Forgiveness,Who deserves it and who doesn't?

1. 42

   Str8up Hookupsposted 14 years ago

   We are suppose to forgive to move on,but sometimes you're just not feeling it.
   
   What are some actions that you could never forgive a so-called friend for?
   

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2. 59

   tonzofkidsposted 14 years ago

   You don't forgive for the other person you forgive for you.  Holding bitter resentments causes you pain.  Most of the time the person you spend a great deal of time thinking about because of the hurt they've caused you doesn't think about you at all.  Who is suffering?  You release them of all guilt even though they don't deserve it because waiting for an apology or a lightning strike in their neighborhood could occupy your thoughts for a very long time while they are off living their lives never thinking twice about your hurt.  You don't have to feel it, you just do it over and over until you can go first one day then more and more without feeling that hurt.  And just because you have forgiven someone for being ...???...you don't have to put yourself out there again to get hurt.  Maybe you can never trust that person with what they had before or maybe it will take time to see if they are truly sincere.  Actions I could never forgive for? Trashing you behind your back.  They aren't a friend if they do that, just walk away.

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   1. 42

      Str8up Hookupsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I definitely understand all that you are saying. I learned long ago that  somethings you just let go and go on.
      This is an infidelity issue,where a so-called bestfriend went after another friends mate.
      It's gotten ugly with words and even fist being thrown,I just want out of it,but their all friends of mine.
      Both parties keep calling me to be on their side,telling me the other is trash talking me but I'm not into all that.
      Sad to say I have distanced myself from both parties,I don't do drama.
      I do just walk away!

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3. 57

   abbykorinneleeposted 14 years ago

   Forgiveness is hard for people and its not for me.  I am able to truly forgive everyone.  Its caused me to be hurt and all but I have always been that way.  I am not very religious but I do have faith and am spiritual and the last year have developed my own relationship with God and there are two things he teachs us and its forgiveness and unconditional love.  I truly have both and wish sometimes I didn't; but in the end they are going to answer for everything they have done just as we will.  Its not for me to judge or begrudge another.  Plus in this situation its two seperate people; you didn't do it and you didn't have it done to you so if you can't be a neutral party and be there for them both and not judge another's actions you did just the right thing and walked away. 
   I think I would have trust issues though as you don't want your friend to do it to you as she did to this other girl.  But also I have done things that bad and I made a mistake and I never did it again and would want to be forgiven and to be given annother chance.  So I think you should forive them but you don't have to forget or trust them.  You are riht to not help drama swell up and sometimes its hard to stay a neutral friend.
   I tend to side with someone but last time I knew I was going to I told the female friend Look, I don't understand and I just don't think like you and I am not able to stay a neutral party and be that good a friend to you.  I don't want you to expect that from me because I believe him and I have a better and more trustful friendship and even if I did stay neutral I won't ever side against him.  I think you should talk to someone that can understand your side and be there for you in a way I just can't.  Honesty is always best.
   Hopefully they can just go opposite ways and your life stays at peace.  Forgiveness is a cleansing for us.  That is true.  If you don't forgive it festers and it builds up and people explode.  They do awful things because of what they let sit there and didn't let go.  I believe in Karma...I don't have to see it to know its comeing for them.  Forgive, don't forget, and just walk away knowing you at least have a clear concious and can look at yourself at night in the mirror.  I am sorry that this happened to your friends.  I wish people wouldn't hurt others and talk about others and just live their life and ignore the other but for some reason that isn't how things work.

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4. 72

   KCC Big Countryposted 14 years ago

   Everyone deserves forgiveness, but it doesn't mean you have to continue a relationship.  Sometimes forgiveness includes walking away.  Forgiveness is also not the same as condoning someone's actions or inactions.

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5. 80

   LondonGirlposted 14 years ago

   resenting someone is like drinking poison and waiting for someone else to die.
   
   Forgiveness is important. And, exactly as KCC says, it doesn't mean continuing with the previous state of affairs.

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