Hey.Who is up for some good discussion on relationships & cheating?

Jump to Last Post 1-2 of 2 discussions (6 posts)
  1. donotfear profile image87
    donotfearposted 17 months ago

    Okay Hublettes.  What are your thoughts on "once a cheater always a cheater?"
      Let's get real here and make it like it was in 20010.  Yippee.  Let's go !!

    1. Live to Learn profile image80
      Live to Learnposted 17 months agoin reply to this

      Once a cheater always a cheater I'd say hold true in that relationship, but not over the course of relationships. My husband cheated on his first wife and she cheated on him. We've been married for almost twenty years now and he has never given me cause to question. I'd say because it takes two.

      1. donotfear profile image87
        donotfearposted 17 months agoin reply to this

        Well that's good.

        1. donotfear profile image87
          donotfearposted 17 months agoin reply to this

          Tell me this, why can't a man tell a woman he is feeling like he maybe going another direction?

    2. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 17 months agoin reply to this

      "Once a cheater always a cheater" is nonsense!

      If it's possible for a person to be a (former) smoker, drinker, or drug user then it stands to reason a person can (choose) not to cheat!
      Neither cheating or monogamy are built into our DNA. They're choices!
      The "once a cheater always a cheater" is a self-defense device many betrayed people tell themselves in order to avoid potential heartache.

      However if you were in your 30s dating someone who was also in their 30s and you learned that when they were age 18 they cheated on their girlfriend/boyfriend it would seem silly to believe they're "doomed" to be a cheater for the rest of the natural life! Truthfully most teenagers and people in their 20s aren't ready to be (long-term monogamous relationships). They're too immature to know it though. Every year numerous freshman arrive on college campuses (believing) they're going to maintain a long distance relationship with their high school sweetheart for the next 4-6 years while they both get their degrees at different universities.
      Eventually they make new friends, socialize, attend parties and start having feelings for someone who is actually on campus with them.
      (They're guilty of being naïve and having unrealistic expectations!)

      "Once a cheater always a cheater" is also statement betrayed people make in order to avoid giving {their current partner or ex mate} another chance.
      It's probably a good idea not to rush into a relationship with someone who has betrayed (you) especially if the only reason you know about it is because (you caught them).
      Had you not caught them they would still be lying and betraying you!

      Women have been brainwashed by romance novels and Hollywood movies to (cave in when a man begs for forgiveness) and bends over backwards with romantic gestures in attempt to "win them back". Ironically many of them are actually attracted to the drama and see it as part of the journey for getting to "happily ever after".
      They love "the challenge"!

      Boy meets girl, sweeps her off her feet, cheats or mistreats her which causes him to lose her. He comes crawling back licking his wounds and tells her how much of a fool he was... She now feels like princess again!
      If cheating is a real "deal breaker" for you than don't waste your time!

      You asked: "why can't a man tell a woman he is feeling like he maybe going another direction?"

      The goal of most cheaters is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. Very few cheaters are looking to (replace) one relationship with another!
      Essentially they want to "compliment" /add to what they already have!
      Cheating is an immature selfish attempt to "have it all".

      If the goal was to find a new relationship the cheater would breakup with their current mate or spouse. Some people cheat in order to stay or tolerate an unhappy relationship marriage (which may still have benefits).

      There are three basic types of cheaters

      1. The Incessant Cheater
      This person has never been faithful in any long-term relationship.
      They get bored very easily and long for the thrill of being with someone "new". Monogamy for them is like going on a very strict diet.
      It's not a matter of (if) they will cheat but rather (when) they will cheat.
      Their motto is: "Variety is the spice of life!"
      (There's nothing you can do or say that will ever make you "new" again)

      2. The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater
      This person is not proactively looking to cheat. They may have a crush or fantasy about an ex, or someone they see at Starbucks, or at work....etc
      One day {this person} actually smiles and flirts or hits on them!
      It's an "unbelievable opportunity" to make a fantasy into a reality.
      Maybe their mate is out of town or some other circumstance where the odds are low they'll get caught. Sometimes immature men/women can be on a "girls/boys night out" in a bar or on a (weekend getaway) with some "friends" who actually (encourage) him or her to "go for it"!
      Basically they "cave in to temptation" and "peer pressure".
      Most (men) aren't use to being hit on by attractive women.
      Having said that this type of cheater has also sometimes been known to feel overcome with guilt and confess weeks, months, or years later.
      Their confession is a selfish act to unburden themselves from carrying around the guilty secret as their loving mate continues to dote on them.

      3. The Discontented Cheater
      This person blames YOU!
      If you had not done or stopped doing whatever they would have never cheated or "stepped outside" of the relationship. Here is where many betrayed people ask : "If he/she is so unhappy why not just leave?"
      It usually comes down to (what they would be giving up) if they left.

      Imagine a 40 something year old husband with three children and a wife who is going into menopause. She has lost all desire to have sex. They've had conversations, tried lubricants, but she simply isn't interested in sex.
      From his point of view he may see it as though he has three options.

      1. Accept the fact his sex life is over!

      2. Run down to the courthouse to file for divorce, move out of his home into a one bedroom condo, become a weekend dad, pay child support and possibly alimony, split up assets, friends, and family members as they choose sides.....or

      3. Find someone who actually does want to have sex with him!

      Since most cheaters don't believe they will get caught option #3 seems like the "perfect solution" for many of them.

      In the old Q&A section of HP there was once a question asked:
      Is sexual incompatibly a valid reason for ending a marriage?

      Over 90% of the responses said "no". Apparently cheaters agree!

      However I bet if those same people were asked:
      Would you rather your mate (leave you or cheat on you)?

      Most of them would choose to be left!
      It's basically the same question asked from a different point of view.
      If someone is "unhappy" and stays with you odds are they'll seek joy.

  2. profile image60
    Eidenburgposted 13 months ago

    This is really hard to exactly find out who is cheating with you. Because you don't know what's on others mind. This is a complex procedure with zero space for assumption. But in the meantime I read few articles about online cheating http://bestbbwdatingsite.com/different- … -flirting/ I think this is helpful somehow.

    What's your opinion in this? Please let me know if there is another way available. Thanks!


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