Pain from the past

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  1. profile image46
    keepitrightposted 7 years ago

    I can’t forget the past. She cheated on me. Cheated on me during the time when we tried to make our long-distance relationship works. We broke up for a year and now she’s in town and we are together again. I know she loves me and she regreted the day she cheated on me. I know! I can feel that. I am happy whenever I am with her, I'l be lost if I lost her, but why I am still hurt of what she did. Why I can’t forget the past, why I keep on searching of pictures of her and the person she had an affair with. Why? I want to stop this doing and try not to dwell about the past, please help. sad

    1. speedbird profile image75
      speedbirdposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Let the past belong to the past, there is nothing you can do about it. Forgive and forget, focus on how the two of you can live happily ever after smile

  2. Cagsil profile image81
    Cagsilposted 7 years ago

    It seems like you haven't learned "acceptance".

    Accept that it happened.
    Accept the fact that you cannot change it, no matter what you do.
    Accept that it is in the past and not present day.
    Accept the pain it caused.
    Accept her for being only human, considering it was a long-distance relationship, and people do have sexual needs that do need to be met, regardless.
    Accept her being in your life and cherish the time you have now.

    Then you shouldn't ever forget the incident, but the pain will go away and you'll realize that she is more important than she ever was before.

    Hope that helps some. But, you are the one who still has to do the above. Good luck with it. smile

    1. profile image46
      keepitrightposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I really appreciate the reply, Cagsil.

      I must accept that I cannot change the past, no matter what I do., I have NOW and I will make it work. Maybe, a part of me still afraid. Afraid to get hurt.

      1. Cagsil profile image81
        Cagsilposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Focus on being positive. The negativity will only do more damage than good.

  3. theseus profile image79
    theseusposted 7 years ago

    Question, do you love her?I mean really,really love her?If you do here is what I have to say : "Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive."It's normal to recall the past but it's all in the past now. You have to let go of it otherwise it will destroy whatever present or future you have with the woman..Pray-an earnest prayer can do wonders...

    just a thought..smile

    1. profile image46
      keepitrightposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, I love her, but I believe it is normal to mankind to think of revenge.
      Revenge to see what would be her reaction, see what will she feel and what she will do to save “US”.
      I know it is bad, and it bring no good. Just a feeling. Just a thought.

      Thank you for the reply.

      1. theseus profile image79
        theseusposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        The best revenge that you can inflict upon her is to let her see that you turned out to be a better person despite the pain that she caused you..

  4. RedElf profile image90
    RedElfposted 7 years ago

    Of course, part of you is afraid. Your trust in her has been damaged. If you want a relationship with her, you will have to get past that. You don't need to forget, but you do need to let go of it, and move on - as much for yourself as for your relationship with her.

    1. profile image46
      keepitrightposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for the advise. It is getting clearer now.. thank you.

  5. getitrite profile image77
    getitriteposted 7 years ago

    You are obssessing. So whenever you feel yourself obssessing over the affair, take control of your mind.  It's not easy, but if you master it, you will get some peace from the misery.

    1. profile image46
      keepitrightposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      why do you say so I am obsessed?

      1. getitrite profile image77
        getitriteposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Because you can't let go.  That's what an obssession is!

  6. profile image0
    ryankettposted 7 years ago

    The key is to forgive but not forget. Without forgiveness you can't have the relationship, but the natural damage to your trust will take a long time to heal and will never truly heal; you could not forget if you tried. Time is a healer to trust, but only if you learn to forgive first.

  7. dianne143 profile image37
    dianne143posted 7 years ago

    Move on and love your self.

 
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