I have a serious dilemma and need help. Please help me!!

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  1. whitacre1880 profile image60
    whitacre1880posted 11 years ago

    Ok, here's the deal. i am an atheist, at least i was. I don't know anymore. Some things have happened in my life that have made me question my beliefs. For instance, a little less than a year ago i was going through a terrible depression. I basically wanted nothing to do with my daughter. I was suicidal and was so willing to just off myself. But even though i had nothing to do with my child at that point, somehow she kept me alive. I am currently back in her life, and some would say I am a great dad to her. Anyways, that was just the beginning of my questioning. Now i don't know what to believe. Church was always forced on me as a child which is one main reason i resent religion. But if I resent religion for that reason, does it mean I shouldn't believe in god? Another thing is that i have another child due in about a week. The mother of this child was told her having a child would be slim to none. and here she is, a week away from our daughter being here. Things like this have really made me question if there is a God or some sort of higher power in the least. I just need to help to guide me. Feel free to ask questions so you can get a better understanding of things.

    1. Stacie L profile image90
      Stacie Lposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Those who don't know or recognize religion or God are referred to as Agnostic.
      You don't have to belong to a certain religion or denomination, but can be spiritual instead .
      I hope you can find an answer.

    2. kess profile image61
      kessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You've search for that which is, but yet...
      You've found that which is not.
      You've search for that which is not, but yet...
      You've found that which is.

      You've found a Dilemma, but yet...
      That dilemma was always you.
      and Dilemma is Death.....

      But  still yet...

      Blinded to self, Death continue as death
      Death is present when Life is not.

      So by seeing of  Death's self, Life begin
      And death disappear while Life remain

      So now that you've seen, that which is not
      Don't be lost in it, for Life is your lot

      For LIFE is whatever and where ever it has been
      And it not by searching that it is seen.

      For if you realise without a single doubt
      That it is You, that Life has searched out.

      Then your eyes would open and you would see
      That your Dilemma was meant to be

      God is not found by many who sought
      For just as He is,  also He is not.

      Look instead unto Life
      And surely you shall see

      What the Dilemma was meant to be.

    3. Slarty O'Brian profile image82
      Slarty O'Brianposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Why would things like that make you question? Do you resent religion or god?

      I don't think you are an atheist yet. Perhaps you never will be.

      It took me years to rid myself of religious conditioning, and it had nothing to do with resenting religion or its god. An atheist does not believe there is no god. An atheist lacks belief that there is a god. We also do not believe in the lack of a god. Theists have faith and belief that there is a god without any real proof or evidence. Atheists lack that faith and that belief.

      You can't prove a god does exist and you can't prove it doesn't. So an atheist can only lack belief, What would be the sense of believing a god does not exist? It can be your opinion but you do not have to invest yourself in it through belief. You would be speculating.

      I can not prove invisible pink rabbits don't exit in my attic and I can't prove they do. Should I believe they do? Why? There is no evidence that they do. Should I believe that they do not exist? Why? It;s speculation either way.
      So why should you put faith in speculation?

      In my opinion they probably do not exist. And that is what we can do. We can assess probability based on evidence and form opinions around that.
      So not only do I lack the belief that a god exists, it is also my opinion that the Christian god does not exist. I have that same opinion about all the conscious gods I know about.

      But one can be an atheist and still feel that there is something amazing going on. There are even atheist world views which some call atheistic religions like Pantheism (which is growing rapidly) that are of the opinion that the nature of our existence qualifies as god, if you define god as that which produced all this.

      It would not be the Christian god. It would not be a conscious being. It would be a process, and the evidence for it comes from science and the findings of science.

      So you have options. You can be an atheist, but without a world view of some sort you are missing a lot in your life. That is the problem. Atheism is not a world view on it's own. It means one thing and one thing only. The person claiming to be an atheist does not believe there is a conscious god. It tells you nothing of the wonder and awe a person might feel at being alive.

      Other atheist religions besides modern Pantheism include Zen Buddhism as well as other forms of Buddhism and Confuciusianism.

      And if you go the other way there are well over 4000 other gods to choose from.   

      There is no dilemma for you, just options.

    4. rebekahELLE profile image84
      rebekahELLEposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        It sounds like you are now more aware that life is a journey.  You are young and are fortunate for this period of questioning and discovering.  You have worked yourself through a period of depression. Some never come to this place in their lives.  The human experience is full of endless possibilities and what we may believe to be miraculous could very well be our own potential being exercised.  While I myself am not religious, I believe the human experience is spiritual in the sense that there is more to life than what we perceive with our 5 senses.  Think of how you feel when you see a beautiful sunset or hear your daughter laugh..
      Be excited for where you are in your life.  The important part is that you believe in yourself and are willing to grow and participate fully in this thing called life.

    5. A Troubled Man profile image57
      A Troubled Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      That appears rather contradictory from the get go. How can you have been an atheist and the question your beliefs? Makes no sense.

      1. Jean Bakula profile image93
        Jean Bakulaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        It sounds like you are a strong person, since you had the ability to turn your life around the way you did. Many people are not that strong willed, so that's really good. You have a lot going for yourself. I have never liked organized religions, but if you think you want to, you could start attending different churches just to get a feel for how the people are and how they express their faith.

        On the other hand, I think life is a journey, and you just had a series of happy coincidences. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's not unusual to visit the grave of a loved person and "talk" to them as if they were here, maybe they are in spirit. Who knows? The point is the hardest thing about being an adult is that nobody can tell you what the right decisions are for your life, you have to decide for yourself. And that's what your turnaround and questioning is all about. Keep on searching, and you will find out what is right for you. You also may change your mind at another time in your life too. There's nothing wrong with that either. We are here to learn and grow. I wish you all the best.

  2. whitacre1880 profile image60
    whitacre1880posted 11 years ago

    I understand what Agnostic is, but if you don't know or recognize God, then wouldn't you be Atheist? I look at it as, you don't believe in God but do believe in some higher power, that higher power most likely is considered a God somewhere else, so wouldn't you still believe in God, in a round about way?

  3. peeples profile image93
    peeplesposted 11 years ago

    Your journey to finding the path right for you should be yours and yours only. Ask for guidence yes, but don't let us strangers make you feel you have to pick one way or another.
    Now my personal opinion, give yourself some credit for your turn around. You control your actions and fixed what needed to be fixed to stay in your child's life. YOU deserve that credit. Nothing else.

  4. Marcy Goodfleisch profile image83
    Marcy Goodfleischposted 11 years ago

    You're truly a good and introspective person to examine yourself this way, and to care so much for your family. There's a big difference in not liking church and in not believing the teachings, or believing in a higher power.  That is a very personal journey for each individual.

    Virtually every 'believer' goes through periods of questioning and doubt (no matter what the faith or belief), and it those experiences help people further understand and embrace whatever internal path an individual follows. It's understandable for some people (many, actually) to be turned off by the organizational issues of various religions, and certainly it can be a drag if you're forced to attend, and as a kid you don't even understand why.

    Religion and church attendance can be imposed on someone, but faith and belief is individual.  It sounds like you're beginning to separate those two elements and examine what your personal beliefs might be.  I don't know what church you belonged to as a kid, but in my current church, people often contemplate and ask of the 'higher power' the question posed in the words in James 1:5. 

    That worked for me, when I was trying to decide whether the church I ended up joining nearly 11 years ago was right for me, and true, etc.  And, I have to say, I got the answers I needed in order to have personal confirmation. I'm just mentioning it here, in case it might help you get answers from within yourself and from the universe.

    Good luck on your journey, and the very best of good wishes to you as your family expands in the near future.  You've clearly been given what many of us think of as a 'miracle' or two!

  5. tamron profile image68
    tamronposted 11 years ago

    It seems like God has shown up in your life already!  Just get alone and ask God to reveal himself to you.  You will see the impossible be possible.  You will see good things happening all around you.

    Listen to your heart.  Follow your heart.  God speaks to us in many ways.  He speaks to your heart and your mind and reveals himself by giving you signs that he is listening to you.

  6. profile image0
    Sri Tposted 11 years ago

    An option is to just flow with nature. Don't worry about God, whether he exists or not is not the true problem. The real problem is, do you love yourself? Are you happy? It is important not to become a victim of thoughts. Thoughts pass through everyone. They don't belong to anyone. They are mere suggestions or ideas.  If you look at the thoughts objectively, you can decide if those thought makes you happy. Are they moving you in a better direction? You don't have to agree with destructive thoughts. There are always other options. Don't paint yourself into a corner. Find good teachers, books or solutions to whatever the problems are. You will be much happier.

  7. wilderness profile image95
    wildernessposted 11 years ago

    What is you want from life?  Do you want to live in the cold, hard world of truth and reason, or would you prefer the warm, fuzzy glow of religion?  Your attitude and actions can help direct you towards either choice.

    For example, you have a child on the way, and it sounds like that pleases you.  If you want reason, look at the truth and facts of how many women "can't" have kids and have them anyway.  It has happened to you just as it has to millions of others and there is no need to think that God had anything to do with it.  It is an everyday occurrence. 

    If you want the warm feeling of God looking over you, the ignore statistics, experience and truth; God has helped you find what you need.  Thank Him for it and look for ways to please him.  You can search for other wonderful things in your life that God has done as well, just try not to question the likelihood of those things happening without God.  Everything good that happens is from God - love Him for helping you overcome.

    As long as you keep your beliefs to yourself and don't demand that others agree, there is no harm in either choice.  No "wrong" either way, and either choice could be "right" for you.

    Just, please, don't come back to the forums and exclaim that you know God is there because you have a new child.  smile

  8. whitacre1880 profile image60
    whitacre1880posted 11 years ago

    wilderness- im not saying God is there because i have a new child. im sensing maybe he is there in fact due to the fact that the baby that i have on the way, possibly never would have happened. this girl got pregnant by me four times before she was able to actually carry this one through.

    now for all of you, i will admit, i went to my grandfathers grave and talked to him for a long time, and i asked him to help me get throught all the hardships and what not. after that, me and the girl who is having my 2nd child, have been getting along great. we are actually trying to work things out and be with each other. personally, i dont know if any of that would have happened if i hadnt gone to my grandfathers grave and asked for signs and help. now the backstory with my grandfather, is that he was a major influence as to who i am. he basically raised me along with my brother due to my dad whom abandoned every single one of his kids.

    1. wilderness profile image95
      wildernessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You're not saying God is there because of a new baby.   You are saying God is (maybe) there because of a new baby.  Make up your mind which you want to accept as true.

      A little pop psychology here.  You could have shrugged and said "Well, the baby is unusual in this case, but certainly not impossible.  No reason to think God did it".  Or you can, and did, say "Wow - that can't have happened without God - He must be there helping me."

      It very much sounds like you are looking for reasons to believe; you want to believe and will grasp at any straw to enforce that belief.  Fine - talk to believers, follow their faith and build on your own.  Take instances like this as a clear indication that God is helping you, and never, ever tell yourself that it happens all the time, that it was just your turn to be on the small end of the probability curve.  Don't deny to others that the child is an indication of God, just accept that it is.

      Go with what you want out of your life - you will be a happier person for it.

  9. whitacre1880 profile image60
    whitacre1880posted 11 years ago

    i can honestly i tell you that i am/was an atheist. you dont know my background and the things that i have had happen to me in my short life. so dont sit there and tell me i was never an atheist and never will be. keep that opinion to yourself unless you know me personally. on another note, if you would have read my last response to everthing or even my very first description of the origin of this forum, you never wouldve asked your questions. so you commenting on this one is pointless, and two clearly pisses me off cuz you havent read anthing else on here, obviously

    1. Slarty O'Brian profile image82
      Slarty O'Brianposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Guess I hit a nerve. Too bad. I thought you were serious. If you had actually read my post you would know I didn't say you weren't an atheist, I said I don't think you are an atheist yet. I said perhaps you would never be (fully) an atheist. 

      Notice the qualifiers "I don't think" you are an atheist "yet". " and "perhaps" you never will be. I don't have to know you to make that statement. Your words tell me that.

      Why does that bother you? You are questioning, so naturally you might be reverting back to being religious. That's your dilemma, isn't it? Some people swing back and forth all their lives. I didn't insult you. I stated a fact based on what you said..

      Sorry it all pissed you off. But you are just pissed off at your own words framed differently. That's rather odd, isn't it?

  10. whitacre1880 profile image60
    whitacre1880posted 11 years ago

    i am so much more aware that life is a journey. its the growing process. it doesnt matter how old you are, we all still have some growing up to do in different aspects of life. rebekah, with your comment about believing in yourself and being willing to grow and participate in this thing called life, i do believe in myself. in every aspect of life. i know my potential. im a former soldier who is going to re-enlist to make sure his kids can have the life they deserve. do i hate that i will miss a lot their lives? yes, but kids are about sacrifice. so i will sacrifice time i could be having with them everyday, to make sure they have the life i never had. when i was in the service, i got promoted to e4 in a year. that normally takes 2 years. i know i have the brains and the drive to do whatever. im going to reiterate, i asked my dead grandfather for help, and since then, things have been going great. what if i never went to his grave? what if i never asked for that help? what would have happened then? maybe i wouldnt be where i am today. maybe the relationships with both my daughters moms would be sour. but they arent. one of them im still madly in love with and she knows it. and she still loves me. which is why we are working on things. the other mom, me and her are civiil and only talk when it concerns our daughter. which is how it should be, to an extent. but the whole participating in life thing is where im stumbled. i was on the brink of killing myself. and i didnt. yes, i have my first born and the mother of my second daughter to thank. but was that fate? or was that an act of God? thats where im confused

    1. Kathryn L Hill profile image78
      Kathryn L Hillposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Read the new testament with an open mind...not with the eyes of a church, but the eyes of your soul. Your own soul has the answer you seek. Every child is a gift. This child came to help you. And you will help this child.

  11. whitacre1880 profile image60
    whitacre1880posted 11 years ago

    actually slarty, in the last post you did, you reworded your sentence and added a few words. this is your original quote: "I don't think you are an atheist yet. Perhaps you never will be." Wording it like that, means you think im full of shit, basically, because i say im atheist and youre saying im not yet, and perhaps i never i will be. i took that is in i was never an atheist and never will be. you now rewording makes it sound better. especially when you added "(fully)" in your opening statement to your last post. i do apologize to you for kind of going off and for misconstruing the words you originally wrote.

  12. LauraD093 profile image70
    LauraD093posted 11 years ago

    Stop questioning and just be-something is moving you currently and giving you opportunities for joy and movement away from dark thoughts-Ride it -doubt serves no purpose whether you want to call it God or a feeling of spiritual enlightenment just let yourself feel instead of over-thinking or picking apart the process. I hope you remain in the light whatever it may turn out to be for you.


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