Man can create life!!!

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   sooner than laterposted 14 years ago

   The worlds great scientists gathered in a meeting to discuss how they have "created life". One man gloatingly started, "I grew a human ear on the back of a mouse for transplant". The next, "I kept a heart beating in a plasma filled jar for a year" he smiled. A third, "I took a dead man's organs and made them function again".
   
   "God?" they asked. "we don't believe in Him, look how smart WE are" They were very smart too. so smart that it took many magazines and millions of articles to convince the average dummy of how smart they really were. Amazing.
   
   Anyway, God got word of the very very smart men and wanted to see if His creation really was smart enough to create life. "Tell them I would like to see this" God said to the angel that was there. "I'll create something new as well" He finished. The angel rushed down to tell the very very smart men. and... the men agreed. "We don't need Him anymore, we accept the challenge"   
   
   And so it was. God came to their laboratory and the great battle was to begin. The scientists started working in the lab with some dead things. "Wait" said the angel, "bring your own things" he stated. "We are making life" said the smartest. "Thats fine" said the angel, but bring your own ingredients". They looked at eachother and figured that together they could do it. "Lets start from scratch" he stated to the other smart smart men. They all agreed. So he grabbed a jar of dirt from outside and started separating it.
   
   God had finished with a beautiful new breed of parrot and it perched on his shoulder as He sat on a lab counter to watch. The scientists didn't pay much notice to Him because they began to charge the dirt with electricity. "Wait" said the angel to them, "bring your own dirt" he exclaimed. They all looked at eachother in confusion. 
   
   God smiled and spoke to the angel, "Lemonade?"

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      Twenty One Daysposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      My hat to you. Absolutely brilliant!

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         sooner than laterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         thank you.

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   Hokeyposted 14 years ago

   A Jew and a Christian were arguing about the ways of their religion.
   
   The Jewish man said, "You people have been taking things from us for thousands of years; The Ten Commandments, for instance."
   
   The Christian replied, "Well, it's true that we took the Ten Commandments from you, but you can't actually say that we've kept them!"

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      tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      

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      Pr0metheusposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      LOL

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   SandyMcCollumposted 14 years ago

   LOL - I love these!

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      sooner than laterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Me too.

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         pddm67posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Me three

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   Hokeyposted 14 years ago

   Two nuns were in the back of the convent smoking a cigarette, when one said, "It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the butts so that Mother Superior doesn't find them."
   
   The second nun said, "I've found a marvelous invention called a condom which works really well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later."
   
   The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them. "You get them at a drug store, sister. Just go and ask the pharmacist for them."
   
   The next day the good sister went to the drugs store and walked up to the counter."Good morning, sister," the pharmacist said, "what can I do for you today?" "I'd like some condoms please," said the nun.
   
   The druggist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked, "How many boxes would you like? There are 12 to a box." "I'll take six boxes. That should last about a week," said the nun.
   
   The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time and was almost afraid to ask any more questions. But his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice. "Sister, what size condoms would you like? We have large, extra large, and the big liar size."
   
   The sister thought for a minute and finally said: "I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel?"

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   Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

   

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   Hokeyposted 14 years ago

   Repost: Other forum didn't appreciate. Hope you do.
   
   A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
   
   So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
   
   1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
   
   2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
   
   3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
   
   4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
   
   5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
   
   6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
   
   7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
   
   8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t out of him.
   
   9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
   
   10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
   
   11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
   
   12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
   
   13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...
   
   14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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      Susana Sposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      My husband thinks I've gone mad because I am laughing hysterically at the computer screen! That's absolutely fab - I'm saving this one Thanks for sharing Hokey!!

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   sooner than laterposted 14 years ago

   I think our humor is 180 hokey.

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      Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      OOPS!!

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      (Q)posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Are you saying the OP was meant to be humorous?

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   Will Bensonposted 14 years ago

   Father Murphy was delivering one of his hellsfire and brimstone sermons. He shouts out "Everyone going to heaven, stand up!" Everybody stood up. "OK, now sit back down."
   
   Then he roars "Everyone who wants to go to hell, stand up!" Riley stands up. The good Father was beside himself and yells, "Riley, I said if you want to go to HELL stand up -- you don't want to go to hell, do you?"
   
   Says Riley, "No Father...but I felt badly for you standing up there all by yourself."

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      Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Not very funny. 

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         Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Why not? I thought it had a little bit of humor in it. Not enough to post. But, when I saw what you said, not very funny? I had to say it was, because I did find a little bit of humor in it.
         
         Just a thought?

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            Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            thats why I said not VERY funny

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   Cagsilposted 14 years ago

   Man can create life!!!
   
   Of course man can create life, all that's needed is a woman.

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      Wealthmadehealthyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hear hear, this is the only way man can create life without God.

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    Cagsilposted 14 years ago

    I see.

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    Hokeyposted 14 years ago

    The pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out. After about an hour's examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong. He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles. He said that the good news was that all the pope had to do to be cured was to have sex. Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally they went to the pope with the doctor and explained the situation.
    
    After some thought, the pope stated, "I agree, but under four conditions." The cardinals were amazed, and there was quite an uproar. Suddenly a single voice was heard over the top of the noise: "And what are the four conditions?"
    
    The room stilled. There was a long pause. The pope replied, "First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex. "Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex. And third she must be dumb so that if somehow she figures out with who she is having sex, she can tell no one."
    
    After another long pause another voice asked, "And the fourth condition?"
    
    The pope replied, "Big tits."

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    lyricsingrayposted 14 years ago

    @Hokey, I love You.

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       Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I'm jumping aroung forums looking for you

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          tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          
          
          

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             Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             What? 

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                Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                Need an explanation? I hope not.

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                   Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   Shhhhhh! Cagsil. tantrum might be around.

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                      tantrumposted 14 years agoin reply to this

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                         Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                         What? 

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          lyricsingrayposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          I'm here

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             Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             How ya doing?

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                lyricsingrayposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                good now
                
                you ok?

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                   Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   Yeah. I am doing ok. Just been playing around on here and writing in my notebooks. Also working on new song on guitar.

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                      lyricsingrayposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                      my email not working and like many nothing from hubpages
                      fun indeed
                      i just love that avatar
                      and you to of course
                      

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                         Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                         I am literally melting. 

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                            lyricsingrayposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                            don't melt
                            I need you my friend

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                               Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                               I'm back. Was publishing one of my songs. The Times are Changing. Really just called time but of course that was already taken. 

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                                  lyricsingrayposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                                  going right now to read it

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                                     earnestshubposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                                     I will break out the old Martin D28 and join you. Maybe we can make another version of it.

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                                        Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                                        Anytime brother! Anytime!

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                                        SirDentposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                                        I could join in on bass guitar. James Watkins is a drummer also so maybe we could invite him.

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                                           earnestshubposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                                           We got us a jam!

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    Mark Knowlesposted 14 years ago

    Time for some visual humor.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    Sorry if I left your personal irrational belief system out.

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       Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       

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    WriteAngledposted 14 years ago

    A man arrived at the gates of Heaven.
    
    St. Peter asked, "Religion?"
    
    The man said, "Methodist."
    
    St. Peter looked down his list and said," Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."
    
    Another man arrived at the gates of Heaven.
    
    "Religion?"
    
    "Catholic."
    
    "Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."
    
    A third man arrived at the gates.
    
    "Religion?"
    
    "Jewish."
    
    "Go to Room 11 but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."
    
    The man said, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass Room 8?"
    
    St. Peter told him, "Well, the Baptists are in Room 8, and they think they're the only ones here."

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       earnestshubposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       

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          Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Wonderful!!!!!! 

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    Hokeyposted 14 years ago

    Your welcome!!!!!

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       earnestshubposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Quality all the way! Very funny, I would like to keep this one as well. Did you write it yourself?

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          Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          I would love to say yes but Karma will not permit. So no. It is great though! Had to share it! 

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    WriteAngledposted 14 years ago

    From the late, great Dave Allen
    
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpVjBBDMOoA

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       earnestshubposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you so much! Tears of laughter!
       Such a clever mind. He makes the case clearly that you can't even get this crap past a 4 year old!

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    sooner than laterposted 14 years ago

    I have not been on in a while. Did they change the complete format or is my computer not like back home?

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    lyricsingrayposted 14 years ago

    Hi Earnest

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       earnestshubposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Hi Kimberly.

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    qwarkposted 14 years ago

    St. Peter greeted Sister Mary at the golden gates.
    
    You've done wonderful work Sister, but god demands I ask a question before we can open the Golden Gates and allow you to pass.
    
    Sister, What were the first words Eves spoke to Adam?
    
    Sister pondered that for a moment, looked puzzled and said to St Peter:... "My! That's a hard one!"
    
    St. Peter smiled, turned and said "Joshua, you may open the gates!"
    
    I know it's an oldie but goodie...lol

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       earnestshubposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       :lol;

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    StormRyderposted 14 years ago

    I create life every now and then if I don't clean the leftovers out of the fridge often enough!

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