Advice for Those Who are "Coming Out"

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   petertheknightposted 13 years ago

   I read this hub and it gave me an idea for another.  This particular hub was based on what I have read from other people who are gay and trying to come out.  They seem to blame their situations or just feel very embarrassed or scared (which is just natural I suppose.)  But I feel like what they need to hear more than sympathy is that they should view themselves differently and ask themselves why they even feel the need to "come out".  My basis is the simple fact that you don't need approval of other people to be the best person that you are.
   
   I also wanted to post the view that you have the right to privacy and your business is your business.  You should not feel guilty for keeping a secret or hiding begin gay, but at the same time you should not feel guilty about doing that...or that you are some lier or whatever.
   
   You have a right to be who you are and to share what you wish to share.  You don't have to explain yourself or think like other people!!
   
   And so... that is sort of the basis/foundation of this blog, which I hope to be enlightening and empowering.  I just wanted to get a few thoughts on the subject and what would make for interesting reading for those considering coming out and what advice you would have to offer.
   
   Of course, I am not professional, but I do feel that minorities in whatever form get kicked around and feel they don't have choices when in reality they do...and not only that but they have the power and ability to do whatever they want to do.
   
   Another great way I feel to end the hub is with a question and answer.  So, what questions or concerns do gay people have about coming out or how they view themselves?
   
   Thank you!  I have start the hub, but it is not published yet.

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      Julie Loganposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Maybe they feel the need to come out because they would like to take the person they love home to meet their families. Or they want to introduce them as their SO instead of just a friend.
      Why is that so hard to understand?

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         petertheknightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         That is a very good point, thank you!  Hopefully I can incorporate that into this special hub as well.

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      kimberlyslyricsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Regardless of details or right and wrong, I stuck in a special customized closet myself, very much appreciate your post and want to say thank you
      
      Kymberli
      
      
      

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   Rafiniposted 13 years ago

   Nobody needs the approval of other people to be the best person they can be.  Everyone has the right to be who they are and to share what they wish to share.  Nobody has to explain themselves or think like other people!!
   
   Gay or not, this is how I feel about TMI.
   
   Now, when it comes to an individual coming out to their family & friends in order to share an S/O - well...I don't have any advice other than to say, Be yourself and act as if it's perfectly natural.

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      petertheknightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah...exactly.  It's just I know that some people get really scared and it can make them a nervous wreck or cause them to do harm in some form to themselves.
      
      Thanks!

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   brimancandyposted 13 years ago

   When I came out to my family way back when, I was worried that my family would not want me around, especially my dad. I was very worried that he would be disappointed in me, or not speak to me.
   
   Well, I kind of told my mom and my sister first, and the only reason I said anything, is because my sister had a bad break up with a boyfriend, and she told me because I was a guy, I couldn't understand how she felt. Well, I was dumped by a guy around the same time too, so I told her I knew exactly how she felt. She almost fell off the couch! But, mom already knew.
   
   When it got around to telling my dad and my brothers, my dad was very cool about it. He said you are old enough to make up your own mind, I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. As long as you are happy that is all that matters. My brothers didn't care, but, they still think it's funny. (Not Funny!) We all get along very well, even though dad is no longer with us.
   
   But, the worst was coming out to friends. I just couldn't do it.
   But, half of the friends I had back when I came out have not been around for years. Mainly because we all relocated and lost track of each other, including my first boyfriend in high school. I never really got the chance to say how much I loved him. Coming out seems to be never ending process. But, it gets easier as life goes on.

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   JUANEONEILposted 13 years ago

   Coming out can be beautiful but it only depends on the persons situation. Sometimes the extra stress can be a little too much and at times it can be exactly what u can handle. Never come out for anyone esle but urself becuz at the end of the day it will be u who have to deal with the ending.  much luv:)

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   somelikeitscottposted 13 years ago

   As I have named myself the "Gaytriarch" of my family, allow me to offer my thoughts on this subject.
   
   I agree with your thoughts about everyone's business being their business. No one should ever be "outed" by someone else and indeed there are some people who never have the need to tell anyone (unless they're asked and believe me, whether it's by a straightee or another gay, you DO get asked especially when their Gaydar is on the fritz). But seriously, coming out is something that some people feel the need to do because they want to be seen for the complete person that they are and for those who may have lied or dated the opposite sex to throw everyone off the scent they may have a great sense of relief by just uttering the words, "I'm gay."
   
   Here's my advice to those considering coming out. Make a list of all the seconds, minutes, hours a day you spend either worrying someone is going to find out you're gay or covering your "gay" tracks. I think you'll be surprised how much time and energy you're giving to this. Now once you look at all that time, ask yourself, "What could I be doing with all this time that I'm wasting on worrying?" Could I maybe volunteer or work out more so I can obtain the perfect ass and abs? There's so much more you could be doing with that time and if hiding the fact you're gay is that big of an emotional as well as physical burden and you can get rid of it by just saying your gay, why wouldn't you?
   
   Ultimately this is a very personal decision but I think sometimes the idea of coming out or "staying in" as it were takes on a life of its own and honestly, it's such a waste of time in the end because those who truly love you will continue to love you and those who can't handle it, probably aren't the people you need in your corner anyway.

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   petertheknightposted 13 years ago

   Wow...great points.  People need to hear these messages.  Somelikeitscott, would you mind if I quote you in one of my hubs?  Actually, I would love to gather everyone's responses and put them into some of my material.
   
   So, I actually just finished another blog on the subject.  Some of my thoughts about how I feel, and so this interests me quite a bit.

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