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Would like advice from both men and women about this topic ,thanks.

  1. profile image56
    unsettledwifeposted 5 years ago

    Hi,I'm new here and have been e-mailed saying my post was in the wrong place,so thanks for those who replied but they were deleted before I was able to read them.
    Anyway here is my problem.My husband was not over his ex when we met.I didn't know this at the time,when our son was a toddler I found him crying over her.We parted and got back together.He said it was because she was his first love and the only one he had slept with.Many years have passed,it's over 20 since we met. Yet I still feel threatened by this woman.My husbands mates still speak of her to my husband,in front of me.One even said to me that she was the one my husband wanted.His family have this impression too, which makes me feel second best.My husbands sister is best friends with her, and I don't like the fact that she gets informed of all aspects of our lives, right down to us moving house ect.
    My husband said during an argument that he had spoken with his ex in the supermarket and she had invited him to her home.He asked if her husband would mind! No thought to my feelings,when I mentioned this he said it meant the same,and  that people would talk if he were seen going to her home!
    I have discovered she is now divorced.My husband and I have been going through a rough patch in our marriage and of course she will now about this, via his sister.Despite being better looking,having a better figure and being smarter than this woman I feel threatened because I know my husband couldn't get over her for ages.They had parted two years before he met me.What should I do?
    I also dread bumping into this woman when I am with my husband.She has moved nearer us, so this is a possibility now.I fear being made to look a fool with her humiliating me by hugging my husband or saying something like "we go back a long way"or just humiliating me.It doesn't help the matter by her knowing how she hurt my husband and how we split up over him still wanting her,thanks of his sister!What do I do? Thanks

  2. thooghun profile image84
    thooghunposted 5 years ago

    If he said that he was invited to her house during the course of an argument then he was probably trying to exacerbate your jealousy, if something more sinister were truly going on, he would have omitted planting that seed of doubt any further (in my opinion).

    As a free-man, your jealousy or your words will not stop him from meeting with her if he truly wants to (he'll find a way). I would simply and starkly let him know that such an event would be go a long way in denting trust between you both. Familiarity often breeds content, and despite the fact that you know your worth, he may take you for granted. Showing him that you CAN live without him, and that any indication of cheating will result in precisely that may be enough for him to reconsider his dance with the devil.

    I like the way you are proud of yourself, and have a handle on your self-esteem. Good for you!

  3. cat on a soapbox profile image86
    cat on a soapboxposted 5 years ago

    Unsettled wife,
    I really feel for you in this situation. I'm sorry. I would suggest that you both seek a neutral family counsellor who will facillitate an open dicussion on this issue.
    I would suggest that he or she meet w/ each of you individually first. Good luck!

    1. tamron profile image55
      tamronposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I was in a simulur situation exsept me and his exed got a long.  I told him to go wither her and see what happens.  I was hurt but I just let him go he was gone that night the phone rang and he wanted to come home, So if anything at all was true he will be back!

  4. profile image57
    goldengirl88posted 5 years ago

    She was his first love, which meant yeah he had a hard time letting her go i dont see anything wrong with that, for some of us the first cut is the deepest:), it does not mean he loves you any less! It sounds like you are insercure and dont trust him, but he has not given you any reason to doubt his honesty he told you about seeing her in the supermarket and how she asked him back to her house. I think because of his families love for her, and his you have attached a real stigma to her, and that one day he is just going to leave you for her. I think for too long you have let this woman get in the way of your relationship, this woman is obviously an important woman in his life, but they broke up for a reason no matter how much it broke his heart, he is with you! dont let her have anymore power in your lives then she already has, as by your onsession with her she is and has obviously droven a huge wedge between the two of you.

    sorry for long reply