Separated or Divorced

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   alenushkaposted 14 years ago

   Is that normal for men to be separated (with separation agreement), not to be divorced, saying that for them it doesn't matter, and they can be in another relationship with whole devoted heart..

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      BloggingPilarposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I've been "married" for 20 years, separated for 13 years. There is no love (other than a your my childrens father and my friend kind) there, it was gone when I walked out the door.  We have had a friendship for our children sake ever since. We decided that the only reason for a divorce is when one of us is about to re-marry. Better for insurance purposes.
      He has had a girlfriend ever since I left, I'm sure even before I left, and now she is throwing the divorce card at him. Well he doesn't WANT to marry her, so he is able to use the excuse...ooppps can't marry you since I'm still married. She recently called his bluff... get a divorce or I'm leaving. He said see ya and that was that. (I'm sure they will be back together again soon, since they've been on and off for years.)  Anyway, I don't see it mattering.... I think it's a power struggle. UNLESS this man wants to marry you, then yeah of course he should get a divorce, if you have no plans of marrying, then why? I'm engaged (or as of a few days ago I was anyway) and he has no problem with me still being "married" - Its already been discussed and he agrees there's no point unless we are about to walk down the isle.

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      1. 60

         alenushkaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         We're on different sides here. I cannot accept the fact that he is married and he even "hypothetically" can do "both" things, being married and living with me, saying that I am everything for him in this life. For his children (he has 2) he is still there, I am absolutely sure that his Ex mentioned it to them.. which is not making everything easier for us... But anyway... I stopped mentionning about his divorse and also about us being married, although before he was the first one who said "we can go to get married". I know only one thing... I cannot call myself "girlfriend"... I have never been in this position , with this "title"... maybe it is just a question of time...when I feel that I am done with being "girlfriend"..and in this case everything will go "right" way... husbands and wives and people who are not...
         Thank you anyway for your comment ...I appreciate any of bad or good words, sharing any experince about "separation or divorse" matter
         
         

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      speedbirdposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      There are also women who engage in extra-marital affairs while separated. Separation is no excuse for extra-marital affairs!

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   Rafiniposted 14 years ago

   Separations are for many different reasons but have something in common - they're still married!  Seeing another woman would still be considered cheating on their wives.

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      alenushkaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      and i don't understand, why two people being separated stil don't want (at least one of them) to initiate a divorce... neither him or her... you understand that i have real situation here...

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      1. 82

         Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         whatever the reason - if you are neither party, it's none of your business.  the two of them need to work out their own issues without interference.

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         1. 60

            alenushkaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            yep, none of my business, but he is living with me, and I don't feel comfortable tobe with married man and all his words that "i am done with that marrige, for me it is cut" - i just cannot get it.. why not to finalize divorce..

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            1. 82

               Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               because he's lying.  I wish you luck.

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               1. 60

                  alenushkaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  i guess you are right.. lack of money ...as he always called it

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                  1. 95

                     prairieprincessposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                     Alenushka,
                     
                     I just wrote you back on my hub. Am feeling for your situation. Take care.

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3. 38

   privateye2500posted 14 years ago

   Does Not mean is lying.
   
   Can be a number of reasons....why don't you make a Hub on this as you have not written any as of yet.
   
   Anyway - the 2 biggest reasons IMO are
   
   #1 - money - both are afraid of losing what they have.
   
   #2 - shame - do not feel like being dragged through court and air their *dirty laundry*
   
   I think those are the two main reasons...of course unless..the obvious  - they still  love  one another.

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   1. 60

      TracyClarkposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, you are right in what you say, it doesn't mean they are lying! I have been with my partner now for 18yrs, we have an 8yr old son together and built a life together, but..... he still hasn't done that final piece of this jigsaw and filed for a divorce!! The ex still lives in there original house with their daughters 22yr old and 25yr old. We always talk about getting married even our little boy wants to be paige boy, but I think it's all down to the selling of that house they live in, even though he has said the sale of the property would be all hers to do whatever she wants with.
      So yes I am very frustrated as to me it seems quite straight forward.....close that door and lets move on as they say!!! But it does almost feel as  though I'm plodding along because it's now become habit and all of us are just taking it for granted it's going to carry on like this for ever! So, that's why now I have found many sites that make it easier and less stressfull for men who cannot be stressed with divorce proceedures, especially if it's only the final decree to sign!!

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4. 0

   zampanoposted 14 years ago

   In some countries, taxes matter a lot.
   Married people fill out one common form and have a right to tax reductions.
   After they've divorced, each one will fill his own form and be taxed like a single person.
   This effect is even heavier if (eventually) their children have attained majority.
   Anyway, even a married person can "devote his heart" to whatever or whoever. Noting to do with family status.
   And they'll divorce just before marrying again.

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   AngelTraderposted 14 years ago

   In New Zealand we have to have at least two years of separation before divorce proceedings can begin.
   
   And it is a no blame scenario here. So have your cake and eat it! My 'separated' wife certainly has!

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6. 61

   twilanelsonposted 14 years ago

   Separated or Divorced !  There are some good hearted men/women who are loving, caring, compassionate, good providers for many years without marrying the person they are in love with.  While enjoying the life of marriage they are separated not divorced from a previous relationship.  It is an emotional situation for everyone involved, including children.  The situation is even worse if this information is not disclosed before beginning a new family.  As time passes, we believe that it will not matter any longer.  But, at times, for many of us the pain snowballs until we feel like we are going to die.  We become stuck trying to protect a family that we seem not to be a part of.

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7. 60

   mike6181posted 14 years ago

   Just did a hub regarding issues of seperation and divorce.  There is no difference Biblically according to the book I review there.  I'd suggest that seperation, except for a SHORT agreed upon time, IS divorce.

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8. 60

   DSCR626posted 14 years ago

   Comments to Alenushka:
   
   
   Hubs: 0
   Followers: 1Posted 2 months ago
   and i don't understand, why two people being separated stil don't want (at least one of them) to initiate a divorce... neither him or her... you understand that i have real situation here...
   
   Reply to your comments is that I have been married twice and now at my 60's I can look back and see why a male would say he isn't ready for a divorce.........usually he doesn't want to have to pay for the problem.
   
   To me a "separation"is when a person is undecided whether he/she is ready to give up on the relationship.
   
   "divorce" is where both of them knows it is over and there is no other recourse except to let go and move on!

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