Are you the type of person to hug a lot with family & friends ?
When we gave "Free hugs" at a camping show we had a lot of people say they hadnt had a hug in years which I thought was sad.
We are on you tube giving hugs in Sydney Harbour/
I will hug very few people with which I am not doing the naked dance.
I will hug my kids--whether they want it or not--and I will hug my mother and my father. I also on occasion have to return a hug if I run into huggy people. You know the type.
oh my god, they hug you when they say hi, touch you all night, and hug you when you leave them. I call it great aunt girdy syndrome!
Yup you got it!
Mind you, unlike some folks here I am not so screwed up that I won't accept people like that or even shake hands.
You have to shake hands at least.
I was picking up a six pack for my boyfriend tonight. I had to walk through the bar to get to the liqor store part of the establishment. Some youn african american man who i have never met in my life walked up to me and said "you aint gonna hug me?" and reached for a hug. I half heartedly huged back, and beat it out of there. no, i dont hug, because once people see you hug, everyone wants one, and that becomes a problem durring cold and flu season! - pink
no actually i wont mind givin people hugs ... moreover i take it as affection.My aunt 's a socialite whom i tend to go parties with and over there you have to be that kind of guy who is up beat and down to earth . You have drinks , casual conversations and have a good time so hugging is not that big a deal.
Just think of the times when you are low ,in need of someone who you can share your problems with but you are lonely ,,,,its only then you will understand the value of a hug.
I'm personally a hug-a-holic! I love to give hugs and I love to receive hugs! It's in my nature, just paqrt of who I am!
I'm pretty touchy feely, so yes, I hug a lot. Some folks get kinda creeped out, but it's my way of showing affection.
Yes, a lot specially if I didn't see them for long time, and they need one because they have problems, mostly to friends and relatives.
To children when they are upset, and every time they need it
Only to beautiful people.
And sad people.
Or nice ones. Lonely ones. Happy ones.
I used to hug because it was part of my culture after not seeing someone for a time. Now, since living in Quebec, Canada, hugs are weird and it is custom to kiss on both cheeks. I am not a big fan of this because of viruses, but I don't have a choice really. Hugs don't work as well and are kind of awkward when the other person is going for the kiss and I'm going for a wrap-around hug. So now, I just take the other persons lead. But, hugs are good. I loved hugs and kind of miss them. at least i hug my children a lot
No, I'm extremely unhuggy (and unkissy too). And it really bugs me when someone I hardly know tries to hug or kiss me. Basically I only feel comfortable when hugged by (a) my other half or (b) close family.
Hugs are good;
try to hug to the left (your head over the left shoulder of the other person, not the right; most of us just seem to have learned to hug on the right)--
this will let you hug heart-to-heart
hugs are great medicine. What do we do when a baby cries? Or a toddler trips and scrapes her knee? We pick them up and hug them to us, to comfort them and make them feel secure.
I don't see how adults are any different inside; we might not cry so much in public, but a hug is a hug is a hug.
Every time the topic of hugs come up, I'm reminded of 2 incidents.
#1: While living in Eugene, Oregon, in 1973, my ex and I got a surprise visit from one of my sisters and her husband. They'd decided to swing by on vacation (they're from Montana). That Donna and I hugged, as siblings, was more or less expected. That burly Bill, my brother in law, gave me a healthy hug was not so expected. We'd never done that before. But yeah, it was cool.
#2. In 1988, while on a business tour in western Montana (living in California at the time), my ex (different ex) and I gave a presentation on the Rez in Arlee, Montana. My best friend from high school lived in Arlee. When he showed up to say hello, I headed out across the lawn with open arms to give him a hug.
Whereupon he backed up with both palms raised and an unmistakeably hostile expression, more or less snarling,
"You been in California too long!"
We've not spoken since.
I didn't realize what a naturally unhuggy person I was till I got into AA, where EVERYBODY hugs. It's really softened me up and hugging someone other than my Hubby or kitties comes more naturally.
Why wait till someone says, "You look like you need a hug" to make physical contact that is healthy, healing, and just plain human!
Ha ha Ghost!
Your story about the high school friend is too rich.
Don't you just hate it when people tell you you've been in California too long!!!???
Here's a recent "crossing the boundary" -- but in a good way -- story.
I recently started working with a new client. Ok, she works for a nonprofit, but hasn't always. And she's not the gushy touchy kind, either. But, when we made our "breakthrough" presentation that wowed her CEO (and made her look good to have hired us) at the end of the meeting, instead of shaking hands, she said, "I think this calls for a hug!"
As they say... when in Rome....
I hug anyone who is up for it. It took 10 years of my adulthood to get my dad used to it.
I live in a big family of huggers. Adults, kids, dogs, cats, even the bird gets hugs!
I pretty much hate hugging (unless it's my kids or a spouse). I think that comes from being "suffocated" by too many aunts (who I loved but didn't want to hug) when I was a kid. My kids have commented on how their aunt "suffocated" them with her hugs too - so aunts apparently need to watch out or they'll scar their nieces and nephews forever!
I hate hand-shaking too.
I don't know... It's not that I'm as cold as I make myself sound. It's just that I have a high bar when it comes to who I'll hug when. I have a select few people and a select few reasons when it comes to hugging - and I want everyone else out of my "invisible space bubble" .
Oh good, I'm glad I'm not the only person here with an invisible space bubble LOL. The trouble with "huggers" is that they all seem to assume that what THEY like doing (hugging) is the "right" thing for everyone, and that anyone who isn't huggy like them must be lacking in some way. Nuts to that, I say.
It's all down to temperament (as well as culture). If, like me, you're an introvert with a big need for boundaries and personal space, then you're never going to be a happy hugger and personally I don't see why I should pretend to be something I'm not just to conform to other people's arbitrary view of what is "right".
This topic has pushed one of my buttons so sorry about the rant.
Lisa said it pretty much how I feel - not sure why I am like that. I love to hug my grandkids, and of course my children when I have been away for a while, but I'd rather not hug every one just because it is expected. Sometimes it feels so superficial. Here in Hawaii most people are touchy feelly and it has been a struggle for me. I guess I'll have to ask my therapist - hehehehe.
I'm glad I'm not the only one too. Not only do I have a large "invisible space bubble" around myself, but I have a big space bubble around any car I drive and even around my stuff! (I don't want other people's stuff touching my stuff.)
When my kids were younger I was really, really, affectionate with them. I'd be snuggling them and kissing their noses as I was doing something like carrying them to the car. (Two of them are sons, so you know how that changes. My daughter is like me, now that she's grown.)
I think a lot of it does have to do with your family and culture, though. My family was/is always close and loving. We're just not touchers. There's Irish and Scottish in the background, so I'm guessing it may have something to do with that. Other nationalities are often more demonstrative, or else they just don't have as high a bar for hugging. For me, like for elayne001, I don't like hugs that seem superficial.
elayne001, I have no intentions of talking to a therapist. I love my airy space bubble. The way I see it, all those other people need to learn about space bubbles.
Generally, Asians are not into hugs, especially the traditional ones. While those Asians who have been exposed to other cultures where hugs are concerned, they find it like no different from handshakes. While for me, not exactly in the younger generation and even though I am exposed to other cultures, do not find it comfortable to do so, unless the hugs are from my western friends, which I accept, but not from my eastern ones - perhaps this is too much culture involved, on my side.
When I first met my husband he was not a hugger at all. I think his family was never the hugging type. But he's coming around I hug him alot. And I've noticed he's come to me expecting a hug just out of the blue now.
I guess I am a hugger (with people I know). But am often a little hesitant to give a full bear hug and am usually a little more incline to give a pat on the back. I am not sure why, I have never given it a thorough thought
I absolutely love hugging a lot, and i always add a couple of pats on the back when i do. I'm a people lover, so i always feel like hugging.(only people i know, or haven't seen for a while ofcourse).
Hugs to you all. LOL!!
I liked Ghost and MM's hug stories, and they reminded me of this one-- years ago, we were interviewing candidates for assistant English prof.; the group was excellent, however two of them stood out--both brilliant (in radically different ways).
The only problem was that one of the two is a dear, dear friend. I was torn six ways from Sunday. I was also chairing the hiring committee. In any other situation I would have recused myself, of course, and let someone else do the hiring. We were such a small campus at the time that we had no choice. So the other committee members chose the other candidate; all I could do was state that I wasn't voting for my friend because she was my friend; that the reason we were friends in the first place is because she has a brilliant mind and is a superb teacher.
Anyhow, the other candidate was hired, and arrived that summer, and no one was available to pick him up at the airport, so I went.
Well, he came walking out of the arrivals gate with such a smile, and gathered me up in such a hug, that my heart not only melted, it solidified-real-quick-just-so-it-could- melt again. He is indeed probably the best thing that happened for the academic programs development at our little college, and everyone agrees he is a warm and most congenial colleague and friend.
Oh, and the next year we hired my first pal, anyway.
yea i guess i'm a hugger..the best ones are with the people i love..
from time to time through my work...i'm asked for one from someone who is really down on their luck...so to be asked...i know they really need one because no one has given them one in a long time...those hugs are really special...and i give them a really nice one from my heart....and it's not just a quick one...and when I see the person light up for a moment because we connected - it's just a great feeling...the last one was from a request from a child...his Dad was asking me to help him out because they had little food at home...his son was happy that someone cared about him and his Dad...as i walked away - his son told his dad 'she smells like vanilla'!
I have been giving them, but I'm considering charging from now on, setting up a price schedule for different kinds:
quick, light hug - $1
longer, closer hug - $2.50
really close squeeze - $5.00
but seriously, have you ever been in a group of people who are coming or going - hugs all around, but something about the look on your face tells them to pass on by, and they do! and you're kind of relieved, but you also feel like it was so obvious and embarrassing since you were the only one in the crowd nobody hugged. I don't much like to be hugged unless its my family and very close friends. Don't really like to touch other people I don't know well, don't know why.
LOL!...now there's an idea....don't forget about the 'purrrr.....' or 'brushing up' to someone.....
i think that is okay....there's gotta be some kind of initial connection...and if it's not there...it's not there....otherwise it's too superficial...
yes. hugs are nice, and no, they're not like aunty em hugs.
just a fun hug that says, hello or see you later.
sometimes hugs are very therapeutic when someone is sad.
people truly do need each other..
I go out of my way to avoid being hugged, and never hug others. I'm just not the 'huggy' type
I like hugs, but always think no one wants me to hug them, so....I hug my kids.
I hug people whom I am close to like close friends or relatives. I also many times hug those who are elderly or distressed.
Not a really huggy type. My folks were not into a lot of hugging, nor was the rest of the family. I kind of learned via osmosis that hugs are for your children or your spouse, not strangers.
I've loosened up a little, and will hug good friends, but yes, a couple we know who is "in recovery" are both very 'huggy' and frankly, I'm uncomfortable hugging a man who is not my husband.
Wow, lots of interesting responses here. I heard somewhere that a piece of research suggests that 50 hugs a day boosts the immune system, so those of you who are a little afraid of the germ part, might actually be getting an innoculation besides the hug!!
It's great to give a hug and receive a hug. Two different actions there. Try just letting someone hug you without returning the hug.
But it is unnerving when someone you don't know, hugs you as if they do know you. I have lots of ideas as to what that is about, but sometimes maybe some folks are just huggy and so I would be best off to give up my psychoanalysis and just take the hug and move on with my life.
A hug from another guy is often quite validating for me as a man, maybe because I didn't get enuf hugs from good ol Dad when I was little. Not a blame thing, but just trying to make sense out of why it is so life giving.
I like the free hug videos. Very interesting to watch people's reactions and humorous as well. If you haven't seen them, go to you tube and watch. Good night, all. HUGS to all of you! Pretty safe giving a hug this way and to so many people all at the same time. I'm pausing for a moment to see if I feel anything coming back. I know, stupid, no one has raad this yet, so how would I feel anything coming back? You didn't have to tell me that. I was just hoping that through some miracle of the universe I might get a few hugs in return. But I get it No one has read this yet, so how could they respond even if they wanted to and I already know that some of you won't respond, so why am I even waiting? I have to get up very early and attend the early morning meeting of Are You Angry Anonymous and you are right. No one hugs there! You know this whole issue is like trying to get your brain around something, but it's obviously trying to get your arms around somebody else. Reminds me of the old song, Chalkin. Have you ever heard the son, Chalkin? Well, I have rambled on enough here over such a interesting and warm and controversial, boundary breaking, boundary expanding topic. Where in the heck is Ted Koppel at a time like this? Good night for good, now. Maybe I will check out this forum tomorrow. Hugs spelled backwards is Sguh. I wonder what that means or if it means anything at all in some other language? Good night again
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