Screwdrivers at a funeral

1. 59

   Disappearingheadposted 11 years ago

   According to the gospels, Jesus told his disciples to heal the sick and raise the dead. Why is it then that 2000 years later we don't take screwdrivers to funerals?
   
   Has the western Church lost its faith, lost it's vision, lost the plot? Or was Jesus only talking to those apostles and we assume that this commission was for us also?
   
   Perhaps God looks at the Western Church and thinks that if he granted his power to them to raise the dead, then the world would think he endorsed the Church's carnality, greed, false doctrines, and TV evangelist fraudsters. Thus for the sake of his glory he refuses to distribute his "holy Spirit" gifts.
   
   I for one have never seen a miracle or a healing, let alone someone being raised from the dead, yet these things were the common experience of the Churches in Acts. What's gone wrong?

   replyreport
   1. 44

      shamelabboushposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Age of miracles is over buddy, long ago....

      replyreport
   2. 60

      mischeviousmeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      None of it ever happened, the bible is nothing more than a work of fiction and it's not all that powerful... Unless you leave your brain at home.

      replyreport
      1. 84

         Wesman Todd Shawposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Scientism, or materialist philosopher?  Or are you just an arrogant prick?

         replyreport
         1. 60

            mischeviousmeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Nope, just calling it like I see it. If the written word were meant to be followed to a tee, I'd be worshipping the catcher in the rye. So what's the difference between a Stephen King novel and the bible? My answer; The number of pages...

            replyreport
            1. 84

               Wesman Todd Shawposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               So the Jews never lived in Palestine in your world view - that's so brilliant that I don't know where to go from here.
               
               History doesn't exist, I'd best run check to see if the sky is falling....

               replyreport
               1. 60

                  mischeviousmeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  You can choose to believe the rantings of 2000 years dead savages or, you can leave the past behind and move ahead. If all the crap in the bible were litterally true, we'd all be screwed...

                  replyreport
                  1. 84

                     Wesman Todd Shawposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                     Savages?  So how long have you been an Anti Semite?  Was Jesus just another of those crazy conniving Jew conspiracies?
                     
                     So Moses' allegory of creation that well explained the vastness of time and creation in a manner that nomadic goat herders of any intelligence could comprehend on one level or another - that's "Savage" to you?
                     
                     Let's see your great work, Sir, and see how you're brighter than Moses.

                     replyreport
         2. 74

            BLACKANDGOLDJACKposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            I’m not going to say he’s an arrogant prick. I already got banned once.
            
            But this guy did reply to a post of mine that he didn’t like: “Go write a hub and maybe I’ll take the above comment seriously.” This was two weeks ago on the very first topic I ever posted on (“Stop plagiarizing the Bible and write something original).
            
            Oh, I’m not ticked at him. He did me a favor. I got motivated to write some hubs, and now I’m going to write many more, on a wide variety of subjects. Something I actually had no intention of doing, until he alerted me to the fact that unless you have hubs you must be stupid. Yeah, I did him a favor too, and I see that he has now changed his profile to read “archeologist” instead of “archiologist.”
            
            Well, please excuse me now. I’m going to make a batch of screwdrivers (gotta have your orange juice in the morning) and watch Benny Hinny raise some people from the dead on TV. This is my favorite reality show.

            replyreport
            1. 60

               mischeviousmeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               Who is it that can speak their own mind? Is it necessary to have one's mind clouded and under the control of other people? I chose to have a free mind, don't get angry at me for not having a mind of your own. I broke away from mainstream religion and I feel better for it. I remain mindful of myself and how I affect others, I'm sorry if I offended you in any way. I must have had a bad morning the day I picked at you, but at least I don't pick at any one individual, I pick more at the unoriginallity of religious regurgitation.
               
               If one is just reading a book line for line and living in it's pages, they are not living... They are mirroring. Refrain from redundant language and speak/write from the self, otherwise the words appear not to be the pure motivation of the speaker/writer. Being minful of the language used, is being mindful of the listener/reader. I must admit I've stepped outside of these lines and for that, I am ashamed. I still think that I am no better than anyone here, even though I may disagree from time to time. I do not hold one's mispellings and grammar against them, that's just petty and rude.

               replyreport
   3. 60

      kessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      At the inception of the religion which carries the book, the christ was systematically banished from the church...
      
      Open their books and read it is all recorded for you to know. The Christ has become a book, which speaks to their comdemnation.
      
      The Truth Christ is where it has always been, with every man who would seek to know Him, and it has continued His work in this world by healing and delivering, but in such obscurity not many have nor will ever realize this.
      
      For that church the antichrist have cleverly hidden the Christ that the very elect were deceived.

      replyreport
   4. 59

      A Troubled Manposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      They're usually served at the open bar.

      replyreport
2. 0

   Emile Rposted 11 years ago

   I agree, but I'm confused by the title. Is that a mixed drink for the funeral or a hand tool? If a hand tool, flat head or philips? I'm not sure how any fits into your statement.

   replyreport
   1. 60

      mischeviousmeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      To open the coffins, though I think you'd need a claw hammer, coffins used to have nails.

      replyreport
   2. 88

      IzzyMposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I want to know that too, Emile!

      replyreport
      1. 93

         wildernessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Presumably the hand tool.
         
         But it is a torx head - much easier for power tools to grasp.  A screwgun puts the coffin together with much stronger joints, after all, and we don't want the zombies getting out!

         replyreport
         1. 59

            Disappearingheadposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            By screwdriver I mean hand tool. That is would the Christian have enough faith to believe they could raise someone from the dead at a funeral, in view of the horrified looks from the deceased's familly? It would take some chutzpah certainly.
            
            Yes good strong joints last longer.

            replyreport
            1. 74

               BLACKANDGOLDJACKposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               Oh, you're talking about a tool.
               
               In medieval Scotland a tool was invented called the thumbscrew (aka pilliwinks) to determine if people were really dead. The screwer would keep screwing until the screwee quit screaming and therefore the screwee was determined to be dead.
               
               On the subject of liquid screwdrivers at a funeral, the problem is the vodka. Just look at all the heathens in Russia. The Bible says use a wine for thy stomach's sake, but it don't say nothing about vodka.
               
               Satan invented vodka. You can't smell it on somebody at a funeral and often can't tell they're drunk until they climb into the coffin to visit with the guest of honor.

               replyreport
               1. 87

                  Jason Marovichposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  At least the Russians never used pilliwinks...

                  replyreport
               2. 59

                  Disappearingheadposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  

                  replyreport