Relationship

1. 50

   Steve oposted 14 years ago

   I got married 6 months ago but after our honeymoon our Sex life hit rock bottom, Overall nothing has changed but sex. Whenever i ask her about shes either says in not in the mood or she doesnt feel like it. And a week ago she found a porn DVD I had and she got pissed off. And i can help but get mad myself b/c i  rather watch that than cheat on her. I either need ideas on whats can replace sex or how i can figure whats up with her.

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   1. 66

      TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Okay...Well, I've been on the OTHER end of your situation (i.e., the one who "doesn't feel like it"). How long has it been since you last had sex? Are you SURE nothing else has changed?
      
      Like Lynda said, have you talked to her about it?
      
      From my experience, just as soon as a man starts acting like he's entitled to sex, or owns it, is EXACTLY when he stops getting it from me. It also makes me curiously lock-kneed when a man starts behaving as though all the money is his (even if I made some of it) and all the housework is mine. I'm not saying this is the situation with you...but it's worth asking about.
      
      I also do not want to have sex if I am depressed or sick--you may also explore those options.
      
      Nothing replaces sex. If she's withholding sex (and even if she's not) she doesn't have the right to get ticked off just because you enjoy a little porn.
      
      ETA: By the way, I can't help but get the feeling that you two probably got married too quickly. You're married and she thinks you don't watch porn? You guys might want to get on the couples counseling boat now.

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   2. 0

      woolman60posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      There are many people who have certain mental issues dealing with sex. This can make it impossible for a man or a woman very reluctant to participate and not get any enjoyment out of it.
      
      Maybe she is having some mental issues, that you are not aware of and you both need to discuss, or at least try to discuss. Some one told me that sex was 80% mental. Good Luck

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2. 60

   Lynda Garyposted 14 years ago

   This happened to me, too.  He turned out to be gay.  NOT saying that this is YOUR situation, though.
   
   I understand your frustration. 
   
   Have you sat down and told her exactly how you feel?  If not, you need to.  And try to appeal to her emotions, given that women are emotional compared to men, usually.  By this I mean, rather than saying, "I need to have sex," say something like, "I miss making love to you. Don't you know how much I love it when we are that close?"  or "When we make love, it makes me feel so close to you, and nothing compares to that.  I don't want to make love to anyone else on the planet but YOU.  I promised you forever.  Let me enjoy loving you."
   
   Obviously, you probably DONT talk like that ... but hopefully it gets the point across.
   
   I'm concerned that something else is bothering your wife.  You need to know what it is.  I doubt it has anything  to do with sex.  But if you two enjoyed a healthy sex life before marriage, something is going on.  Perhaps she is starting to wonder if marriage was a mistake. That's not uncommon, and it doesn't mean that she loves you any less.  But it's something to talk to her about, without passing judgment.
   
   The bottom line is:  You two need to communicate, deeply and honestly.

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3. 67

   blondepoetposted 14 years ago

   Something else is wrong in the marriage hence that is why there is no sex.
   The fact that you two can't talk about it to determine what the problem is shows that communication between you guys is a big problem.
   My advice is you won't find the answer here, we are only speculating, you really need to open up a communication channel with your wife.

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   1. 66

      TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hey BP! Good answer. I concur!

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   2. 0

      Kathryn LJposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Me too, blondpoet is right.  Don't listen to us speculating, talk to your wife.  Hope everything turns out well for you very soon.

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      1. 60

         Lynda Garyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         now why didn't I think of that? Communication, huh?
         

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4. 59

   GoGrannyposted 14 years ago

   Maybe she is harboring resentment and possibly doesn't realize it. How long did you two date before you were married? If it wasn't long maybe she didn't realize that there were negative things about you she overlooked. Who brought up the idea of marriage first?

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5. 54

   probafixposted 14 years ago

   Interesting thread..

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