What would you do if your wife asked her ex for money? Where is the respect level?
What is the money for? Is it a dire emergency? Does she not have access to other friends or family who could loan her the money? Can she not borrow the money from a lender instead? Why her ex? There are several questions that need to be answered before determining if it's completely disrespectful.
Yes she had other options, but its like they have this sick safety net thing going on for each other. He asks for favors as well. They also have one child together. He has girlfriends, and I tell my wife he should ask them for favors.
You need to communicate EXACTLY how you feel. Be open and honest about the fact you're uncomfortable with her using him as a "safety net." Then, if she continues to do it, have a plan in place to exit the relationship.
Holly your right. We have be together for 6 years, these are only a few things. The problem is I obviously respect her more then she respects me. Its trying as well, I'm about to be 41 this is enough. And we have talked Holly, nothings changed.
We usually know the answer deep down inside; however, it never hurts to make sure you're right. You deserve someone who is honest with you as you are with them. Good luck! I pray you get some peace!
I agree with Holly; without knowing more it's impossible to say if it was disrespectful or not. The real question here is why you feel it was disrespectful?
What can you do?
Is it a cause for divorce? Most likely not.
Did she ask for the money to help her husband/family out of a bind?
Was it just for her to buy some trinket you couldn't afford?
The motivation or her reasons for doing so are very important. Some exes become very good platonic friends and the giving/receiving money has no stings attached or ulterior motives beyond helping out a friend. If you have met and know the ex helps to ease suspicions.
However it would be interesting to find out what (his wife) thought!
How many wives would be okay with their husbands giving their family's money to one of his ex girlfriends?
My guess is it wouldn't please many of them.
I totally agree here about the motivation being key. I've helped my ex husband out of a jam and my current husband had no issue, but it was a true emergency. He's also helped us out previously and his GF lost her mind but it was for our sons needs.
My thought here is "would I do this to my wife?" And the answer is no. An ex is an ex for a reason, so you dont shift responsibility around, and you leave gray areas, or cracked doors. Out of line.
It's not about "would I do this to my wife?" but rather "Would you do it for your child?" Again if you had a child with your ex would you not want to help make that child's life comfortable? Just because they're not together doesn't absolve him.
The problem is 1) she didn't ask me for the money 2) she has constantly used her exe for a safty net. Just recently we didn't have a certain kind of allergy medicine, without my knowing, she went over to his place to get some. 3) there is nothing odd or disrespectful to her about asking her ex for money. I would never ask an ex for money, thats what I have a wife for. The man showed up at my house yesterday with money and I was confused and didn't know a thing about it. It was very humiliating, and emasculating.
Your missing the point. "I didn't know anything about it" me and him are not friends. She never had a female just showing up unannounced. Because I have respect.
You said in another response they share a child - that means they share a common bond. She should have told you yes, but at the same time, if this was for the child or a true need, it shouldn't be a "humiliating" issue. He has obligations.
Not sure if you accidentally deleted my last comment or not but I believe your statement: "It was very humiliating, and emasculating." is the real issue! You always have the option to pay him back when you can. He's providing help for his child.
Yes "dashing" it was an accident. But like I said, I new nothing about the money. I was confused. Maybe for one moment, see it from my pov.
Jykeith, See it from (his) point of view! Imagine you had a child with one of your exes. She needed money for allergy medicine. Would you give it to her to help out with (your child). Is she wrong to come to you? It would be different w/o child.
It wasn't for her child it was for her. I would have bought it, but she never told me anything! The medicine was for an Adult!
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