How does a woman just shut up and trust?

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   lasonjacobb3posted 14 years ago

   My question is a simple one yet complicated at the same time.  I have been in a committed relationship now for a year and 4 months.  As in any relationship we have our share of ups and downs but these days the downs seem to overload the space of what should be good times.  Before meeting him I was alone and complety happy with that because I had no drama, lies, or bs to deal with.  However, he entered my heart and I have been giving it my all since, and it seems he all  has changed.  The love, the laughs, the jokes, the attention and affection date nights, or just going for drinks all use to be there with force but oneday I woke up and it all was gone, just like that. 
   
   We live now, at least in my eyes, as roomates very little communication, little to no sex, little to no attention or affection.  We do get away sometimes to go to car shows maybe twice a month, and we have fun we really seem to enojoy each others company.  But, why go so far from home to get what should be giving to you everday.  See, right now I feel as if I am living with him as the other woman.  Why you ask?, well like I said before Monday-Friday I get nothing from him, no how was your day, no touch, no fun play, pretty much nothing and if we are not at a car show on the weekends he goes to work.  He will come home and acknowledge our daughter with her sitting right there in my lap and won't say two words to me, this goes on every single day.  His phone, OMG!! stays attached to his hip always.  He never talks on the phone to anyone only text and once he has finished reading some of them I will see him delete them. He just comes home eats, plays with the baby and falls asleep on the sofa often times leaving me to wake him up to shower and get in the bed. (Why do I have to ask my man to come to bed everysingle night)? Anyway somedays he may come home smelling like sweat and somedays he has no odor.  Somedays if he feels like talking he does and like a good women I'm right there to listen, but when the favor needs to be returned I get no interest shown. 
   
   As the days seem to roll on I feel more and more as if he is giving his all to someone else and comes home to me just because I am simply here and this is where he lives too.  This is a hard pill to swallow because this is not the man that I feel in love with, this is not the man that peaked my interest.  There was never a day that I felt negelected or ingnored, but now I feel that all the fun that is to be had is done before he gets home.  Yes, he does come home, he comes home everyday and never late, never really goes out so for the most part he is always home. However, with the kind of job he has, he has more than chance to do what he wants, when he wants and for how long he wants.  See he and his buddy run an auto shop together and like I said has nothing but time on his hands somedays.  But, the best part for him is, I am currently not working and I have no car so really all I do is sit at home with our daughter while he is out doing whatever he chooses and I no nothing of it. 
   
   We have had numerous conversation in ragrds to my feelings and I'm always very straight forward with how I feel.  And like always I seem to get the following responses:  " Why do you worry about me with other women so much, I don't have time for anyone else, I have enoguh headache just dealing with you I don't need anymore", or " I really wish you would stop thinking I do what all my friends do, you are who I love and you are all I need, I just got a lot on my plate with running the shop and trying to provide for my family" or "It really hurts me that you won't trust me and all I do is go to work and come home."  Now, trust him I really want to but with his recent changes and distance how can one trust that.
   
   So, here's my question how does a woman shut up, and  trust all that her man has to say when  his actions are very far from his words and she has been quite for far to long.  How much time should he be allowed to have when her time is being compromised in the meantime.  How does a women just say ok, "I hear you baby I know you are stressed I know having to provide for your family is hard".  How does a women trust her man has been working allday and not out playn, giving his all to others and coming home with nothing left for her. How do you just trust that he is all that he use to be to you but just got lost on giving it.

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      katiem2posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Some people just aren't able to be in a long term relationship. they grow bored and dettached, sounds like you have one of them,  If I were you I'd move on after all it sounds like a dead end and very doubtful it will change,in fact get worse with you constantly trying to pull something from him thats not there.  If your not happy end it and be happy alone again for a while. 
      
      Just saying...

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         lasonjacobb3posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         yea he has told me that this is the longest relationship he has been in and it is taken him some getting use too.  but how long does that take

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   Cagsilposted 14 years ago

   It seems like you should have put this post into a hub, instead of completely wasting it on the forums.
   
   Btw- Welcome to HubPages!
   
   
   Edit: I didn't read it, it's too long.

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   Anathposted 14 years ago

   "So, here's my question how does a woman shut up, and  trust all that her man has to say when  his actions are very far from his words and she has been quite for far to long."
   
   My way would be to chain him to the bed and whipp him until he confesses It never fails!

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      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hey Anath, want to come here and see if you can get me to confess my sins or untruth I've been saying??? If that's how you see it.
      
      I'm sure you can try.

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         Anathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         My pleasure 

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            Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Like I said, I'm sure you can try. Cute! It almost looks like you, except for the blond hair.

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               Anathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               you are really winding me up... can't a girl change hair colour without being bothered?
               
               Here you are, closer to the real thing

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                  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  Almost, you're getting there.
                  
                  I could pick out some differences though, if you would like.
                  
                  
                  
                  
                  
                  
                  
                  
                  
                  
                  
                  
                  
                  
                  
                  
                  

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               blondepoetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               I am her partner in crime, that's me.

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                  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  I believe that Blonde, but she didn't say it was you.

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                     blondepoetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     Darn, I put my foot in it.
                     She said to keep it a surprise. I have blown it all now.

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   Anathposted 14 years ago

   cough cough!
   
   Come on, let's be serious here, we suppose to be helping lasonjacobb3.  Maybe I am not the best person for that ...  Does not being marriage material makes me unsuitable to give marriage counselling?

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      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I did help her. I told her she should have put it into a hub. So, hopefully, she is writing something similar to it, into a hub.
      
      As for giving advice about marriage, and not being married, I would hazard to say that those who are married would claim that it must be material that you be married to give such advice.

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         lasonjacobb3posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         yea thanks so much for the help i am new here soooo......really didn't know where to put it....but good looking out

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            Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Hey Lason,
            
            The link below is to another post I posted in another forum. The links that are in that post, will help you learn your way around HubPages.
            
            Please follow the link to that thread and look for my post in that thread....then read all the hubs in that post.
            
            You will see that I talk about Frogdropping and Darkside in the post.
            
            I hope that will give up forward momentum.
            
            http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/48806

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   blondepoetposted 14 years ago

   Oh dear read the whole post. All this after a short year of being together. Heck the whole romance, sizzle, novelty is supposed to still be going on, not dead yet.
   This is seriously not good.

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   Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

   Lason, I'd try to sneak a look at that phone. Cause it's way too early in the relationship to be taken for granted.  That he's texting a lot raises my red flags.

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      lasonjacobb3posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      looking at the cell phone does no good when all he does is earse the messages......and it is far to early to taken for granted especially when our daugther is only 6 months

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         Flightkeeperposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Can you take a look at the phone while he's taking a shower and see if there's a phone number that gets texted more often? I know he erases the message but there might be a separate call log that you can check.  Then call that phone number up and see what happens.

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   johnnie rposted 14 years ago

   As a guy, I must admit that I've always been faithful to my girlfriends. But I've been cheated on twice and now I am very hesitant to trust anyone. So I guess what I'm saying is that women sometimes aren't to be trusted either.
   
   That said, I would probably ditch the guy. Once trust is gone from a relationship, it's doomed to failure. I know that firsthand. I'd hate to see you get hurt any more than you already seem to be.

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      Flightkeeperposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, very true. Cheating is not an activity restricted to the male gender, women do it a lot too.

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      lasonjacobb3posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      hey i never said that women don't cheat he'll if you ask me they do it more and better than men..but that was not the point... i am not a cheater nor do i plan to start......the true question is how does anyone trust someone when they show u a different face from what comes out of it

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