Vindictive behavior during divorce

Jump to Last Post 1-9 of 9 discussions (14 posts)
  1. lambservant profile image91
    lambservantposted 6 years ago

    Why is it that when couples break-up or divorce, suddenly they are mean, vindictive, and retaliatory towards each other.
    They once loved each other passionately and never would have imagined they would behave like that.

    1. sonfollowers profile image80
      sonfollowersposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I think that by the time you get there someone feels betrayed, abused, neglected...  Then you go from that into discussions about division of property, child visitation, alimony, child support, etc.  If there is any trust and good will left before papers are filed, it sems likely that this process will kill it.  That's my opinion.  "Whoever I loved before was a mirage, I now understand who you really are", etc.  And in some cases it's true.  In others, people just changed or lost their way.

      I know mariage can be a beautiful thing long term because I've watched my parents and two sets of grandparents do it successfully.  I also think anyone can do it.  But in order to pull it off successfully, both person must be more committed to the needs and desires of the other person than they are to their own.  That's the model that I've seen work and it's the model I try to emulate now that I'm married for the second time.

    2. flacoinohio profile image82
      flacoinohioposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I think the biggest issue is that no one wants to accept responsibility for their own actions or inactions.  Add that to people feeling guilty for making the decision to end a relationship and what ever left over unresolved issues are still lingering, you get a nasty messy divorce that does nothing for anyone but make them bitter and vengeful.  "You hurt me, now I'll hurt you", seems to be the norm for couples who terminate a marriage that they probably should not have had in the first place.

  2. Millionaire Tips profile image92
    Millionaire Tipsposted 6 years ago

    If they got along, they wouldn't need to get a divorce or breakup.  I think in some respects, it makes people feel better to hurt the other person, maybe in retaliation of the pain they feel they have suffered. 

    It just causes more pain and suffering of course, and not a recommended course of action.

  3. profile image0
    idratherbeposted 6 years ago

    I can understand not liking each other, but it's pure wrong in some cases to condemn the other partner to the children. Just because the parents couldn't get along, doesn't give either party the right to undermine the child's relationship with the other parent.

  4. Globetrekkermel profile image74
    Globetrekkermelposted 5 years ago

    I've never been divorced and have been married to the same man for 28 years and I doubt if I will ever get divorced but in the event thathat will happen, I doubt if vengeance or vindictiveness will come into play. I know i will not be and i know my husband will not be either.

  5. wyanjen profile image82
    wyanjenposted 5 years ago

    Interesting question.

    Maybe the love stops but the passion goes on....


    When I got divorced (after 14 years) we were good friends but the passion was gone. The process was a snap - I didnt even hire a lawyer. We just split everything up and went our separate ways.

    1. Mighty Mom profile image83
      Mighty Momposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I think you nailed it. The love stops but the passion goes on -- but in a twisted form.
      Positive intimacy turns to negative intimacy.
      Usually on the part of one spouse who is unwilling to let go.
      Sad.

      1. wyanjen profile image82
        wyanjenposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        Sad and brutal.
        A broken heart makes you so vulnerable.... divorce is ugly.

        Good to see you MM its been awhile smile

        take care
        see you around

  6. Yadiz Ortiz profile image59
    Yadiz Ortizposted 5 years ago

    I think that the reason behind the divorce dictates the type of behavior that one will have during the break-up or separation of belongings. Many have been know to just grow out of love and in agreement with each other that it is the right thing to do and accept it for what it is. However, when there is a specific reason for the divorce such as infidelity, many negative feelings arise and thus take over both parties. One party, as the one that is hurt, may become vindictive in many ways due to the amount of pain they may feel and the other party may just respond to the vindictiveness as a reflex. Either way, divorce is not something to be taken lightly. It is very difficult and many people get hurt in the process, especially the kids.

  7. kathleenkat profile image78
    kathleenkatposted 5 years ago

    Divorce is typically over dividing issues that are so deep they cannot be resolved.

    Deep-seeded issues sit very close to the heart, and one gets hurt easily. One would also get hurt over the knowledge of a failed marriage. They view their divorcing spouse as a loss; that person they knew is no longer there, and gone forever (in this case, changed forever). As humans, we are vulnurable when saddened, and put on the defense. We get mean.

    Oftentimes, children, which are loved unconditionally and equally by both parties, are involved. The prospect of someone taking your child away, especially that person who is no longer the person you fell in love with, can create some heavy emotions.

    My parents divorced when I was six. I then watched my father go through an additional divorce. I am of the age now where my peers have gotten divorces. The anger all boils down to pain seeping through the cracks and poisoning the situation. Many divorced couples, even those with children, cannot be caught being in the same room with eachother. They simply cannot coexist. Some even have restraining orders.

    Divorce very easily turns into a "family war."

  8. Pearldiver profile image80
    Pearldiverposted 5 years ago

    The Divorce Process is the most perfect stage on which to perform the most painful practical jokes!

    I was lucky.... I got my lawn mower sent back to me as a divorce anniversary pressie....
    I was so happy and immediately fell back into love again  smile
    It had taken a whole year to finally get the right tool to cut all my grass...
    I was so happy... I just drove non stop for over 500 miles.. just to say thanks!
    Until my ex had sent back my lawnmower...
    it had been impossible to even get my car out of the driveway...
    She had sown a really aggressive grass seed all through the back seat and carpet in my car!  sad
    It was the best butt kicking I have ever had in my life!  lol
    I'm so lucky that she hadn't planted Bamboo in my vehicle smile

  9. wilderness profile image99
    wildernessposted 5 years ago

    Mostly because one or both are not adult enough to act in a rational manner.  Rather they allow their hate, greed, unhappiness, etc. to control them; to run their lives and actions for them.

    To act in a surge of anger is one thing; to do it day in and day out for months or years is quite another and is the mark of a small child, not a grown adult in control of themselves.

    1. Pearldiver profile image80
      Pearldiverposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah it's always sad to those 30 year old 'small children' going on shooting sprees throughout US history!  roll

      I think you've actually summed up the performance of a lot politicians in your statement   smile

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)