Cousin's Getting Married; I'm not Thrilled

1. 85

   Whitney05posted 13 years ago

   She's like me in that she really doesn't have that many friends, which means when it comes to a wedding party, it's a limited choice. Her finance has a number of options, whereas she not so much...
   
   Well, all I have to say is why do I want to be in her wedding, when I myself do not want to have a wedding? I believe in marriage, but not the 1000s spent on a wedding ceremony and reception. I'll do it, but that doesn't mean I won't complain about it.
   
   But on top of that, her fiance wants to go to Vegas for his bachelor's party. That's $500 round trip and hotel plus gambling money. My boyfriend is one of his friends and is invited to go as he'll probably be a part of the wedding party. I mean $500 isn't that bad for the trip, but he wants to take another $500 to gamble, totalling $1000
   
   Plus, she'll probably ask me to go with her to Florida the same weekend.
   
   Here's the problem... We're getting a house this year. We won't have the money for say $1500 in trips plus boarding for the dogs and cat. Well, currently we only have one dog, but he knows I want a cat and he wants a Boxer. So, we'll probably have those by the time these little vacation parties take place (Memorial Day weekend 2011).
   
   That's a year to save, but I'll be darned if I'm putting myself in a financial bind for her because I know she wouldn't do it for me. She's the type of person, if it's not her way, then it's not going to happen, and that's on a regular basis not just in regards to her wedding.
   
   
   Let's just say, I told my boyfriend I'm not saying no because it's a year away, but the likelihood of us being able to afford it is slim.
   
   
   Because Ooo, his birthday is June 1, which is right after this bachelor/bachelorette party weekend. I can't get him what I want to get him, plus all that, plus house payment, and house bills.
   
   
   Sorry, I may be the sourpuss when it comes to her little weekend, but no... Just no...

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2. 67

   Ivorwenposted 13 years ago

   I don't understand brides and grooms asking others to put out so much for their wedding.  It is their wedding, after all. 
   
   When my husband and I got married, we paid for everything, including the clothing for our party.  We did it, because it was not something the party would have bought for themselves, whether or not they could use it again.
   
   Don't feel bad about saying no.  You know your finances, and they are yours to deal with, not hers to direct.

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3. 76

   Hauntyposted 13 years ago

   You are right, Whitney. I wouldn't even consider it. I mean you can get together like that as friends but not like this. You are more important for you, which is understandable. If you know what I mean... um...

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4. 59

   Dame Scribeposted 13 years ago

   I agree with Ivorwen don't feel bad if you must decline the invitation. Also, I would suggest you get your b/f to do up a budget so he can see for himself, what the costs will be. Maybe sober him up a bit and think twice.

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5. 60

   Colebabieposted 13 years ago

   I see what you're saying. I am going to a wedding in June, however the bride and groom are very considerate with their guests finances. The bachelorette weekend is in Orlando (only a few hours drive from me) and only costs $65 for the whole weekend. She also asked that we not get her a gift.
   
   I understand your frustration. I would try to do a budget, and if you simply can't afford it, respectfully decline the invite. See if you can get a friend to watch the dogs, check ticket prices often to see when they are the cheapest. $500 in gambling money is just not necessary.
   
   It is unreasonable for her to expect for you to put out such an expense.

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6. 66

   Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

   Whitney, you're a smart person when it comes to finances.  Don't feel bad because you have to decline an invitation.  If she and other family members make you feel guilty, don't let them.

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7. 64

   Mishaposted 13 years ago

   Under you current financial situation I would say no. But then you might start making millions a day on HP in half a year, and it will not be such a big drain on your budget.

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8. 85

   earnestshubposted 13 years ago

   Save your money Whitney. Ensure your boyfriend understands how you feel and why it would not be viable.
   You need to concentrate on setting up your own nest I believe.
   Good luck with it all.

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