"Lord, Why Am I So Angry?"

I used to be a very nice person...at least I thought I was. Not that anger is the opposite of nice, but an angry person doesn't always do nice things. And, I was/am angry!

I was angry at my 2 ex-husbands, but I was the one who took the baby and left husband #1. And, I discouraged husband #2 and then kindly asked him to leave. I was the one who filed for the divorce decrees, they didn't leave me. I’d gotten my way, why was I angry?

I was angry at my mother, my father, my dead sister, my brothers, my aunts, uncles and cousins...Why? I was angry at my 1st and 7th grade teachers. Oh and my 10^th grade high school gym teacher. I was angry at the neighbors, my co-workers and of course my employers.

I was angry at my best friend, my son, my nephews and nieces, god-children, church members, the pastor, the guest speakers and the choir. Why?

I was angry at the gang bangers, the loud teenage girls and the squirrels that buried acorns in my front yard. And lest I forget, I was/am angry with myself. I have a problem.

If you were raised like I was, there was always someone around who saw you get angry and told you that you "shouldn't feel that way." They were trying to train us to be forgiving, but children are non-discriminating. "You shouldn't feel that way" was the same as saying "You are being bad if you feel that way". So, to please them and to not be bad, I began to misname my anger and manipulate my anger so that I wouldn't "feel that way". Unwittingly, I was suppressing anger in some areas and becoming a raging fool in other areas.

I went to college with the "Let it all hang out" generation. We were encouraged to get in touch with our feelings; to immediately express your personal anger and disapproval without concern for anyone else. It was thought that this was the best way to support and maintain good mental health. We had no idea that emotionally this was tantamount to dropping the atom bomb on Hiroshima.

Now, a generation and a half later, I find all that freedom of expression which I let fly out of my mouth did little more than alienate others and create situations where people became dishonest with me. They would rather lie to me and stay away from me than have me "go off on them".

I also found all of that willy-nilly free expression gave one the false idea that their opinions where more valid than the opinion of others. This was a problem because if two opposing ideas came together there was likely to be a physical altercation; simply because neither side had the skill to be civil over disagreements.

Those classes in psychology were wonderful in helping to identify the fact or presence of anger, and in helping one understand the root or cause of anger; but the practical application ideas were ineffective, to say the least. Nonetheless, I thank psychologist and psychiatrists everywhere and from every generation for the great breakthroughs they have made. But I look to God for my final and total deliverance.

Don't get me wrong. Anger is not sin, and, is actually a healthy emotion. The Bible says that we are to "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: " _{Ephesians 4:26}

So, there must be a place for anger in our lives.

Anger helps us stand up for justice; defend family, self and others. It helps us make decisions for the good and for our overall well-being. There is good anger, Godly anger and then there is "ridiculous" anger. What is "ridiculous" anger? It is:

1. Anger that you hold onto for two weeks to 15 years. Are you still mad at cousin Jake?[That is ridiculous ]
2. Anger because your mom is mad at her sister. [That is ridiculous ] You are totally out of order. It is not your fight and you shouldn't be in it.
3. Anger because they didn't choose you or your child, or your friend for the part or position etc. [That is ridiculous ] There is always someone better for the job.
4. Anger because you think you are too fat or too skinny or too anything else. [That is ridiculous ] No matter how disheartening or serious this may be to you until you do something about it just won't change.
5. Anger because you asked someone to tell you the truth and they did. [That is ridiculous ] You already know the person you asked is not going to lie to you. You should have picked another person to ask if you wanted a lie.
6. Anger because your great, great, great, great grandparents were slaves, discriminated against or some otherwise wrongfully treated. [That is ridiculous ] I am Black and Irish and Native American and German, so I can say this authoritatively.
7. Anger because you enjoy the rush of power that comes from being angry. [That is ridiculous ] Anger is a "high" that can burst your blood vessels.
8. Anger because "they" don't like you. [That is ridiculous ] Who don't you like?
9. Anger because you think they are plotting against you or because they actually are plotting against you. [That is ridiculous ] If you are angry you can't think straight to counter their attack; and that means their plot will work.
10. Anger because you have to wait for things to line up before you can receive the promise of God. [That is ridiculous ] No Comment!

"The foolish man blames the Lord for failure he has brought upon himself." _{Proverbs 19:3}

Because I am a Christian I look to God for everything. I am a Word talking, faith walking, and demon chasing Believer. Hallelujah and Amen! But, over the years, I think I've gotten this thing a little twisted. In experiencing victory after victory I think the knowledge of who is really in charge has escaped me. (I know none of you are like this.)

Growing in Christ and having to experience trouble and trauma, and of course, not getting my way when I wanted it has caused me to get puffed up and prideful. I speak mostly in the future tense because although I am experiencing a higher level of deliverance, I know that I can still fall into the "ridiculous anger" trap, as the scripture says,

"If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it." _{Genesis 4:7}

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour :" _{1 Peter 5:8}

I am angry at God because I have to follow His command to love those who despitefully use me. I have not mastered quick forgiveness or unconditional love. This is what makes me so grateful for the presence of the Holy Spirit and the fruit of the Spirit in my life. I am not alone in this fight to tame my flesh and to bring my thoughts into obedience to Christ Jesus. I have help to repent of anger toward God and help me grow in forgiveness and unconditional love.

I thank God that His grace, mercy and the redeeming blood of Jesus is working on my behalf. That I am not lost and undone. If it were up to my "flesh", I would have been disintegrated a long time ago. Thank you, Lord!

What about you????

Most believers shy away from admitting they are angry at the Lord. Some consider it a grave sin to even remotely consider they may be angry at God. But quite a few of us are just that, angry at the Lord God Almighty.

God is our Father and Jesus is our elderly Brother. It certainly is not in our best interest to be angry with or toward either one, but it happens.

Lying about it doesn't make it any better, the truth is the only thing that will set you free. Now, we don't want to know why you are mad at God unless you want to tell it. It really isn't any of our business. It is between you and the Lord. The point is you need to examine yourself and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any hidden anger you may have against the Father, or the Lord.

This may not apply to you and if that is so, I applaud you. But if it does apply to you, it is best to not fear the truth, but to acknowledge it. When we tell the truth and admit our shortcomings, in this case our anger, we give God the opening He needs to make us free.

You and I will never be free if we don't admit our issues. I realize that if a thousand years is as one day to the Lord, I could be angry and bound up all of my life and in the face of God's timing it would have only been a matter of seconds. But my life would have been ruined. I would have never reached my destiny...all because I didn't tell the truth....

Maybe you can't face the truth....maybe you are so deeply wounded that facing the truth is just out of the question, it is just too traumatic...you just can't take it. Well, the mercies of God are new every morning and I am persuaded that if we ask God to show us the truth a little at a time...show us as much as we can bear every day, overtime, we will be able to see it all, forgive it all and repent of it all. We can be set free. How do I know??? I know because I am living it.

P.S. If any portions of this hub sound angry, please point it out in the comments…you will be helping me get my deliverance. Thanks