Cheated- does that mean it has to be over?

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   cdmplsposted 14 years ago

   I had an a affair two years ago that lasted for five months...I have been with my husband for 16yrs...we have been married almost 7yrs. We have for sure had our share of issues over the years and many if not all of them were never addressed just sweep under the rug and ignored..Needless to say all these thing but a strain on our marriage. I began feeling as if I was not important to my husband...we have three children and in my eye they were the only ones that mattered to him ( oh yeah and his dad). On his list of priorities I felt that I was not in the top five at all. Well an ex boyfriend contacted me by way of the computer which I was shocked about cause I hadn't talk to him in 17yrs..he just became a listen ear someone to have a conversation with cause my husband seemed less than willing....after I got home it was more like mom's home so I'm done...so I would feed kids and go in my room each day to watch tv alone til bedtime...My ex gave me emotional companionship...just calls to say hey good morning and have a nice day...that appealed to me I never thought thing would really go the way it did...when he confessed he still had an attraction it was flattering...and I just got stupid I guess...I confessed to my husband cause I did and still do love him very much...I admit I was confused cause of the emotional support that I was getting from my ex... I had to tell my husband and when I did his reaction was a bit surprising he said he forgave me cause I was woman enough to come to him and we could work things out...I had a hard time letting go of the ex because I liked the place that he filled...my husband and I just didn't talk like that and I felt I needed that...My husband found that he was still contacting me and I didn't cut things off and went crazy at that point...It's been two yrs and I've been doing everything in my power to convince him that I love him and I only want him...I want to build something new and better with him...he is so stubborn and not open to anything I say...He hasnt moved out we are still living together and some days are great he talks of future plans then others he his just not the man I married...he has begun with his own online flirting which I cant even begin to address...I just don't know I'm I wasting my time...

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      TPTravelposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I think that if both people want the marriage to continue, then it is not hopeless. You can heal the betrayal and both people can learn to trust again. I strongly recommend finding a good counselor who specializes in counseling for infidelity. Marriages are full of ups and downs, if you can make it through this low, there will be better times ahead.
      
      Best of luck!

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         cdmplsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for the feedback cause it is so very hard but I feel that its worth it in the long run...I am in agreement on the counseling...only I messed that up cause when HE mentioned it I was still confused on everything his reaction to it why I did it....we had just relocated I brushed him off and told him he needed the counseling now he is being stubborn and refuses...saying he is not doing it just cause I want to...there is many issues that are underlying that needs to be discussed

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   ralwusposted 14 years ago

   hmmm. there's that cat again. Do a hub on it.

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      cdmplsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Maybe!!??

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      SomewayOuttaHereposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      i'm going to have remember that expression - i like it. 
      
      not here to reply to your post cdmpls - already did somewhere else;  thought i did anyway.

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      Supatrupaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      true do a hub on it..
      
      But sounds like you're in a dead end marriage and beats me why you still hanging around?

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