Why did you choose to have children?

Jump to Last Post 1-11 of 11 discussions (37 posts)
  1. profile image0
    kelleywardposted 12 years ago

    Just wanting to hear why you decided to have children. Anyone care to share?

    1. Hollie Thomas profile image60
      Hollie Thomasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      My first child was an accident. I had planned to be childless and never wanted children ( I had dreams of living and working in distant lands) My second child was planned. I did not want my son to be an only child and to have no other immediate family when I was gone. I'm glad I had both of them now.

      1. profile image0
        Muldaniaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        I think having siblings is good for most children.  I grew up as an only child, and at almost 40, I am still the last person to have been born in my family.  So I am the last in the line for both my mom's and dad's family.  And as having children isn't an option, there would have been a better chance of the family line continuing had I had siblings.

        1. Hollie Thomas profile image60
          Hollie Thomasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          I was the youngest of four and there was fourteen, twelve and eight years between myself and my siblings. I felt like an only child and I was very lonely as a child. This was at the forefront of my mind when I planned my second child.

      2. profile image0
        kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        Thanks everyone the reasons for having children are sometimes so unique to each person. Thanks for sharing!

    2. BrazilActiv profile image61
      BrazilActivposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Kelly,well... for me anyway, there's no greater gift in life than children.  In my opinion, nothing in life comes close to the joy and love a child brings smile

      1. rLcasaLme profile image69
        rLcasaLmeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        I second that! wink

        1. BakingBread-101 profile image60
          BakingBread-101posted 12 years agoin reply to this

          I third that!  My child is a joy and while she is an only child in my family, she at least has me.  She tells me that before she found me she was looking for a Mommy and a Daddy and a Sister, but no brothers because boys are icky . . . but she is quick to say she's glad she found me because I'm the Queen of Mothers and just the best best.

    3. lizzieBoo profile image60
      lizzieBooposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I have four children All of them were a surprise and a delight. I hope I am blessed with more.
      I'm one of ten so I know what it is to have a busy household. It's a great gift. Childbirth is the female equivalent of charging into armed combat. You know it's coming and you have not choice but to battle it out. I remember thinking during my last labour, that this is what the men "going over the top" of the trenches must have felt like. Terrified. At the end, when the baby has been born, you feel like you've won.

  2. WryLilt profile image88
    WryLiltposted 12 years ago

    Because I like to try everything. I'm a know it all - plus I'm a writer at heart and think the more I can experience, the better I can write.

    Having had two natural and easy births, I'd kinda like to try a ceaser and a VBAC just to say that I have!

    1. Hollie Thomas profile image60
      Hollie Thomasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I've had a ceaser, honestly, don't go there.

      1. WryLilt profile image88
        WryLiltposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        Oh yeah I know that they're a lot more painful and can cause far more complications. But hell I'd like to commit suicide to try that, if I could come back and write about it after! Just like trying things, LoL!

        1. Hollie Thomas profile image60
          Hollie Thomasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          If I wrote about it, I'd have to talk about how nutty I became, paranoid when the midwife visited etc. I was very ill after, physically and psychologically. Not to mention the blood transfusions.

          1. WryLilt profile image88
            WryLiltposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Yep I've had major surgeries before... and I am scared to death of needles. So hopefully never end up with a ceaser.... but would still like to know what it's like. Sorry to hear yours wasn't very successful sad

            1. Hollie Thomas profile image60
              Hollie Thomasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

              Well, it was successful in terms of delivering a beautiful daughter. But it was an emergency ceaser so no epidural, just sleep. After giving birth naturally, it was weird. My daughter was in the special care baby unit, so we didn't bond as we should either. Not immediately anyway. I found the whole situation quite harrowing.

            2. profile image0
              Muldaniaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

              I share your fear of needles.  In fact for years I have refused to have blood tests.  However, I couldn't get out of it last week, and the fear built up to an overwhelming degree.  However, to my amazement, it didn't hurt at all.  I really think the fear of needles is more distressing than the needles themselves.

  3. Cagsil profile image70
    Cagsilposted 12 years ago

    I haven't. lol

  4. Richieb799 profile image76
    Richieb799posted 12 years ago

    I think I want kids but I've been pondering the question 'Is it fair to bring a child into a world with so many problems?'

    1. WryLilt profile image88
      WryLiltposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I'm bringing mine in so I can teach them how to fix it. smile

      1. Richieb799 profile image76
        Richieb799posted 12 years agoin reply to this

        I dunno whether you can teach them how to fix it but maybe I will be able to share some of my wisdom with them and it will be nice to be a role model.

    2. profile image0
      kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I remember feeling like you do rich I really like your way of thinking about it Wry

    3. BakingBread-101 profile image60
      BakingBread-101posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      This is a question that will go on for all eternity.  The world will always have problems.  And if we don't bring children into the world, then truly the end of mankind will happen.

  5. Elani-Lee profile image74
    Elani-Leeposted 12 years ago

    I think this is an excellent question. I do not have children, and I really do not understand why anyone truly desires to have one. The physical pain, the economic hardship, then the psychological pain when they are older. How is it worth it?

    1. Eric Newland profile image60
      Eric Newlandposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Let me put it this way: the reasons why you have a child aren't as important as--and frankly bear no resemblance to--the reasons why you keep them.

      You get instantly rewired when you become a parent. It truly isn't something you can understand until you've gone through it. If I could go back in time and try to explain to my younger self what being a dad is like it would be a wasted trip. It would be like trying to explain color to a blind man.

      1. TamCor profile image81
        TamCorposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        That was the best explanation that I've ever read... smile  I was the same way before I had kids--I didn't think I was cut out to be a parent, because although I liked the new babies that came along in our family, I just didn't think it was for me...

        I changed, though, as soon as I looked into my new little daughter's eyes, and was confirmed two more times with my sons... smile

        1. profile image0
          kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          I agree with your answer. I've heard Steve arterburn say I don't know anyone who stays married for the reason they got married. It's similar to having a child the reasons for having one often are less impor than the reasons for loving one!

    2. Marlena Oechsner profile image59
      Marlena Oechsnerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I do not have children but question whether or not I want any. I am currently reading a book called Misconceptions by Naomi Wolf. She discusses many things that people fail to consider when having children. As a new aunt, I love my nephew like crazy, but I don't know if I could deal with the emotional challenges that are presented during pregnancy. My dad would love to have more grandchildren, but he understands the hardships that are presented to the woman, as compared to the man in the relationship. Another thing he said that stuck with me relates to what Richie said about bringing children into a world with so many problems: parents felt this way thirty years ago and they'll feel this way in another thirty years. Raising a child in any situation is difficult, so you need to think about the things that you CAN provide for your child, not what you can't give them.

      1. profile image0
        kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        Thanks for sharing. Sounds like a great book!

  6. Tracy Lynn Conway profile image93
    Tracy Lynn Conwayposted 12 years ago

    I don't think it was ever a decision for me.  From the time my younger brother was born and I was given the opportunity to be his 'big sister' I knew that I loved the ideas of babies and children and in a greater sense the circle of life. Children bring the greatest joy to the lives of those who open their hearts to them.  This connection with children doesn't only exist through being a parent; aunts, uncles and other close family members and friends can share in this experience as well. There is a lot of work involved for parents along with some sacrifices but I find in life that the greatest rewards come from meeting the most difficult challenges.  Children stretch parents to be a better person than they ever thought they could be.


  7. brittanygc profile image70
    brittanygcposted 12 years ago

    Well my first child was not planned at all, complete surprise. After I had her, I had baby fever and really wanted to be pregnant again, so we tried and when she was 4 months old I took a positive pregnancy test. Besides loving being pregnant, I made a conscious decision that I wanted my children to be close in age. My girls are now 2 and 1, and they are wonderful together. There are 5 years separating me and my younger brother, and we are not close at all, but I wish like crazy we were. So I wanted to give that to my children.

    I plan on trying for one more in no less than 2 years. I want to be sure we are in a great financial spot to raise another baby and for my babies now to be a little older. I could not handle another little baby right now. The ones I have keep me super busy all day.

  8. MsDora profile image94
    MsDoraposted 12 years ago

    Questions like this make me think about things I didn't think about before the question.  I guess having children was a choice, but it didn't seem like it.  I expected to grow up, marry and have children; not having children would have been a more conscious choice. For me, it was like part of my womanhood responsibility.

    1. profile image0
      kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      It's amazing how different every person answers this question. There are many reasons why we choose to have children. Thanks everyone for answering this question!

  9. IntimatEvolution profile image68
    IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years ago

    I didnt decide.  My irresponsibility decided for me......

    1. profile image0
      kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      it happens!

  10. Lisa HW profile image61
    Lisa HWposted 12 years ago

    (I'd turn my answer into a whole Hub if it weren't "purely personal".)

    My first one wasn't planned - but not in the way you may think.  He was an infant who came into my life and needed a mother, so I set about adopting him.  I'd always known I wanted to have children and "be a family" at some point anyway, so thought I'd start with him.  smile

    I had my younger son had because it was time, and because building our family "the conventional way" was always something we'd planned anyway (and my four-year-old son needed a sibling, too, I thought).  One reason I adopted him was my wish to offer him two good parents and a really nice family and childhood.  I thought siblings would be a part of that - but then, too, I wanted to have babies myself too, just because that's the usual way people build their families.

    I was so happy with my adorable set of sweet little boys, I could have been happy enough with just them.  But, since we loved them so much and enjoyed having them so much (and since I was still only 32), I didn't want to stop building our family at two children - so we went for three.  I figured, another little son "just like the others" would be nice, and a daughter would be a first for us.  My daughter was born, which made things seem even more complete as far as that "being a family" thing went.

    Why we wanted to be a family (besides just kind of always taking for granted that we'd have a family one day) because we'd been together as "just us" for quite a while, and wanted to take our life together (as they say) "to the next level".  It was also, I guess, feeling like we had a lot of love to give to children; but also because children can bring so much into a life.  Also, I guess, I had a major nurturing instinct that needed an outlet.  I was 29 when my younger son was born, so apparently that nurturing instinct hadn't diminished with just one child.  Besides, I wanted my next child to be one I didn't have to "fight for" for "ages".

    Finally, I had the wish to "once and for all" do the "have a baby thing" the way we always assume we most likely will.  I'd had a baby without a pregnancy and delivery, and I'd had a pregnancy without a baby.  My younger son was born prematurely.  All had gone well, but it still hadn't been the same as it is "for everyone else".  When my daughter was born at 37 weeks (considered full-term enough), I felt like I'd finally had the same experience that "most other mothers do", so I guess there was some element of wanting that involved with our having our youngest child.  smile  Once she was born, I suppose we preferred not to rock any boats/odds by having another child after her.  Having two beautiful and healthy little boys and a beautiful and healthy little girl were more than we could ever have hoped for.

    What I've discovered is that some of the reasons we have children sometimes don't reveal themselves to us until our families are grown, we see our children with their grown siblings and feel what we feel when we do, and see how we've grown with them; but also what they continue to bring into our lives as their own lives become more full.  I guess I sort of knew that I'd eventually discover yet more reasons to be happy I'd built my family, but I had no idea about how meaningful it would all become as our family matured, or about how I'd grow as they grew.  I guess I had my family because I didn't want to miss out on what having a family would bring to me and to my life.  I just didn't have a clue about how much, exactly, I'd miss if I didn't have my children.

    What I also discovered once each of my children had come into my life was that my reasons for having (or adopting) each were no longer at all about what they could bring to my life - but about what I could bring to theirs (which, in itself, one of the best things about having children).

    1. profile image0
      kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I agree so much with your answer because it is what I have come to know as my own. The biggest thing I have learned since having my 3 boys all per c-section as a high risk diabetic (I know what you mean about not getting to have a REAL birth) is that becoming a parent is about a series of losses and a series of gains. We must grieve the losses (I'll never have a girl, never have a regular birth, never etc.) but there are so many gains (beauty of boys is something I never thought possible, boys extend me because I only knew about being a girl etc). I agree that as I teach them and they learn from me I am the one who learns so much about myself, the world, and how special little people are! Thanks!

  11. rLcasaLme profile image69
    rLcasaLmeposted 12 years ago

    Coming home with your daughter opening the door and reaches up to you to get a kiss is PRICELESS!


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)