seriously.  I don't know if one could be any more impersonal, than to break off a relationship by text.   "Hey...It's OVER.  See ya."  ???
   I suppose, if there's a long distance involved, a phone call, email or letter (preferably...The old "dear John.")  would be acceptable. However, the most acceptable and least abrupt, would be face to face.   Courtesy and respect still matters, even if you're about to "kick him to the curb."  LOL.......The person being "discarded" is more than likely going to ask for reasons.......Oops, GULP!   Let's be adult about this.   
   Hey...regardless, as Neil Sedaka sang, "Breaking Up is Hard to Do."   If I remember correctly, personally, I never had a problem with this.  By the time I had reached  THAT point, I was deadly.......hahahahahahahaha!  Good question, Marcy.   Can't wait to read the comments!!

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      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Oh boy, have times ever changed, fpherj!  I think there are differences based on the age group you're in, too.  Dating in teens & 20s is different than when you're older. And I've heard many stories of people meeting scary characters online.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Also we must keep in mind that many couples today (meet) online and they probably feel it is okay to end things that way as well.

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   Levertis Steeleposted 12 years ago

   How to break up should be a personal decision based on the maturity and mental state of both parties. Proper etiquette is not always common sense. If the person who needs to be "dumped" has turned out to be obsessed, dangerous, or anything else that makes one very uncomfortable, an e-mail, phone call, or text could be a wise decision.

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      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I think you listed good reasons to break up from afar rather than in person, Levertis. Yes, it can be appropriate to break up without doing it in person.

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      Lizam1posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Good thoughts.  My initial resonse to this question was no because of poor etiquette but your answer has made me re-think.  Thanks.

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   stricktlydatingposted 11 years ago

   If it's someone you've just been dating and don't want to continue to see, I think it's ok.  But if you break up a committed relationship via text it doesn't give the dumpee closure, so they are more likely to send you several texts and try to call you to talk about it, so you'd be better to at least tell them via a phone conversation, so that they won't continue trying to contact you wanting a proper or further explaination.

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      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, strictlydating - some people want to know the 'reasons,' but I'm not sure it's wise to do that. Relationships are two-way (or else they aren't relationships), so if it's not a fit for one party, it's no longer two-way.

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   Li Galoposted 11 years ago

   I say it's over to guys I'm casually dating by text or email... but, in my defense, let me clarify.  I don't use the phone for talking.  I'm a TOTAL texter.  If someone doesn't text (there are still folks out there that don't), they can email me or even... mail me a letter!  I only check my mailbox once a week so really they should text or email me.  I'm asked out by text, "talk" by text and email, so this is just a natural extension of the way I already communicate with the person I was dating.  Some people say you can't find a job in the workplace unless you use the phone.  Not true anymore.  Employers request interviews with me by email.  My last 'deskjob' didn't even have a phone at the desk.  I emailed only to reach other people from work!  So, I think the days where talking on the phone was the norm are passing away... and that ripples out to all areas of our lives, including ending a relationship.
   
   However, I agree in a committed relationship, you really should see the person face to face (not including psychos!) to end things properly, show the other person respect, and answer questions so they can have closure.  It's especially nice if you pay up the total tab at the cafe or restaurant, too, in the case of dumping someone... even if you are a girl

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      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I think you highlighted one point that's very important, Li - whether a relationship is committed or just casual/new. I should have specified that the break-ups I mentioned were new, not long-term. But some were also psychos - do I get double points?

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   Darknlovely3436posted 11 years ago

   i think it a bit disrespectful to such an act.
   breaking up with someone  is hard  thing to do in some relationship, but looking that person in the eyes i rather take that route( ...but texting or by e-mail to be is a coward way out.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Wouldn't you agree it depends on the person/situation you're dealing with? A person with a history of domestic violence is (smart) to distance them self from their abuser. I say trust your instincts. Better to be a live coward than a dead fool. LOL!

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      Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I can see why it would seem cowardly in a situation where both parties were normal, but I do see dashingscorpio's point when circumstances are otherwise!

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   Mazzy Boleroposted 11 years ago

   Unless your physical safety is going to be at risk, you should have the decency to tell them face to face. Even if you don't want  the relationship to continue on any level, It is important that you part as equal human beings with mutual respect, rather than one person just dumping the other like a bag of garbage. 
   
   If you hardly know each other, it may not matter so much, but if there is a relationship and the other person has lowered their defences to allow themselves to feel something for you - you shouldn't repay that by kicking them in the teeth.  That could make them reluctant to lower those defences with anyone else.
   
   It may take moral courage to do it, but you shouldn't chicken out. You should show enough respect for them to consider their feelings. That is better than showing them they just don't matter at all.

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    arianna12lolposted 11 years ago

    bad  because they are going to think that you are a wimp

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       dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I don't think too many people care about what their ex thinks of them. LOL! This is especially true if it was simply a casual dating scenario.

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    Danita Ellisposted 11 years ago

    I don't think so.If you are confident about your decision.just tell him/her face to face with explaining the reason

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       dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I don't think a lack of confidence in a decision is the cause for people wanting to avoid a face to face talk regarding not seeing one another especially if they were (casually dating). Most of them don't want to deal with "drama" that's my guess.

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    mwangipposted 11 years ago

    it is not fair to text or email,
    
    it shows that one is not sure about it or he/she is guilty about it.
    
    it portrays escape and  betrayal.

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    passthejellyposted 11 years ago

    My instincts say no but now a days it is becoming more and more acceptable to do things over texting or email.  I use to think that it was a bad idea to ask girls out on dates through texting. but I am noticing that more and more girls are okay with it if not prefer it.

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    jravity1posted 11 years ago

    No I have never done this. Infact, this is an absolute sign of weakness.  It doesn't matter what year it is or how advanced our technology is. Face to face is the only way to do this.

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    krbalramposted 11 years ago

    it will be rather painful to hear about the breakup through mail.If you infront of you boyfriend or girlfriend ,you can ask for cause of break-up.You can explain your situation

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       dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       The end results are the same when you think about it. There is nothing your ex could say that would make you "feel better" about having your heart broken. If it was only a "casual dating" situation then it shouldn't matter much.

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    snapbackbettyposted 11 years ago

    No way!!! I think if someone sends a break up email they weren't serious about the relationship anyway. They also may have some fear of telling the boyfriend or girlfriend to their face such as not wanting them to cry or get upset because it may make that person change their mind about breaking up.

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       dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I suspect oftentimes breakups via email/text were not "serious" to begin with. In fact this usually happens after only a handful of casual dates. It seems like people want to "control" how they get dumped or have the chance to (change) his/her mind.

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    wonderful1posted 11 years ago

    Sure, if you're a teenager, and your relationship started out the same way. Mature people talk in person-- or at least on the phone. Text/messages are the coward's choice for breakups.

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       dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       You make a lot of sense! The majority of these types of breakups are done between teenagers. It's rare anyone breaks up this way who has been in a long-term or deeply committed relationship. Most people are responding from the (being dumped) view.

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    Monica Kay 215posted 11 years ago

    I think that breaking up with someone via email or text message is weaselly and rude.

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    voiceofsanjeevposted 11 years ago

    I think thats not the way to go away...but you have to face that guy...If u will do this. In future u will be clear about him/her. If u will Text a msg or mail thats not the right way to quite.

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    watergeekposted 11 years ago

    I have never done this and wouldn't. If I don't know someone that well, or we've been talking about having a relationship, but haven't committed, then I might. But if I've respected and loved them enough to actually be in a relationship for awhile, then I would still respect them enough to tell them in person that I don't want one anymore.
    
    I think people who do it by phone or texting are chickening out, and showing an incredible lack of caring and respect, which tells me their attitude was probably the biggest reason the relationship didn't last . . . unless there was violence involved or they tried to do it before and were dominated out of it.

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    anguillaparadiseposted 11 years ago

    For me is "NO". Because it is useless if your going to end your relationship just only in chat etc. You need to face each other to understand her/him side and you can clearly understand her/him reason. Who knows, for that way you will never ended up your relationship right.

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    dscarchaposted 11 years ago

    No. As a guy, it will be more acceptable for me if a girl asks for a break-up in person. In that case, we can have a more understanding why we are ending the relationship and we will be able to close it without loosing any respect to each other.
    
    On the other hand, if you think your partner is not serious about your relationship, then I guess a text message or email is enough to end what you have started. The important thing about breaking-up is that, you should be able to explain your reason(s) why you're asking for it.

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    Sourabh Thakkarposted 11 years ago

    Well modern ways of breaking up on texts, phone call & even sometime on e-mail are easy and convenient, but the person needs to have an actual real break up so to get over them easily and move on...

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    ReneeDC1979posted 11 years ago

    I think you shoud break up with someone face to face.  I think texting or emailing is so impersonal, and a weak way to handle a grown up situation

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    samadaslamposted 11 years ago

    Yes I done it unfortunately. Breaking up on email or text has some good and bad points. Good is that you can't express the limits of anger and there remains some chance to meet again. Bad thing is that when your love is before your eyes, there's a chance that you won't break up and your love will get excited by looking in her eyes or you may become emotional. I broke up on Text and I guess it was good for me else there could be something very bad if we would be face to face.

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    mylindaelliottposted 11 years ago

    No, it's not ok.  It's rude and tacky.  I think so much texting part of what is making our society rough and cranky.  We are losing the art of being socially in each others presence. 
    
    Don't get me wrong, I text.  I like texting very much.  I can text in situations where I can't call.  I also like being about to see my words before I speak them.  Texting has also started new, different social skills. 
    
    We just need to be careful not to lose our ability to be together and get along and be kind.  Breaking up by text or email is unkind.

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    cjpooja26posted 11 years ago

    No it should be face to face because it shows your weakness and cowardliness.

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    jojoluvsjonposted 11 years ago

    Never!  Even if you've only been dating for a short period of time, you should have enough respect for the other person to call them or do it in person.

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    sheetaljibhakateposted 11 years ago

    ....According to me  ending a relationship by phone or by email..is a very..improper way.If you are breaking up with someone then you should have that much guts to  say it on  his/her face....if you are using above ways..it definitely shows how much you are coward to face that person...

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    staugustineschoolposted 11 years ago

    No its not fare, if you want to break up you have to do this my meeting him, if not he has a guilt in his heart on all his life time !!
    
    SO MY OPINION IS meet up if you want to take that hard decision!

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    dannybobposted 11 years ago

    It is depend on the condition of relation, if you you spent good time then it is a not okay and if you just have this relation for your time pass then it is okay.

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    Will Robinsonposted 11 years ago

    I think that breaking up by phone, through email or texting is very shallow. It's so impersonal and show us where are going as people and a nation. We are becoming very impersonal. We communicate through devices and think that it mean everything because we are communicated. According to James Borg 93% of communication is body language. Commucating with these devices in most cases especially in a relationship is tragic because what we really mean is lost in translation because the person can not see us. I would never break-up with a person this way. It is disrespectful and too impersonal.

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    nanderson500posted 11 years ago

    I think that doing it face to face is definitely the best way. By phone may not be that bad...but texting or email? There's no direct personal contact there at all. It doesn't seem right.

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    Lybrahposted 11 years ago

    No!  The person deserves a face-to-face break-up.  It's awkward and uncomfortable, I know, but texting a break-up is just bad etiquette.

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    ct92posted 11 years ago

    No I don't think it's okay.
    It depends on the whole situation though, so I am not really one to blame others.
    I have never done it, and hopefully never will.

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    DexisViewposted 11 years ago

    Nope.............................never ok...........not even for a coward.

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    Penny Gposted 10 years ago

    It's the chickens way out. They deserve a face to face break up. This high tec life has gotten so insensitive, no wonder there are so many break ups.

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