Need Advice on long time best friend/ boyfriend

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  1. profile image49
    ashlei08posted 13 years ago

    So, I really need some advice. I know my ex for 9 years we have been best friends for that long. However, we decided to start dating and our relationship lasted for about a year or 2 and we were very much in love. However, we broke up because I was being naive and didn't show him how much I appreciated and cared about him. However, we broke up but we are still friends. However, he is with a new girl now. I really want to be back with him... I realized what I did wrong and that he really ws the guy that I wanted to married. While we were together we started talking about marriage and everything. I realizied that I didn't want to be with no one but him. We talked about us. He told me that he still loves me, however he wants to see whats going to happen in his relationship. He does really like and care about his relationship/ girlfriend. He told me if they break up he was like to give us another chance to work out. Oh yea his gf dosen't like our friendship so we dosen't talk that much because his  gf dosen't want us to talk. So what do yall think I should do? Should I still be his friend and hope that something work out between us? Do yall think he is just trying to keep me there? Hope yall can help me!

    1. Settitoff profile image59
      Settitoffposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You should love yourself more than you love him. Don't put your life on hold for anyone. Tomorrow is not promised. Whatever you feel for him, write it in a journal just to express yourself and free your mind, but open yourself to new experiences and new people. You may find something even more wonderful than you ever imagined. It happens. I am a witness. Hold on to the beautiful memories you may have but let it (the hope of relationship) go and wait in great anticipation for something spectacular.

    2. tvpuram profile image60
      tvpuramposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Male and female are attracted towards each other for unique reasons.  If you still long to have him, try to understand what is the quality in him attracting you towards him. Love is to be expressed then only it will materialize.

    3. perfectperception profile image60
      perfectperceptionposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You may be putting yourself on a waiting list.  He's already moved on and changed the way he treats you.  Maybe you should evaluate a little more and be more realistic when you do.  The one thing I must stress is "love for self"!  Do not send yourself on a world wind for this guy who has already moved on.  You'll be more depressed than you need to be over someone who is not stressing about you.  Keep it moving and give yourself time to get to know you.  Knowing who you are, what you want and what make you happy, will help you tremendously in your next relationship.  You may even find that this one wasn't the one really!!

    4. RealTalkInTx profile image61
      RealTalkInTxposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It’s Not Over Till God Says Its Over….

      •    Have you ever wondered how you could love someone so much to the point that you know you should leave them, you know you should walk away but your heart just want let you? Many times you even pray and seek advise from other’s yet you still don’t follow through you still can’t seem to let go, you may have even walked away from the relationship but some how you found your way back cause that person still held your heart.
      •     But one thing I do know like R Kelly said when a women feed up it isn’t nothing you can do about it but I say when God releases you from a relationship or citation then and only then it’s over. I sit now and wonder how the love that I had for this person turned into hate. How my heart that was once so opened to him is now closed how the things he use to do that would hurt me and make me cry sad and depressed  know seem to role off like water.
      •     Have you ever felt that the person you were with was your soul mate it seemed they were your ever desire in every way but let me tell you if it’s not a godly relationship it will never work for one because if God has plans for your life then first he will never give you a mate that will draw you from him. He will never give you a mate that drains the life joy and peace from you.
      •     Many times our flesh chooses for us in my case my flesh my heart and soul choose the wrong one. I endured emotional abuse psychical abuse him cheating I forgave him and I prayed daily for him it’s not in my nature to not forgive because how can you expect the forgiveness of God if you can not forgive.
      •    But God never asked us to endure the things that he has not predestined for us and like me that’s were a lot of us get it twisted how can his word tell us that we are to be happy joyful full of life and peace yet we allow our self to sit in citations that or the total opposite.
      •    I often asked God why did I allow him to come back into my life knowing in my heart that he had not changed but God answered and said because until you over come him you would always go back as long as he held my heart he would always have a place there many times we move on from relationships or citations but we never over come them they still linger with us they still are apart of us.
      •    And I am glad to say that with the help of God am in a place of peace about him I’m at a point that when he walks away this time I have over come because how can God bless you with what he has for you if your still holding on to something that’s not for you. Let go and let God bless you with what you want

    5. profile image0
      Ms. Understoodposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      If he is trying to see what will happen with his current relationship, then you should move on because he is not really sure about your relationship together.  You shouldn't put your life on hold.  Who knows...maybe you will meet someone that there will be no question of whether or not you should be together.

    6. RSBrauer profile image53
      RSBrauerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      What does your intuition say? I've come to the conclusion that trusting your gut, and not your irrational emotional ups and downs will give you the answer you are looking for.

  2. Internetwriter62 profile image77
    Internetwriter62posted 13 years ago

    I'm a realist and if he was still in love with you, he would have left this other lady he is dating. He obviously wants to keep you on standby, should his present lady friend fail him. I know you want to rebuild what was lost, but it seems that he has moved on and I think you should consider moving on also. You deserve to find someone who is willing to put you first and not be testing other relationships before going back with you. I know you have invested in this relationship, but to just be there to be on standby isn't really a great return for your investment. I hope this helps.

    1. schoolgirlforreal profile image76
      schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      agreed, if he really loved you, the moment you said you wanted him back he would have.
      He's being dishonest.

  3. SomewayOuttaHere profile image60
    SomewayOuttaHereposted 13 years ago

    ...time to move on....don't wait...for what?  while he is with someone deserve better....sounds like a 'want my cake and eat it too' kinda situation....move forward and don't look back....

  4. Autumn Miller profile image61
    Autumn Millerposted 13 years ago

    It can be really difficult to know the person you want to be with is with someone else, especially when they tell you that they still have feelings for you.  Give yourself some space. Instead of wondering "will be or won't he" refocus your attention on yourself.

    So dial it down a bit and leave your ex and his new girlfriend time to explore their relationship. It may be painful but making yourself scarce may get him thinking more about what he is missing. Plus it will give you some time to grow solo.

    Best of luck

  5. blondepoet profile image68
    blondepoetposted 13 years ago

    ....Wait for some guy who is with another woman?.........a guy who is in someone elses arms but yours?.....a guy who has chosen this other girl over you?..........hell no!!!!!!!!
    If he was yours he would be with you right now.......
    Nope he is not the deserve a man of your own.

  6. scarlton profile image73
    scarltonposted 13 years ago

    ashlei08, may I ask your age?

  7. Joe Badtoe profile image60
    Joe Badtoeposted 13 years ago

    a talking dog?

    this site has everything!

  8. russkayadusha profile image57
    russkayadushaposted 13 years ago

    I have to agree with the post earlier that if he truly loves you he would leave the other girl to be with you. Why would you want to be a second choice? He is in a perfect place right now he has two girls that want him. I think that you should start dating first of all just to get your mind of him, second it will give you a chance to meet new people and third if he does really love you as he said he will not be able to stand it seeing you having a great time with other guys.
    It really looks to me that he is trying to have it all when it comes to love you don't let it sit on the sidewalk waiting for you, you grab it. Even if you wronged him as I understand you've already apologized to him for being foolish I don't think you should continue to punish yourself. Best thing to do is move on if it is meant to be it will happen. Don't chaise him however that will only make him take you for granted.

  9. gfarmer profile image71
    gfarmerposted 13 years ago

    Don't ever become 'an option' for a guy. You should be his reason, and not his excuse. There's no point in waiting for someone who is not willing to be your all in all. Just my thoughts... Good luck!

  10. Neverletitgo profile image62
    Neverletitgoposted 13 years ago

    Hi ashle, I would say to you don't waste your time for waiting that. He is not honest guy, leave him alone and do whatever you can do for your from now on. I think you are honest person since you accepted you mistakes so I wish you good relationship in the future. Go girl don ever be reserve for that guy.

  11. profile image0
    L a d y f a c eposted 13 years ago

    There's not much I can say that hasn't already been said by the obviously awesome people before me here. That being said, just don't forget that there are others out there. Others who are better, too. He's not the best man on the planet, and if he thinks so little of you that he has you hanging in limbo, your feelings suspended, your mind taken over, just to be his selfish safety net, then he's definitely not the best man you can have.

    Don't waste your time, and the only life you get, waiting for a loser when your fun, awesome self could be dating someone equally fun and awesome, and also considerate toward your feelings, not just when it benefits him.

    Despite what you think the reason you broke up with him is, it might be that deep down you realized this wasn't it. The fact that he has some other girl hanging off his arm now instead of you makes him seem more enticing, but it's not him that you're attracted to. Do go there.

    Instead, go somewhere else, forget him, and remember yourself. It's all about you, and putting people in your life who actually deserve the privilege of being there.


  12. rebekahELLE profile image85
    rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

    there's no reason to hang on to what might be. he's with another girl and even says if it doesn't work out, he'll come back to you. that should tell you right there what to do.  it sounds like you need to meet some new friends.

    just because someone says he loves you doesn't mean the relationship is meant to be. it takes commitment and seeing a future together to make love worth pursuing.

    keep moving forward.

  13. Mighty Mom profile image75
    Mighty Momposted 13 years ago

    You know the old saying,"If you love somebody set them free.If they come back it was meant to be...."
    Set him free to explore who he wants to really be.
    Let him experience his life and his relationship with this other girl.
    And set yourself free, too.
    Don't sit around waiting for the day it "doesn't work out" with this new girl. Reclaim YOUR power in the relationship. That means redefining the terms -- which means walking away.

    BTW, you have no business being friends with this guy and I suspect you know that. He's got one foot in each camp (or bed, as the case may be). For him to truly test whether things are going to work out -- or not -- with her, he can't be having you around as his consolation prize or distraction.

  14. profile image48
    ssohrraposted 13 years ago

    I wud definitely go by blondepoet,he is right and if i wud hav been in relationship with someone for such long period and if it breaks then i wud never trust the second.To hell with such relation better be alone

  15. Moonchild60 profile image76
    Moonchild60posted 13 years ago

    I agree with many of these posts.  There is nothing more to say.  Had he ever truly been in love with you he would have left this recent g/f already.  There would have been no question.  On the other hand, he is unsure of you as well...Give it time and space and live your life.  If you two are supposed to be together, you will be.

  16. profile image52
    vero10posted 13 years ago

    I agree, you should haven't to wait for a man, to decide what he wants.  You deserve better than that.  My advice is to hit the online dating scence and go on a few dates.  If you're feeling your confidence is a little low, try a pheromone perfume to give you that added confidence boost, I'd recommend Exotique.  You can read the reviews at

  17. Phenomenal woman profile image61
    Phenomenal womanposted 13 years ago

    In my opinion,you should continue to live your life.If you two were meant to be together,god will bring you back together in his own way.You can't force love.It seems like this guy wants a serious commitment,you weren't serious enough at the time.So,he did what he had to do.You have to do the same.You also have to understand how that woman must feel as well,I'm sure she knows your his ex,you can't expect her to be comfortable with you around.It's not fair to her,you had your chance,now it's hers.If you really love him,you will give him respect and leave him be,let him have a chance at love,don't be selfish.And most importantly,don't be selfish to yourself,give yourself a chance at love.Don't wait around,live your life and trust me,you'll be glad you did,when you find the man of your dreams.You deserve that too.You can't love someone else untill you first learn to love yourself.

  18. Lisa HW profile image62
    Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

    It looks to me like there's an awful lot of "howevers" in that story (and I don't mean from a grammatical point-of-view; I mean within the situation).  A healthy relationship, or the prospects for a healthy one, to me, don't have all those "howevers". Those "howevers" just strike me as alarm bells that ought to be heeded.   hmm  (I think, at most, one "however" is all there should ever be.  No "howevers" is even better.  smile  )

  19. RomanceReality profile image39
    RomanceRealityposted 13 years ago

    After we breakup with someone, we tend to romanticize our relationship with that person instead of taking an honest look at what the factor or factors that caused the break up in the first place.

    The bigger question I would ask in this case is why after 9 years, you feel he is the only one for you? Until you leave the past in the past, you are not allowing yourself to find another one.

    1. Phenomenal woman profile image61
      Phenomenal womanposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I like this reply and I agree @ RomanceReality

  20. theseus profile image72
    theseusposted 13 years ago

    There is a great difference between letting go and giving up. The former is forgoing what is rightfully yours. The latter is forgoing what is and can never be yours. The fact that he is with another girl not you means something. What you had with the guy is all in the past now. It's good that you are still friends, but leave it at that. After all, if you are really meant for each other, you'll end up together in the end. Move on with your life and find happiness with someone/something else.


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