Is she independent or is he too controling

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   britecoachposted 14 years ago

   DO men have a real problem with women who are independent? The women that speak their minds, pay thier own bills, and move to the beat of their own drum.  Is it safe to say that men that date weak woman date them because dating a woman who has direction in her life is too hard? Let's Talk about it....

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      Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      yes.. yes i do (accept for the paying of the bills part.. she can pay mine too)

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      TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      In my experience it has been the case that many men are intimidated by a woman who does those things, or who is very independent - the intimidation often leads to a line of thinking akin to, "Well what does she need me for? She can leave anytime she wants and find someone better than me." This is usually the case with men who have insecurities.
      
      But it is not by any means the case with all men. There are many men who appreciate a woman who isn't clingy or who isn't a dependent child. Some men value the strength and intelligence of a woman who has her own direction and with whom a relationship is solely about companionship and love rather than need.
      
      I guess it takes all kinds. I'm just still looking for that second kind of guy...LOL

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         sneakorocksolidposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Their out there, good luck!

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            TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Thanks...apparently I need it! LOL
            
            I think I'm just a workaholic. Perhaps I'm too demanding (i.e., I demand to be left to my own devices more often than not...LOL)

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      Beelzedadposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I have no problem with women who want to be independent and women who want to be placed on a pedestal, I don't even have a problem with the the women who want to exploit both.
      
      It's only when they have a problem with me wanting the same things.

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   sneakorocksolidposted 14 years ago

   Well my wife makes a lot more than I do but, we always consult each other when we do anything.

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   Padrinoposted 14 years ago

   Are those the only two choices we have? That's kind of like asking "do you still beat your wife?"

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   britecoachposted 14 years ago

   @ Greek One=  what is it about her being independent that upsets you?

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      Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      ---first she wants to make her own money
      
      ---then she wants to spend her own money
      
      ---then she will buying magazines like Cosmo
      
      ---then she will start reading up on stuff like the female orgasm and other such myths
      
      ---after that it is a slipper slide that can lead to nothing but bad stuff, I tell ya!

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         Kathryn LJposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Myths!!!!!!!!  Chortle  I bet bad stuff happens if you say stuff like that to your wife.  By the way, Cosmo has a really good pull out on size and shape of mens' do da's, has she seen it?

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            Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            I was going to show it to her, but she was too busy cleaning and doing my laundry!
            
            

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               Kathryn LJposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               LOL.  I bet you do your own ironing, you would't want her handling a hot offensive weapon now would you.  Dam, everything I write tonight sounds like a line from a carry on film.  It's your influence!

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   Cagsilposted 14 years ago

   The entire topic is moot. It's subjective to one's ego. The inability of realizing that one's ego is damaging their view about the other person is the primary fault.
   
   Many men do not like independent woman, because past experience tells them they are much harder to get along with than someone who they can control or dominate.
   
   The independent woman, sometimes comes across as an "alpha-female" free spirited and energized more than the average man can handle. This makes man intimidated.
   
   Just my thoughts on it.

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      StormRyderposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You have hit it spot on Ray.."Intimidation" & "Ego".
      Nicely done sir!

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         Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you Stormy.

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      britecoachposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      So do you feel that those insecurities can be the reason this man could be  having a hard time finding and maintaining a healthy relationship because he's looking for some kind of power in his life

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         Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I think that any man who feels challenged by a female needs to re-evaluate their own ego. Should one feel challenged by a woman's ability to be self-dependent, which means that they do not require man's financial assistance or support, is very much a let down and can lead to insecurities in oneself.
         
         This would show how much little faith is re-enforcing his ego. It also shows his ignorance about life.

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   StormRyderposted 14 years ago

   Many men do have problems with independent women...the cause is most likely insecurities. I think man that can't accept or deal with an independent woman are not real men at all and basically it's their loss for being that way. A real man would love and support his wife-girlfriend completely and always in any situation.
   
   Maybe thats way I have been single for so long???

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      FranyaBlueposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I agree, it's the insecurities!
      
      Plus a man has a hard enough time trying to be manly as it is (or at least thats how they might feel), if we start being independent then it makes their job seem harder. That's why they don't like it.

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         britecoachposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         so for a woman that has been doing and taking care of herself for a while. Does she need to change her ways to make him feel better in the relationship?

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            StormRyderposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Hell no! She should not have to change to be loved and accepted!
            Maybe he needs to change and grow up then maybe he can love unconditionally?

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               britecoachposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               do you think that they both can make some changes? In his case..learning to except her for the strong person she is and for her allowing his voice to be heard. As women, we have been the man and the woman in our own lives that we can;t share the role with anyone us without feeling weak. Just food for thought.

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            TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Um. No.
            
            First of all, she's probably not truly able to do that. And if she were, she'd resent the guy. Better to be alone than with someone who can't love you for who and what you are. What the hell kind of relationship is it if it's based on HIM wanting to be the one in control just to make sure he can possess you?? Not a close, intimate, loving one that's for sure.

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            FranyaBlueposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            No way! If us girls remain independent then they can learn to live with it and get over their insecurities.

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      TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Sounds like we're in the same boat.

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         StormRyderposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         It seems so
         
         Best get back to work....Have great afternoons everyone!!

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   Kenrick Chatmanposted 14 years ago

   "The women that speak their minds, pay their own bills, and move to the beat of their own drum."
   
   These are characteristics I like in women. I like a woman who can hold her own in a conversation. I like a woman who pays her own bills on time, have low debt, and good credit.
   
   I also like a woman who moves to her own drum and has the freedom to do so since I need some time to myself for:
   
   relaxing, watching sports, and acting like I feel like acting at the time when no one (including her) is around.... i.e. dressing in my comfortable clothes including undergarments with a few holes, eating like a barbarian, cutting the cheese wherever I am sitting, belching out loud, speaking in slang, walking inside the house in my birthday suit, listening to loud gangsta rap, and so on.

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      Kathryn LJposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Except for the gangsta rap, you could be describing my perfect night in!

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         Kenrick Chatmanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Cool. I listen to gangsta rap (Tupac, NWA, other old school West Coast rap, and Geto Boyz [from Houston Texas] I grew up listening to) when I am really feeling upbeat or pumped up.
         
         The rappers who told stories with their rhymes and you could understand what they are saying. Here is a popular song that crossed over into the mainstream when I was in high school. It is a song that talks about being paranoid called "My Mind Playing Tricks on Me" by Geto Boyz.
         
         http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KutXyPEEbQs
         
         This is a song called Ever So Clear by the midget in the Geto Boyz called Bushwick Bill in which he described his life and the events that led to him losing his eye after getting wasted on Everclear and weed.
         
         http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTICl8D-t_o

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   Paradise7posted 14 years ago

   No gansta rap for me, can't get into it, it doesn't seem musical enough for me, but hey--eating the way you want, doing what you want to do with reference to another person's wishes, really everybody's gotta do that sometimes, give themselves some alone time.
   
   I'm an independent woman, a VERY independent woman.  My ex-husband once said to me, the problem was, that made me unpredictable to him.  He didn't always know what to expect.  And that bothered him.  It bothered him that I bought a car without consulting him, since I was the sole owner of it and the one paying for it.  I just really didn't want his input on that issue, and a few others, and it bothered him.

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      Kenrick Chatmanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Depends on the kind of gangsta rap.
      
      If you like Eminem, then you will like the old school gangsta rap I listen to. There are several artists who told good stories in their songs with good lyrics. Some with better stories and lyrics than Eminem.
      
      However, they never became mainstream due to the swearing, the time (censorship on their songs since they were sort of pioneers), and the theme of their stories - struggling in the inner cities of America filled with poverty and violence.
      
      Dr. Dre one of N.W.A. original members discovered Eminem. I remembered watching a N.W.A. documentary which they were asked how they sold so many records in the US when they were banned from US radio stations.  They stated that a good portion of their customers were kids with rich parents and non-minorities who sort of wanted to rebel.
      
      "Rolling Stone ranked N.W.A 83rd on their list of the "100 Greatest Artists of All Time." See commentary below.
      
      "N.W.A was a Compton, California-based hip hop group widely considered one of the seminal acts of the gangsta rap sub-genre. Active from 1986 to 1991, the group endured controversy due to the explicit nature of their lyrics.
      
      They were subsequently banned from many mainstream U.S. radio stations and even at times prevented from touring - yet the group has still sold over 9 million units in the U.S. alone. Their first album, Straight Outta Compton, marked the beginning of the new gangsta rap era as the production and the social commentary in their lyrics were revolutionary within the genre.
      
      Rolling Stone ranked N.W.A 83rd on their list of the "100 Greatest Artists of All Time".
      
      Although largely unknown at the group's inception, rappers Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, Eazy-E, MC Ren and DJ Yella would all go on to be platinum-selling stars as solo artists."

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   blondepoetposted 14 years ago

   They may say they don't mind but deep down it is a bruise to the ego.

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      Paradise7posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Why, though?  My own choices are my own choices...that doesn't reflect, either well or poorly, on my mate.
      
      I really don't quite get how it can be a blow to a man's ego when his significant-other woman shows an independent spirit.  Why is that a blow to HIS ego?  He didn't do anything wrong or anything, she just likes to consult with her own self on certain things.  It doesn't mean he isn't VALUED....
      
      Relationships have always given the pink and purple fits!

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         Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         You're right, it doesn't reflect poorly on your mate, but does reflect poorly on you, as pertaining to your understanding of the meaning of the word relationship. When married, a decision of that magnitude should be a joint decision. At least, in a traditional two-way marriage and not a dominate one.
         It is a blow to his ego because you are showing him to not matter in the relationship.
         There usually is a reason for the pink and purple fits, as you say, and that reason is because there happens to be a mis-communication problem. This can be destructive to any relationship.
         
         Just my take on what you said.

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            Kenrick Chatmanposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            It's not a blow to my ego since I am with the younger generation that saw women become independent and start to compete with men in the workplace.
            
            Here is a song that is probably less than a year old called "Miss Independent" by Ne-Yo which the singer talks about being attracted to independent women.

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            Paradise7posted 14 years agoin reply to this

            He bought a car, a used Cadillac ragtop, without consulting ME!  Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander....it's either a two-way street or not a street at all.

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