Why do people talk about the deceased with glowing reference at funerals?

Jump to Last Post 1-12 of 12 discussions (12 posts)
  1. Michelle Craig profile image61
    Michelle Craigposted 13 years ago

    Why do people talk about the deceased with glowing reference at funerals?

    It seems to me that every funeral I've been too, it doesn't matter what the deceased was like, they turn into absolute saints upon death.  Why is this.  Even if they were a complete prick in life?  I have heard the saying don't speak ill of the dead, but surely the truth is best?

    https://usercontent1.hubstatic.com/4708274_f260.jpg

  2. profile image0
    Fay Paxtonposted 13 years ago

    People "do" believe one should not speak ill of the dead.  I think it's insane.  Maybe they even believe the ghost of the dead will haunt them.  It's a mystery to me.  I suppose I'm from the school of "If you can't say anything good, say nothing".

  3. C.V.Rajan profile image60
    C.V.Rajanposted 13 years ago

    The same question haunted me in my childhood and youth. I used to feel very intensely in same way you have expressed! But as I grow older, I feel may be, as Fay Paxton has said here "if you can't say anything good, say nothing" is a better culture.

    The cynic in me says that there is a selfish motive behind this. Perhaps no one wants to be spoken ill of when he/she dies, simply by following his own practice of talking ill of others upon death!

  4. Roger Rabbit profile image59
    Roger Rabbitposted 13 years ago

    Well you don't speak ill of the dead because they can't defend themselves, what if you died and somebody just said all this bad stuff about you and it wasn't even true? A real prick doesn't have anyone coming to his funeral anyway so that doesn't matter. Maybe someone was mostly prickish right so therefore the 'saintly' type of send off seems a bit odd. But even though that may be the case going off on a tirade at the funeral will not bring you any peace. Infact you will look like a real jerk like come on we know bob was a prick but you should have told him on your own time while he was alive. You think people go to someone's funeral to hear about how much of a prick the person was ? No, they go to say goodbye to their friend or family member that they loved.

  5. Rastamermaid profile image68
    Rastamermaidposted 13 years ago

    I really don't do funerals for this very reason.

    Too many fake people,some of which weren't even on speaking terms with the deceased.But want or attempt to say things of the deceased.Good or bad if you were so inclined and concerned it's already known by the deceased and these words are only for show.

    I have every intention of missing my own funeral.

  6. Ruchira profile image76
    Ruchiraposted 13 years ago

    Gosh, I ask this question so many times myself...WHY??

    So, if the person was good and 'cause of time and ego constraints people could not convey it to him; i guess to convey it at a funeral would be good.

    But, about those, who were pain in the A**.
    I guess saying good things about him could be another way to assure us that we could have done a better job in making that relationship a peaceful one...I guess it is another way of being at peace with ourself and putting all those bad incidents with that person behind...

  7. Ashantina profile image60
    Ashantinaposted 13 years ago

    People operate out of fear primarily.. but I agree with most of the comments here.. "if you cant say anything good, heck dont say anything at all!!" And for chrissakes pls do not show your fakin butt up ther!! What a final insult.

  8. mikielikie profile image61
    mikielikieposted 13 years ago

    I've always ask myself that question too. I think that we should put it all out there and say what we want. If a guy is a jerk alive you know he's gotta be the same in the "hot spot"...or in "the light".But the thing you gotta think about is ...if you're at somebody's funeral that means that somewhere in your heart that you at least liked the guy...I hope. Kinda like going to one to pick up the ladies.lol. Maybe I'll lash out at one and some others will do the  same untill everyone else is condemned to that hot plate down under.

  9. onegoodwoman profile image68
    onegoodwomanposted 13 years ago

    These particular things are not true!


    At my Dad's funeral, I am his daughter, mourning the fact that I no longer have a Daddy.

    It is not necessary for YOU to tell me NOW, during my official 'goodbye', that my Daddy was a skirt chasing , gambling, drunk who could not keep a job and support his family.  If no other thing can be said, it will be true, that he fathered me.  A new chance was born.

    Get it!?

    It is for respect of the family and those who are grieving a loss.

    If you can't find something good to say, IF you are asked to speak.........do not attend.


    Again, these things are not true of my Dad.

  10. DonDWest profile image71
    DonDWestposted 13 years ago

    I deliberately put in my will for people NOT to sugar coat my funeral and to speak the truth. Think about it, that would be the best funeral ever.

  11. Pedroemose profile image59
    Pedroemoseposted 13 years ago

    1.  Because we all believe that there is good deep inside everyone, so some of our grief comes out in trying to desperately uncover it in the way someone lived.

    2.  Because when someone is alive, we think we can still change them.  When they die, we are forced to accept them as they were.

  12. Janell Rhiannon profile image61
    Janell Rhiannonposted 13 years ago

    Because it is only in death that we realize our own life's value. We want to remember, grab at, exaggerate, touch on anything redeeming because we are reminded by the casket, the urn, the absence of the person we are eulogizing...that someday we, too, will be in the container.

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)