Why is " COMING OUT " such a celebrated event?
From pro athletes to the person down the street, why is announcing, publicly, your sexual preference even necessary? If you are gay, why not just be gay and move on? Gay people want to be accepted in the work world, political world and any other world as just another person. So why draw attention to themselves with something as intimate and private as sexual preference? I've been an alcoholic for years and hid it well. After realizing it, admitting it and getting sober, I didn't walk down the street with a sign saying, " I used to drink, but now I don't." I like everyone. I just don't get it.
Everyone draws attention to their sexual preference.
Someone spends years hiding who they are. Sooner or later some need to scream out in a sense of relief that they can finally be themselves. Could you imagine having to lie about who you are since childhood?
On a side note, if they were treated equally and there weren't so many people screaming how they are damned then maybe they could just be themselves to begin with and would never have to come out.
I get that. But why not come out to the gay community rather than the straight community. I want the attention of the people that are like me. Not the ones that aren't. Why did Clay Aiken publicly declare being gay? Like we didn't know.
Because the gay community isn't who they've had to hide from. Celebraties do it in a way to show regular people who are gay that anyone can be themselves no matter what.
@IDONO Gay people come out to the people they are like and that is everyone. Gay people are part of the same society and community you are. It's the 21st century; we all know know that separate but equal is a trap and a dominance strategy.
Being gay and being an alcoholic are two very different things. That aside, "coming out" isn't actually something you do just once, unless you are a celebrity and suddenly everyone in the world knows your business. As a gay person, you pretty much have to come out to every person you meet, otherwise people generally assume you are straight. This can be problematic, for several reasons: for one, it is very annoying for people to assume you are straight when you are not. For another, people sometimes act odd, as though you have lied to them by not telling them up front that you are gay. Finally, letting people know your sexual preference sure does come in handy when trying to get a date--it also helps to avoid embarrassment on behalf of those who might be interested in asking you out because they just assume you are interested in their gender.
Next, I have never met any gay person who walks down the street with a sign that says "I'm gay." People generally do "come out" then go on with their lives (though as I mentioned "regular" people tend to have to do it over and over again as they meet new people, etc). If homosexuality were simply accepted as another way of being rather than being constantly discriminated against, coming out would not be such a big deal at all. So my advice? Blame our society for making a big deal out of being gay. Blame our society for not allowing homosexuals to have the same rights as heterosexuals. Hopefully one day we will have equal rights and these things won't be such a big deal, because for real, you're right. We shouldn't have to go around labeling ourselves by our sexual preferences. But who will stand up for our rights if we don't stand up and say, yes, we're gay, and we want the same rights as you?
They are not so different. I didn't choose to be an alcoholic anymore than you chose to be gay. But to this day, there are still many that look at an alcoholic as the guy under the bridge. Our admission will not change their perspective.
@IDONO Ah, but they are very different. The comparison doesn't even make sense. Would you compare being gay to having diabetes or cancer? Alcoholism is a disease; being gay is not.
I think honestly, it wouldn't be an issue if the gay community wasn't so widely and vehemently discriminated against. I am straight and I have never felt the need to shout it in the streets - but I have also never been marginalized as a citizen for being straight
I think the calling of attention to it at this point in history is because it is a civil rights movement at this time and they are making a point of saying - hey, we're not just some super insignificant minority, nor are we freaks etc. we are just like you. Look at us and see just how much like you we really are!
If we continue to evolve as decent human beings, I think the time will come when we accept the gay community and there will no longer be a need to be so vocal. For so long as they are discriminated against though - I think they will need to continue to be more vocal. It helps build support and I think a certain degree of it is healthy, particularly for gay teens who often feel pushed to suicide due to bullying etc.
I had a gay male friend in high school - many years ago and it was brutal for him. It wasn't until maybe 10 years ago he even felt safe to "come out" and even then it was difficult. I think the more public it is, the safer other gay people will feel being who they are.
As far as quitting drinking - you should be proud! That's a big accomplishment I see what you're saying, but I think in the case of the gay community, it is kind of a necessity until society changes.
but don't you feel that the gay community is being impatient and expecting complete acceptance right now? This issue goes back centuries, but our generation hasn't. This is a process and declarations will not speed that process.
No, I don't see it that way. I think their impatience is warranted. The fact it has been going on for centuries is all the more reason for the "enough is enough" attitude I think.
We should all be impatient for all marginalized subsets of humanity to be accepted. Women were treated like property and black people were legally property for hundreds of years. Society doesn't get a pass just because it's been going on a long time.
For most of us, it's not a celebrated thing. The reason that Jason Collins, Ellen, Clay Aiken, etc are "celebrated" is because they are role models for the young people who are struggling to accept themselves as gay. Particularly those people who are struggling and being bullied because of it. People like Jason, Ellen, Clay etc make it known because they are in a position to make a difference to those struggling.
We as gay people do not come out just the once. We have to consider when, how and if we should come out. Coming out has huge implications every time - the person/people we come out to may disown, judge, or even harm us just for the fact that we are gay. People have been murdered JUST for being gay.
None of us walk around with a sign around our necks shouting "I'm gay." Coming out is a carefully considered action EVERY time. We risk EVERYTHING by telling people.
BUT it does get frustrating when people assume that we are straight. Because every time this happens we have the choice of two uncomfortable options - to lie and go along with everything they say in the vein of an opposite gender partner. Or to correct them - which some people find offensive or uncomfortable. To be open and honest and say "I'm gay" at the beginning of a relationship - professional, with a colleague, friends rather than romantic partners - takes this all out of the equation - they know, we can all avoid awkwardness.
As a Registered Nurse, my colleagues know, my patients don't need to - it does not make any difference to my professionalism, or my work. BUT if I am asked - even by a pt - I am honest.
I applaud Jason, Ellen and the rest - they make the journey easier for the rest of us. I'm also of the opinion that hopefully in the future it won't be a thing - no one will care who you are attracted to.
Re: being sober - awesome! I know the struggle that that can be, so I applaud you. I am of the opinion that there is a difference, but I appreciate what you are trying to say - and I agree with you - it shouldn't be a big thing - but due to violent views of others - it isn't there yet.
First of all, never put homosexuality in the same class as alcoholics (this is not an addiction, social disease, or a lifestyle 'choice') We are born gay, we are NOT born alcoholics, or filled with hatred and intolerance, or anything else that "disorders" are considered to be.
We are born to be what we are meant to be. God makes no mistakes. When we have an entire subculture that is so hated because of the ignorance of religious delusionists it is hateful and hurtful and it is time for that to stop.
I spent most of my life hiding my birthright from a hateful public that ridiculed, mentally and physically abused people just because their ignorant religions told them to do so. In the days when i was growing up, 'coming out of the closet' or even suspected of being gay, was dealt with by termination from jobs, discrimination in housing, and every other establishment in this country, and worst of all putting ourselves in a position to be physically abused and/or killed - and this all being sanctioned by religion and government..
So, it is imperative that we all stand united against this hatred, bigotry and intolerance and demand equality under our own constitution.
It is time to reverse these roles and start standing together in discrimination against our oppressors - that being those religions that teach their sheep to hate instead of love.
Everyone has the right to stand tall and be proud of who we are born to be.
They preach their hatred and intolerance in the name of their gods, but what god stands for hatred and intolerance - they are the negatives in this equation and we have to let them know it.
I completely agree with you 100%. How gay people are treated is shameful and unless there is a lot of attention drawn to it, it won't change.
Apparently, you know nothing about alcoholism. And you call people oppressive, bigoted , hateful sheep with ignorant religions. Who is spewing hatred and negativity here? Speaking of bigoted! You are the minority of the minority. Most gays are nice.
1:the desc is exactly what religions teach. facts cant be challenged. 2:i worked with addicts 4 many yrs. It is not a disease.it is a symptom of a dependent personality. addictions can B overcome if the addictive personality is treated. get real
I am real. My beliefs are as real to me as yours are to you. If you chose to not allow others to have beliefs of their own, why should they respect yours? Because you said so? Who needs to get real here? Quit while you're ahead.
We live in a time when "coming out" is seen as being "courageous".
Many Gay and Lesbian people were and still are afraid to admit who they are for fear destroying their careers or being discriminated against.
When a high profile person such as Ellen DeGeneres or Anderson Cooper "comes out" it puts a (likeable) human face in the public's mind. It also may help some young teen who is considering suicide because they don't fit in with the majority of society.
Being a heterosexual there are so many things we take for granted without giving it a single thought. I can walk through a park with my wife holding hands or even give her a quick kiss and it would be no big deal. I set out wedding or vacation photos of us on my desk at work..etc A Gay or Lesbian couple is likely to draw stares and jeers or possible verbal/physical attacks for doing the same thing! Whatever someone's relgious beliefs are, one of the reasons why we have separation of church and state is to (legally) reduce discrimination.
Maybe one day Gay and Lesbian people won't feel like they have to hide who their partners or spouses are in the workplace or out in public. They'll be able to have their wedding or memorable vacation photos on their office desk like everyone else. In short anyone who is thought of as helping to "break down barriers" is celebrated. This is espeically true when it comes gaining "equal rights".
Because being LGBTQIAP+ is something so taboo that being "in the closet" isn't even seen as cowardly. It's because we as queer people face the systematic oppression of a queerphobic society that the bravery we express in coming out shows our comfort with ourselves.
We should be able to be out and proud, without "being ___ and moving on". It's heteronormative to assume that someone is straight unless stating otherwise, so we're breaking boundaries.
You wouldn't tell a rape victim that "yeah, you're a survivor, just accept it and move on", so why would you tell someone that about their sexuality?
-Sincerely, an out, loud and proud pansexual/panromantic.
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