Beautiful words, with no commitment.

  1. MissA2011 profile image59
    MissA2011posted 7 years ago

    I know this message is lengthy, but I wanted to be as detailed as possible.

    We have known each other for more than 3 years and lived together for more than 18 months, but in June I asked him to move out because he could not commit to a real relationship; it was a battle to do anything as couple (unless it was his idea) and our lives were not blending together (most of the time it felt like we were best friends with benefits).

    He did not want to leave in June, but after a whole lot of tears from both of us...he did.

    From June until October we saw each other once or twice a week hoping to save our friendship (making an effort not to become friends with benefits...we failed a few times) and we spoke on the phone at least 5 times a week. 

    At the beginning of October I decided it was time to take a break from seeing each other and to also stop talking every day, because I could not move on due to his constant mixed signals.

    Even though I have asked him to give me the space I need to move on, he has continued to be the same guy he has always been. 

    From the first day we met to today, no matter where we have been in our relationship status, I have heard the most beautiful and complimentary words.  I hear how much he loves me and how life would be nothing without me.  I also frequently get emailed poems, sweet and clever texts and links that send me to something he knows I will like; a song, video, article, picture, etc.

    By his words and his wooing me through technology, he is madly in love with me and there is no other woman for him.

    By his actions and excuses, he will not make a commitment, and if he ever would, it would only be when he is ready.

    He is my best friend and I am still in love with him, but the mixed signals are ridiculous.  I am frustrated and annoyed; because our compatibility is wonderful in every area, other than our views on commitment...we both say we can imagine growing old together - still laughing together at 80.   

    Even though I have made it clear I will not wait for him, he seems to keep believing I will, and the beautiful words continue.

    Am I in the wrong?
    Is there something I am missing?
    Did my impatience get the better of me?

    1. proactrdv profile image69
      proactrdvposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Maybe you should ask yourself if you are really serious about commitment. If you and he have taken the time to really discuss what it is each of you wants but keep coming to an impass and can ony reach a stalmate and you still love him, maybe you are just as uncommited as he is. You cannot be serious if you continue to hold on to him and not move on after you say that is what you want. Are you truly committed or not? If so what are you doing about it? Seems to me you are sending mixed signals just like you say he is doing.

      1. Hollie Thomas profile image61
        Hollie Thomasposted 6 years agoin reply to this

        Maybe you also need to define what you mean by "commitment" It appears he had made some commitment by moving in with you. Were the problems really about commitment, or some problems within the relationship that you found unacceptable, for example not doing many things together as a couple.  He may also feel that you have given mixed messages by asking him to move out, and then suggesting that he is the one unable to commit.

        You say that you wanted to maintain the friendship, but how many friends talk five nights on the phone. It seems like you were both afraid to let go. Maybe when you are absolutely certain of what you want from this relationship, friendship or commitment? You'll be able to lay your cards on the table. Either way,  you'll both have the opportunity to work on it, if you both want to, or move on.

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)