Why do men, (and SOME women) think cheating isn't a big deal?

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  1. MamaDragonfly2677 profile image71
    MamaDragonfly2677posted 15 years ago

    Why do men, (and SOME women) think cheating isn't a big deal?

  2. Dr. Gordon profile image60
    Dr. Gordonposted 15 years ago

    Whether or not a person believes it's okay to cheat will depend on their values. If commitment is an integral part of one's belief system regarding marriage, then cheating will not be considered as an option.

  3. Andromeda10 profile image67
    Andromeda10posted 15 years ago

    Happy wives are those who are Cherished, Loved unconditionally, Provided for and Have lots of meaningful sex.
    How does the average wife attain all of this?
    Allow your husband the freedom to cheat and he will MOST LIKELY decide NOT to hook up... read more

  4. jayday1950 profile image61
    jayday1950posted 15 years ago

    Some cheat for a variet of reasons. some do it because their significant other doesn't spend any quality time with their mate. They are  busy at work or maybe just that naieve and leave their mates wanted to be held , touched, loved or simply just want to feel that we are  a bond,a team that does everything together.

  5. WayOutWisdoms profile image61
    WayOutWisdomsposted 15 years ago

    First off... I will state; I did not read the other answers prior to this answer, but will afterwards.

    Here's my take. I personally think cheating is an act of unfaithfulness, untrustworthiness, and ultimately do not approve such behavior in any way, shape, or form.

    Every guy I know, or in most cases knew; has confessed to cheating on his wife or girlfriend. Not to breech the brotherhood of my fellow man, as I myself have walked that fine line, and for reasons pertaining to my determination to be honest... I had to fight the erge like an alcoholic kicking the habit. (Which I did that too)

    Ultimately, I met my wife... o.k., my fiance of 16 years and counting at 19, we've amazing, almost shockingly produced 3 beautiful kids now 15,13, and11.

    We've never been swingers, or full blown sluts. We did however make a pact, if we desire something else... we'd be honest about our fantasies (and many remained or remain just that),but we discuss them openly, honestly, and without barriers or fear...and if the threat towards our family is non-evident, or damaging towards our friendship... then and only then do we grant one another a free pass.

    Personally, some might say that is wrong, and you know what... I couldn't care less, as we've both explored in moderation, and had extra-marital affairs.

    Before this goes from a r-rated answer to and x-rated answer, I'll simply say, we have ~0~ regrets, and a great relationship still. While everyone else we grew up with or knew, tried to move in on us, and we simply sat back, let each other know just how pathetic friends can be behind ones back, and knew...

    None of them would last in their own relationships, and didn't. We always avoided the temptation with what we considered level 1 friends. As friendship always outweighs sex, as does honesty, and loyalty to oneself, and each other.

    Now, I don't recommend our approach for everyone as there are psychological factors, as well as health fears concerning cleanliness, safety, and disease, which we've successfully avoided in the few brief encounters we've had.

    Again, it's not for the faint of heart or feeble minded, but if you are as grounded as we are, then it beats cheating!

    They say to each their own. I say to each be honest, and the truth will set you free! Depravity is no better than cheating!

    Is it right? ~I'll let ya know when I'm dead.

    In absolution I love my wife & she loves me. I cannot, nor will not lie to her, nor deprive her of living her fantasies. In the beginning I was typically over-protective, a touch jealous, as was she.

    Let me tell you, I hope to never have that fear ever again, as it causes people to cheat, makes people suspicious, and destroys potentially life ling friendships, and marriages.

    I can feel the heat on my feet now, as my fellow Christians will likely attempt to pass judgment, and stone me, screaming; "Adultery...Adultery"

    I'll let God decide!

  6. furban profile image59
    furbanposted 15 years ago

    because men and some women are pigs.  Essentially, they think the grass is greener on the other side.  Often they see this through rose colored glasses and when they get there it is often just as brown as the spot they just left.  Why isn't it a big deal, because they are thinking with the right head.  Life is often full of these type of shallow and non-thinking animals.  This is a form of narcissism as they think they can get away with it , and since they think they are one of the beautiful people, they can get away with it.
    Try dating a nerd, they are often thoughtful, loyal, and smart.  They will always treat you as a woman (or a man) as you should be treated.  Just watch out for their quirks, and lack of finesse when dealing with members of the opposite sex.  But once you get past the initial shock, you will find that the relationship is rewarding, loving and can rock your world.

  7. profile image0
    sneakorocksolidposted 15 years ago

    Don't cheat at anything! If you can't play fair then don't drag someone down the path of heartbreak, dispair and loneliness. If you're a worm, and you know if you are, don't make an innocent person go thru that kind of betrayal. If you don't know if you can be faithful then you're not entitled to damage another person in your person growth experiment. Let's face it there are plenty of players out there come correct or accept a players wages and be happy.

    Why do men and some women think it isn't a big deal? Because they are morrally bankrupt and have nothing positive to contribute to a relationship. Oh yea, lets not forget selfish! Peace.

  8. elainevc profile image60
    elainevcposted 14 years ago

    Because it gives the other person an excuse to do the same.. and because some people are just never happy with what they have!  And maybe even because they might not care that much for their partner, in the sense that they don't show interest in each others lives and what they do with their lives doesn't affect them.

    Cheating in my honest opinion is the worst thing you could do to your partner. I feel that if my partner would cheat on me it would mean that I am not good enough and that would most definitely be the start of the downfall for our relationship.

    Don't take your partner for granted, appreciate the time you have together and most of all appreciate each other, or you'll end up saying to yourself "You only know what you've got until you've lost it".

  9. thurstjm profile image68
    thurstjmposted 14 years ago

    There are also lots of people that just want to be in a relationship, so they will choose to be with someone, even if they aren't everything they want. If they get the chance to be with someone they think is better, they cheat.

    Also, your question is pretty biased, and a little bit insulting. Women cheat just as often as men. I am a man, and I have never cheated on someone, not once, but I have been cheated on. Being a man does not make you a cheater.

  10. profile image52
    AdrianScipioposted 14 years ago

    That a good question.  I think if you really break down relationships and life in general it's all about truely being happy with yourself.  And for those people who do cheat probably feel like, ok, I'm in a relationship, but I'm feeling someone esle at the moment.  my current partner loves me and I already love them , so why not mess with the one "I'm" feeling (the one they cheated with) if it will make me even happier.  And in a relationship, if both side have a deep understanding of their realationship and each other, both sides "will" agree on "so called cheating", but, with only certian circumstances like a "Free Pass". So, in all acuality, it isn't a big deal cause now boths sides or the cheater is happy and if there happier their relationship can grow even stronger because of that.

  11. FedRes profile image61
    FedResposted 14 years ago

    Monogamy, in and of itself, is a religous ideology.  It has since spread into a societal norm.  Not everyone holds these same ideals, and, as such, handle monogamy differently.  Some consider it an unnecessary social construct.

    Of course some people, likely the ones you are more likely referring to, are just selfish pigs.

    Personally, I don't feel monogamy is a prerequisite to happiness.  But I also understand most people, like my wife, don't feel that way.  I love, and chose to be with her.  I could never do anything to hurt her.  However, if she cheated on me, I would not leave her.  True love is not conditional, it's not, "I love you, unless you screw up."  We all make mistakes.  And urges of that kind can be very powerful.

  12. aoiffe379 profile image61
    aoiffe379posted 14 years ago

    People tell you that you cannot have your cake and eat it too. Some women and men set out to prove this statement wrong. It is a challenge like the statement that rules were made to be broken. Some people are set up. A person may make a bet and decide not to back out. We have 'widow spiders' in society as well as conquistadors- those who count their conquests.Many times the sins of the parents fall on the children to the third and fourth generation.One person I know wanted a son. His wife gave him a daughter.The person he was dating before his wife and should have married gave him a son. Now, he has a reason to be with his son and the mother of his child.The mentality is that if you can conceive it, go ahead and achieve it.Even the churchgoers and Christians cheat so it cannot be a big deal to the unbeliever or unchurched.

  13. JAMESBIGDOGG5535 profile image60
    JAMESBIGDOGG5535posted 14 years ago


  14. profile image51
    Jelli Headposted 14 years ago

    Because they don't follow the simple code of life, which I have just recently read that George Clooney has the same philosophy
    ..do as you would be done by....
    or maybe they do and they think it is okay to cheat and be cheated by.

    I'm glad that I am in George's company

  15. oldness49 profile image61
    oldness49posted 14 years ago

    Some people cheat because they have no love for the people their with and instead of doing the honest thing and let that person go,they choose to be sneaking around and hold on to that person.And some are never happy with what they have and should never get  married!

  16. Shealy Healy profile image60
    Shealy Healyposted 14 years ago

    Men know that cheating is a big deal. It is a big deal to you. It just may not be a big deal to them. Ofcourse not all males will be cheaters. Those who are-well-who needs them? They don't exist. Right?

  17. Dark knight rides profile image60
    Dark knight ridesposted 14 years ago

    Cheating is a betrayal of trust. And SOME men and women don't care enough about trust to be able to commit to one person. That's very different from an open relationship where the parties agree that it's appropriate to love others as well, called polyamory. But even those relationships, when one partner is going around behind the back of the other(s), it's still cheating. It's still the breaking of trust.

    Whether you think it's a big deal is based on the importance you place on trust and on respect for the person who loves you. People, men and women, have to base their relationships on those two things, or it can't work in the long run.

    And yes, I'm really trying to emphasize that women are just as likely to cheat as men. Most of the women I've known have cheated on a loved one, and many of them have brushed it off like it was nothing.

  18. Midasfx profile image65
    Midasfxposted 14 years ago

    I don't think you should put "SOME women" in parenthesis. I know just as many women as I do men who have destroyed relationships because they cheated on their lovers. Its a terrible thing, and no one should be cheated on. Cheating is a big deal whether you are a guy or girl. The fact of you even saying "SOME women" is actually offensive to me.

    If anything we are on an even playing field here. The only thing that separates us is the fact that women are more likely to dwell on stuff and make a big stink about something where as a guy we just want to get it over with and move on.

    It doesn't help the case that women are now more independent then ever and thinking they are equal to men, doing so they have been acting more like men and being less faithful. So in today's world women are equally sneaking around and sleeping with others. Hence forth a website called www.ashleymadison.com a site designed by women for women. They even have an "Affair Guarantee." I have never seen anything as bad as this before. Unfortunately this "goody-goody innocent girl" thing doesn't hold true anymore yet they still keep thinking they are the innocent victums. well your not anymore. :-) just my thoughts. lol

    This is coming from a single traditional guy who has morals and been cheated on twice and never cheated. So yea, I have a strong bias. lol.

  19. mintinfo profile image62
    mintinfoposted 14 years ago

    Religious, morally upright or not cheating boils down to a lack of respect. No matter the relationship you maintain especially marriage, if you both make a bond to be faithful to each other and you break it through deception then you have no respect for the feelings of your partner. Why the lack of respect could be that we live in a disposable culture. It's as easy to change a relationship as it is to buy a cup of coffee. Most of us are skeptical of opening our hearts to anything deeper than a friendship with benefits so we sail along the surface of our emotions jumping ship as the waters get rough.

  20. advisor4qb profile image75
    advisor4qbposted 14 years ago

    You know, I have heard far too many people say that a leopard never changes his spots with regard to cheating. 

    Cheating is dishonest and obviously mars the relationship, sometimes beyond repair, but there are always deeper causes than just one person being "a cheater."

    It may be that the person feels insignificant in the relationship and needs to be appreciated (but isn't).  It may be that the partner is not fulfilling sexual needs or doesn't understand them or relate to them on some level. 

    Some people think it isn't a big deal because a big deal isn't made of it when it happens.  If it causes you to lose the relationship and the relationship is at all important to you, then yes, it would be more of a big deal than it is to a person who is permitted time and time again by a partner with low self-esteem to cheat repeatedly.

  21. profile image0
    reeltaulkposted 14 years ago

    Uh I guess you could go figure the kind of relationships they've been in!

  22. Springboard profile image82
    Springboardposted 14 years ago

    I'm not sure that anyone truly believes, who end up on the receiving end of a cheat, that its okay. My father, for example, cheated on my mother nearly the entire 17 years of their marriage. The woman he eventually left my mother for cheated on him and he divorced her for it.

  23. Jodah profile image90
    Jodahposted 14 years ago

    I'm a man, and I think cheating IS a big deal. You can't lable all men te same, or all women. we all were provided with decision making skills, free will, and the ability to tell right from wrong. Some of us tend to take notice of our conciences(even under pressure from temptation) while others ignore them.
    I admit it takes a strong person to be ever faithful, especially when faced with flatery or flirting from someone other than their partner(whom they find attractive)....I know I have been on the edge of cheating, but always come to my senses and realised how much I loved my partner, and did I want to chance destroying that? My wife and I did agree to try a 4some with another couple we were friends with. This relationship continued for over a year, and probably cemented our marriage even further, and had no ill effects. we did stick by certain rules though.....at all times the two of us were always present. Neither of us have ever cheated, and I am confident we never will.

  24. Jay Louidor profile image60
    Jay Louidorposted 13 years ago

    They've been told by societies actions towards marriage and relationships that since no one honors their commitment, whats the big deal? No ones interested in being the opposite. It's easier to cheat.

  25. profile image0
    Rosemary Banksposted 13 years ago

    To me those who indulge in cheating are people with low self esteem.


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