Why do people talk about the deceased with glowing reference at funerals?
It seems to me that every funeral I've been too, it doesn't matter what the deceased was like, they turn into absolute saints upon death. Why is this. Even if they were a complete prick in life? I have heard the saying don't speak ill of the dead, but surely the truth is best?
People "do" believe one should not speak ill of the dead. I think it's insane. Maybe they even believe the ghost of the dead will haunt them. It's a mystery to me. I suppose I'm from the school of "If you can't say anything good, say nothing".
The same question haunted me in my childhood and youth. I used to feel very intensely in same way you have expressed! But as I grow older, I feel may be, as Fay Paxton has said here "if you can't say anything good, say nothing" is a better culture.
The cynic in me says that there is a selfish motive behind this. Perhaps no one wants to be spoken ill of when he/she dies, simply by following his own practice of talking ill of others upon death!
Well you don't speak ill of the dead because they can't defend themselves, what if you died and somebody just said all this bad stuff about you and it wasn't even true? A real prick doesn't have anyone coming to his funeral anyway so that doesn't matter. Maybe someone was mostly prickish right so therefore the 'saintly' type of send off seems a bit odd. But even though that may be the case going off on a tirade at the funeral will not bring you any peace. Infact you will look like a real jerk like come on we know bob was a prick but you should have told him on your own time while he was alive. You think people go to someone's funeral to hear about how much of a prick the person was ? No, they go to say goodbye to their friend or family member that they loved.
I really don't do funerals for this very reason.
Too many fake people,some of which weren't even on speaking terms with the deceased.But want or attempt to say things of the deceased.Good or bad if you were so inclined and concerned it's already known by the deceased and these words are only for show.
I have every intention of missing my own funeral.
Gosh, I ask this question so many times myself...WHY??
So, if the person was good and 'cause of time and ego constraints people could not convey it to him; i guess to convey it at a funeral would be good.
But, about those, who were pain in the A**.
I guess saying good things about him could be another way to assure us that we could have done a better job in making that relationship a peaceful one...I guess it is another way of being at peace with ourself and putting all those bad incidents with that person behind...
People operate out of fear primarily.. but I agree with most of the comments here.. "if you cant say anything good, heck dont say anything at all!!" And for chrissakes pls do not show your fakin butt up ther!! What a final insult.
I've always ask myself that question too. I think that we should put it all out there and say what we want. If a guy is a jerk alive you know he's gotta be the same in the "hot spot"...or in "the light".But the thing you gotta think about is ...if you're at somebody's funeral that means that somewhere in your heart that you at least liked the guy...I hope. Kinda like going to one to pick up the ladies.lol. Maybe I'll lash out at one and some others will do the same untill everyone else is condemned to that hot plate down under.
These particular things are not true!
At my Dad's funeral, I am his daughter, mourning the fact that I no longer have a Daddy.
It is not necessary for YOU to tell me NOW, during my official 'goodbye', that my Daddy was a skirt chasing , gambling, drunk who could not keep a job and support his family. If no other thing can be said, it will be true, that he fathered me. A new chance was born.
It is for respect of the family and those who are grieving a loss.
If you can't find something good to say, IF you are asked to speak.........do not attend.
Again, these things are not true of my Dad.
I deliberately put in my will for people NOT to sugar coat my funeral and to speak the truth. Think about it, that would be the best funeral ever.
1. Because we all believe that there is good deep inside everyone, so some of our grief comes out in trying to desperately uncover it in the way someone lived.
2. Because when someone is alive, we think we can still change them. When they die, we are forced to accept them as they were.
Because it is only in death that we realize our own life's value. We want to remember, grab at, exaggerate, touch on anything redeeming because we are reminded by the casket, the urn, the absence of the person we are eulogizing...that someday we, too, will be in the container.
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