Pain from the past

1. 48

   keepitrightposted 13 years ago

   I can’t forget the past. She cheated on me. Cheated on me during the time when we tried to make our long-distance relationship works. We broke up for a year and now she’s in town and we are together again. I know she loves me and she regreted the day she cheated on me. I know! I can feel that. I am happy whenever I am with her, I'l be lost if I lost her, but why I am still hurt of what she did. Why I can’t forget the past, why I keep on searching of pictures of her and the person she had an affair with. Why? I want to stop this doing and try not to dwell about the past, please help.

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      speedbirdposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Let the past belong to the past, there is nothing you can do about it. Forgive and forget, focus on how the two of you can live happily ever after

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2. 70

   Cagsilposted 13 years ago

   It seems like you haven't learned "acceptance".
   
   Accept that it happened.
   Accept the fact that you cannot change it, no matter what you do.
   Accept that it is in the past and not present day.
   Accept the pain it caused.
   Accept her for being only human, considering it was a long-distance relationship, and people do have sexual needs that do need to be met, regardless.
   Accept her being in your life and cherish the time you have now.
   
   Then you shouldn't ever forget the incident, but the pain will go away and you'll realize that she is more important than she ever was before.
   
   Hope that helps some. But, you are the one who still has to do the above. Good luck with it.

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   1. 48

      keepitrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I really appreciate the reply, Cagsil.
      
      I must accept that I cannot change the past, no matter what I do., I have NOW and I will make it work. Maybe, a part of me still afraid. Afraid to get hurt.

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         Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Focus on being positive. The negativity will only do more damage than good.

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3. 72

   theseusposted 13 years ago

   Question, do you love her?I mean really,really love her?If you do here is what I have to say : "Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive."It's normal to recall the past but it's all in the past now. You have to let go of it otherwise it will destroy whatever present or future you have with the woman..Pray-an earnest prayer can do wonders...
   
   just a thought..

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   1. 48

      keepitrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, I love her, but I believe it is normal to mankind to think of revenge.
      Revenge to see what would be her reaction, see what will she feel and what she will do to save “US”.
      I know it is bad, and it bring no good. Just a feeling. Just a thought.
      
      Thank you for the reply.

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      1. 72

         theseusposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         The best revenge that you can inflict upon her is to let her see that you turned out to be a better person despite the pain that she caused you..

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4. 89

   RedElfposted 13 years ago

   Of course, part of you is afraid. Your trust in her has been damaged. If you want a relationship with her, you will have to get past that. You don't need to forget, but you do need to let go of it, and move on - as much for yourself as for your relationship with her.

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   1. 48

      keepitrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for the advise. It is getting clearer now.. thank you.

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5. 71

   getitriteposted 13 years ago

   You are obssessing. So whenever you feel yourself obssessing over the affair, take control of your mind.  It's not easy, but if you master it, you will get some peace from the misery.

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      keepitrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      why do you say so I am obsessed?

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         getitriteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Because you can't let go.  That's what an obssession is!

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6. 0

   ryankettposted 13 years ago

   The key is to forgive but not forget. Without forgiveness you can't have the relationship, but the natural damage to your trust will take a long time to heal and will never truly heal; you could not forget if you tried. Time is a healer to trust, but only if you learn to forgive first.

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7. 41

   dianne143posted 13 years ago

   Move on and love your self.

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