Haha! Glad to see it was just a joke, Dent, and a funny one at that. Thought you'd really gone over the edge when I saw the title, was expecting gloom and doom and calls to repent. Happy to see you're still relatively sane.
Man: God, how much is a million dollars to you? God: It is but a penny. Man: God, how long is a million years to you? God: It is but a second. Man: God, could you please give me a penny? God: Sure, just a second.
A Rabbi & A Priest were close friends. Each Month the Priest would invite the Rabbi to Atlantic City for a day of gambling. The Rabbi always refused. One day, the Priest called, very exited, he had won a large amount of money and bought a shiny, red, sports car. He invited his friend for a ride. The Rabbi accepted. They drove off -- wind in their hair. As they approached a curve, the car spun out of control, flipped and threw them both fifty feet. The Priest looked over at the Rabbi, half out of it and saw him make the "sign of the cross". Weeks later, they were talking over lunch about the accident and the Priest could not help but ask, "Rabbi, after the accident, I looked over and swore I saw you make the "sign of the cross". The Rabbi laughed. "I did no such thing." The Priest insisted and asked what he was doing then. "Looking", said the Rabbi. "For what?", griped the Priest:
A young boy asks his minister, "will I go to Heaven if I am a good boy at home and at school"? No, the minister said "What about if I get rich and give lots of money to charities"? No, the minister said "How about if I become a Missionary to some tribes in the jungle"? No, the minister said "What if I give myself to serve the poor"? No, the minister said Becoming quite frustrated, the boy asks, "So, what DO I have to do to get to Heaven"?
A Rabbi went to the barber shop. After his hair cut, he got ready to pay the barber and the barber said, "No Rabbi, I don't charge the clergy for haircuts." So the next morning the barber found a loaf of Jewish rye bread outside of his door step.
A couple of days past and a Catholic priest came in to get his hair cut. He got ready to pay and the barber said, "No Father, I don't charge the clergy for hair cuts." So the next morning he found a bottle of wine outside his front door step.
A couple of days later the Baptist preacher came in to get his hair cut and when he got ready to pay the barber said, "No Reverend, I don't charge the clergy for their hair cuts." So the next morning, the barber found 15 Baptist preachers on his doorstep, ready to get their hair cut!
hree pastors went to the pastor convention and were all sharing one room. The first pastor said, "Let's confess our secret sins one to another. I'll start - my secret sin is I just love to gamble. When I go out of town, it's cha-ching cha-ching, let the machines ring."
The second pastor said, "My secret sin is that I just hate working. I copy all my sermons from those given by other pastors."
The third pastor said, "My secret sin is gossiping and, oh boy, I just can't wait to get out of this room!"