How did you get over your First Love?

1. 76

   schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years ago

   Maybe I'm a late bloomer but my first real love ended 8 mo ago, or at least I guess for him it did, even though I broke it off, I still feel alot of feelings and thoughts run thru my head and dreams.
   
   How did you move on.....especially if  you were an adult and what did you do?

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   1. 57

      Fullerman5000posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      A late night of drinking with my boys and words of wisdom from good, close friends. its a tough battle, but you will become stronger and realize that you at least got to love.

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      1. 76

         schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         "you at least got to love" sounds nice. I am sure I will get past it eventually. hopefully soon. I think it helps sometimes to meet someone new but not necessarily for two reasons: one- it may only hurt worse and two: I want the same kind of love which takes lots of time to find.....

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   2. 0

      lostwithinmyselfposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Im still not over my ex but they say time is a healer. They too have moved on but i still hold on and can not let go. So if you do manage to get over your ex please pop by and tell me how you done it lol as this pain is still so real!! Thinking of you!! x

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      1. 76

         schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Hi don't know why this thread didn't show up on my "latest" whatever. Anyways,
         10 mo ago. Finally yesterday he said 'please stop calling me, I don't feel well and I need my minutes for doctors and 911'
         
         I said ok.
         
         
         whether this is another way to get rid of me, I decided enough is enough.
         
         so I deleted his #.
         
         I still have the address in case I want to write letters, but if I do, I prob wouldn't send them anyways.
         
         I think it's a PROCESS. One day at a time, One bold step at a time.

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   3. 79

      Barbara Kayposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Your first love is always special, but once you find the right guy it will pass. Losing someone you love takes time to get over. Don't worry, you will eventually. Just give it more time.
      
      By the way, sometimes years later you wonder why you loved him in the first place.

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      1. 76

         schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         good point

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   4. 76

      AEvansposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Ummmm..... sometimes you never do. Do you believe in Serendipity?

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         schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         not sure what you mean by that. Serendipity -I had to look up- is defined as finding something good....that doesn't seem to make sense.

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   5. 60

      theIndecisiveGirlposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I got over my first love by surrounding myself with friends, going out and doing things, and working out. exercise helped a lot it was a great outlet for me. Goodluck!

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2. 62

   paradigmsearchposted 13 years ago

   Time heals. Your mind will automatically sort things out in due course.

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   1. 76

      schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      thanks. [trying to stay busy]

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      1. 89

         Jean Bakulaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Keeping busy helps. Time really does heal too. You get to a point where you will remember him fondly, but it won't hurt to do it. Try to redirect your thoughts when you begin to  think of him. If he travels in the same social circle, maybe take a course in something new that interests you, or write more hubs. As you grow as a person, as Barbary Kay says, you may wonder what you loved him for anyway....Hang in there!

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         1. 76

            schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Thanks, sometimes it's easier to make myself redirect, other times I"ll be honest like right now and say that I am feeling better day by day and thanks

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3. 82

   tsmogposted 13 years ago

   Paradigmsearch words are wise. For me, I finally read 'The Four Loves' by C.S. Lewis. Kinda' hard to read, but I have a different perspective of falling in love and that kinda' thing now.

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   1. 76

      schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I'm going to look it up next time I'm in the library, thanks

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4. 0

   lostandfound11posted 13 years ago

   When you find out let me know!  I had my first love at 15.  I have been married for 6 years and have still never got over it.  Still get butterflies every time I see him.

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   1. 89

      Jean Bakulaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I think if you truly love somebody, love never dies. But circumstances change, and one person will move on for reasons the other one can't understand. I think it's a lot harder for the one holding on, and agree you never forget. I never saw my first love again, he just bailed, in fact I wrote a fictional hub which wasn't all that fictional about our situation. I did vary some facts. So I guess we are all saying we always remember, but it won't hurt as much. It's harder if you are in a position where you still have to see the person. And it's a big world out there, I think there's probably more than one person for all of us. I went on to get married to someone else, and we've been together for more than 30 yrs. But I still think about my first love.

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5. 67

   Sue Adamsposted 13 years ago

   I cried for two weeks. My my mum gave me Valerian drops for the nerves.

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6. 59

   DGuerreroposted 13 years ago

   Time certainly heals wounds to some extent, and as Barbara said you're first love will always have a place with you in some special way. However it is important to remember that there are chapters in our lives that end so that the other chapters of our life can begin. Take what you've learned and experienced in your past relationship and apply that knowledge to the next man who is lucky enough to meet you.

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7. 59

   DGuerreroposted 13 years ago

   Time certainly heals wounds to some extent, and as Barbara said you're first love will always have a place with you in some special way. However it is important to remember that there are chapters in our lives that end so that the other chapters of our life can begin. Take what you've learned and experienced in your past relationship and apply that knowledge to the next man who is lucky enough to meet you.

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8. 0

   Home Girlposted 13 years ago

   You never actually do. You just put it aside sort of, so it won't prevent you from living your life.

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9. 63

   jcmayer777posted 13 years ago

   I got over it when I found my second love. 
   
   There's a bazillion people out there you could be very happy with.  My best suggestion is to not be afraid to get hurt again (because it probably will happen again) and get out there and have some fun. 
   
   There will be some bumps in the road, but the only way you'll find happiness in the area of love is to go out and live life and find it.

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   1. 63

      jcmayer777posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I should add.....
      
      I think you'll know you're ready to  move on the first time you feel a little "something" more for another person, even if it's someone you don't know well.

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   2. 0

      Home Girlposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I think  it's a good advice.

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   3. 76

      schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I've been in relationships in the past and the only way I got over them was to immediately jump into the next one.
      
      
      
      I have dated a few guys recently  but none of them turned out to be worthwhile. ..

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10. 65

    Greek Oneposted 13 years ago

    i dated her mom.. she was a good bridge.. something like my ex, but still a different person

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11. 76

    schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years ago

    I'm not having any luck so I'm just going to wait.

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12. 70

    satice_jposted 13 years ago

    It was difficult because I was eighteen and had been stood up at the alter. That's not difficult to say now, but at the time in 1989, it was a very painful time. I'd been engaged to a guy in the Army and he'd gone to Germany. We wrote back and forth alot and yet that familiar happening of him meeting another girl came around and he got hooked on her and thus cold feet on his part and no wedding. I have a big family and they are of the nature that you go on with the show and so we had the reception and ate and danced. But then after they'd all gone home, I sat in my room many days crying and pining for him. I'd been with him for five years. It was hard to let go. Because I didn't know about love, I called him and begged him to come back. He did come back and we tried again but I realized he didn't love me,not like before and so he went back to Germany and I seemingly went on with my life. Two things got me over him. Because I'd designated myself as a writer by this time, I wrote him a long letter and poured my heart out in it to him. I closed it up and put it away. (Still have it to this day, that letter.) And then, after watching the show, 'Amen' which starred Sherman Hemsly, I enlisted in the United States Army. I chose Germany as my first duty station. When I got there after weeks of grueling training, I had the CQ help me find him, and I left a message to have him call me. When he did, he asked me if I was in country with my family. I told him no and got a kick out of telling him I'd joined the Army. (He had told me I could never make it in the Army or even life.) He was shocked but gave me a warm welcome as a fellow soldier. I had become the strong woman I knew I had inside of me and gotten over loving him. Giggles.

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       schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       That's cool Kudos to you

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13. 60

    Johnjfernandoposted 13 years ago

    I used to spend a lot of nights wishing I had never fallen in love. I was constantly drinking too much and just abusing the body with smoking and alcohol as a self-blame thing. Its not easy going through so much in life and living in some form of turmoil and grief and then to be saved by the love and care of a woman that expressed loving you more than you loved yourself. I never really thought of  this as a long term relationship until it did. But, then, in short, she was with already with someone else at the time and only came to me because she was avoiding him from his abusive ways, until she went back to him. I never cared about the excuses other than why she stole my heart. I never really met this guy at the time I was with her but, every time we run into each other he's ready to fight like a schoolyard bully even though I don't want to since he is reasonably tall(6ft-4) and built. I had got out of this depression state because of the many friends I had, the family that started to care more, and I know that whenever I go for a walk, my dog, Spud, will always be ready for one. Long story, short; 'Life goes on.' You've got so much going for you in life and so many other people out their waiting to find a unique person like you. So, don't throw it all away and miss out on that opportunity. Cheers*

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    1. 76

       schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       thanks
       I *know* that improving myself is key. It may sound negative but to make myself happy and confident I need to lose weight amoungst other things which I'm doing!!! I lost 20 lbs in 2 mo!!! Yay for me!
       
       Like satice_j  this is having some good effects!!

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          Jean Bakulaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Hey, congrats! It's hard to lose weight. Try  not to jump into another relationship too fast, because you'll be doing it for the wrong reasons. Of course, since you're looking so fab, who knows what will happen .

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          1. 76

             schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             thanks

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14. 50

    Tulips-smithposted 13 years ago

    Hey everyone I feel your pain my ex well im not sure If he has moved on or is re-bounding five days after realising I think he still had feelings for me.
    
    I'm not sure what's harder for me not knowing If this girl actually means something to him and were over and he can't tell me that or knowing that he has not had the strength to sort things out me and decided to jump into bed etc with the first girl who came along.
    
    Good luck with moving on and everything

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15. 71

    equineposted 13 years ago

    Get involved in other things.  Join a meetup group or a club, play a sport, buy a puppy.  You cannot rely on others' to make you happy. I know that sounds cliche', but I can tell you from experience. I'm 28 years old. From the age of 16 till about a two years ago, I put a lot of effort into finding Mr. Right. I was even voted "first to get married" in my senior class yearbook.  Then I stopped trying and decided to focus on myself for a while. A year later I was engaged.  I am getting married next summer.

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16. 83

    habeeposted 13 years ago

    My first love was 37 years ago, and I don't think I'll ever be over him completely. I've been in love only twice in my 53 years - my first love and my husband. Actually, I don't think it's so much the guy I can't get over as that amazing feeling of being in love at the age of 16.

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       Tulips-smithposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I definatly feel Like love and life is all about the unexepected and I'm a firm believer that my Ex and I are meant to work things out we will for example If not we won't. 
       
       Ps.  If anyone can read my post please help I'd really appreciate everyone advice thanks

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17. 0

    Emile Rposted 13 years ago

    Your first love will always be your first love. But, I think I got over it when I met his significant other. Those two guys make a cute couple.

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    1. 83

       habeeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       LOL!!

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