If you found the one but timing wasn't right.Would you let him go?

1. 73

   heavensalterposted 13 years ago

   I'm at a love cross roads. I am a hopeless romantic and have dreamed of the perfect guy for me for many years.I think I may have found him but we are both at a bad time of our lives where we're not exactly where we want to be. He wants to pursue a big dream and feels having me in his life would hold him back because the intensity of our love distracts him. I truly understand what he means. In order to pursue his dream he must focus and it takes time several years in fact. I however am ready to settle down. I am willing to let him go. Am I being selfless or just willing to settle? What would you do?

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      moiponetsokaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      they always say that marry the person you cant live without rather than the one you can live without. if he loved you enough he was going to find a way to fulfil his dreams with you by his side. he is not ready to settle down and how long are you willing to stop your life and wait for him to walk through the door, put your needs first.

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2. 76

   pmorriesposted 13 years ago

   The greeks came up with the idea that there is another person out there that completes you, or is your soulmate, the one, or whatever. Some experts even think you find the one, because you have decided it is time to be married. My wife gives me butterflies, even when she is mad at me (which ticks her off sometimes), but either of us could have found someone else or would find someone else if one of us passes.
   
   Also, the idea that he can't have you in his life because its itensity is too strong sounds like an excuse. What could be better than living your dream, or working toward it, and having an intense love (not much). In closing, i hope my answer did not hurt you in anyway.

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3. 0

   Arlene V. Pomaposted 13 years ago

   Let him go.  If this man truly wanted you, he would do anything to be with you.  Sorry.  This one isn't on the same page as you.  Find someone who is and forget about Mr. Perfect.  He doesn't exist.  If you are so serious about getting married, then get real.  Find a man you can count on.  Which is basically a best friend.

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4. 69

   Pearldiverposted 13 years ago

   As a Guy.... I have always believed that the objective is to find the person with whom you can share the dream with!  After all, what greater focus is actually achieved beyond that of making a 'commitment' and sharing it I would ask!
   
   Sorry but your 'One' is smudging his ink I'm afraid!  That means what he is telling you is that you need to move on.. because he isn't the 'one' and isn't prepared to commit to you, irrespective how much you have committed to him!
   
   Don't settle for less than you deserve.. I'm sure deep down you understand what I mean.. take care.
   
   And yes... both Mr. Perfect and Miss Perfect do exist.. you will find that out when you stop searching for the preconceived version!

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5. 73

   heavensalterposted 13 years ago

   Wow. All of you have given me great insight. You are all correct and I know that deep down inside I know that is something is that hard to hold on to then it must not be meant to happen. I just hate investing so much time and emotion for nothing in return. Thank you all I will be patient in my quest to true happiness with the right person.

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6. 88

   rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

   Then it's not the real thing. Perhaps it's the intensity of the emotions, the needs, but if he actually said this to you, I would say he is most likely not 'the one'. Otherwise he would include you in pursuing his big dream.
   
   You're right about investing time and emotion into something that will not last.
   Perhaps this relationship has allowed you to see that the right person is more about feeling right together and pursuing dreams together. Good luck and be yourself.

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7. 0

   Arlene V. Pomaposted 13 years ago

   Ha!  When you expect Mr. Perfect or believe he is truly out there, you will be disappointed.  I can tell you right now that he won't be perfect.  He will have his faults like any human being.  You have to work with what you've got, but don't invest in duds.  Don't get caught in what THEY want.  Ask yourself, "What do I want???"  Smart women in successful marriages don't put the emphasis on fairy tales.  That Prince Charming can easily turn into the biggest toad ever if you don't make the right choice in the first place.  In other words, the Mr. Right you thought you found could be the biggest mistake you ever made in your life.
   
   You won't have to try all that hard if you know what you want in the search for a mate.  But if it clicks with someone, it clicks.  If the two of you can't see your lives without each other, it's the real deal.
   
   And, I'm hoping this for you.

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