If your child came out to you as LGBT, what would you do? What would you say? Wh

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   jlparkposted 10 years ago

   If your child came out to you as LGBT, what would you do? What would you say? Why?
   
   What would you do? What would you say? Why would you do or say that?
   I'm asking this from a neutral POV - I will delete comments that disparage anyone's honesty about what they would do/say - I am looking at a series of hubs, and would like people to be honest, and not feel judged (also - I will be asking the same question in several different places on here to get an good cross section)

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   FatFreddysCatposted 10 years ago

   Honestly, I would probably just shrug and say "Hey, it's your life. If that's what works for you, go nuts."
   
   ...or I would quote my Dad, who once said "You can f*** buffalo for all I care, just don't make me watch," just cuz I always thought that line was hilarious.

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      jlparkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your answer - your dad seems like a wise man!

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   Aime Fposted 10 years ago

   I would say something along the lines of "That's great, honey - you do what makes you happy." I would let her know that I support her in whatever decisions she makes regarding her sexuality: If she wants to come out to everyone, if she wants to keep it as private as possible, if she wants to get married, if she wants to adopt children.... I will back her up.

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      jlparkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your answer!

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   Cheeky Girlposted 10 years ago

   As someone who is bi, I am completely supportive. My own grandparents had a handful when I came out at age 15. Love is love, and it's not gender based. People can end up in any situation. Being lesbian, gay, bi, or transgender is not a choice but a circumstance. The hardest part of being a parent is accepting that and trying not to find "blame" anywhere.
   
   Tell the person to just love and be herself or himself, and never be judgmental or narrow-minded. I would also mention some great role models who are lesbian or gay, and say "look at what they are doing... you can be anything you want." Don't let your kids feel like victims, or allow them to become too dependent on certain parental behaviors. Children are only indoor plants up to a certain age, and then they can grow outside in the "elements" when ready. Don't molly coddle them.
   
   There does not have to be obstacles. However the best part of being a parent is to be the safety net for that child if something happens, and to always be there to protect and look out for her or him, from a distance. Also give kids the chance to make mistakes and learn themselves.
   
   When a person comes out, there is a lot of confusion and uncertainty. Adding to that confusion with one's own ignorance not good parenting. Parents have to look beyond how they might look in the world or their sphere of intimates if they feel singled out, embarrassed or ostracized. I know it is hard for a parent to put a child first. It's much easier to just tell the child to just "fit in". But that is really a crock. Loving caring parents don't abandon their child. And they should not dismiss them, or else they risk being "dismissed" themselves as parents.
   
   Remember that parents can shoulder some of that pressure. Parents worry about the rest of the family and neighbors, and that is understandable. But soon as a parent takes a stand in favor of and supporting their child, watch more people move to your side of things.
   
   People avoid conflict and most kinds of unbalancing "elements". But people are not simple. We are not robots or linear beings who accept whatever crap gets shoved down our throat. That was so last century.
   
   I should also point out that age of consent stuff is important and kids who come out need a bit of extra advice on this. Sorry for mentioning. Kids really do need love and guidance from parents and family. And perhaps not all parents know this stuff and they also need guidance. Don't expect parents to know everything.

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      jlparkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Cheeky girl for your answer and advice.

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   NanLTposted 10 years ago

   What would I say? I would say - I love you and accept you fully for who you are.
   
   If it were one of my sons, and I won't specify which, I would also add - I have known this about you since the day you were born. Because when I first held you in my arms, a voice told me this is who you are.

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      jlparkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      NanLT - thanks for sharing. I do hope that the son you speak of does see this - sometimes the struggle goes on for too long inside a person when people already know and are accepting. Thanks for yr answer.

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