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Fact not fiction, Dan Quinn style: DQ Snaps a MMA Opponent's Collarbone in Half

Updated on July 5, 2013

Dan talks about his college football days and a punch that may have killed Lupua

Dan almost gets knocked out
Dan almost gets knocked out | Source
Pummeled into the chain links
Pummeled into the chain links | Source
Stevia kicks in
Stevia kicks in | Source

"Had i stayed down and really f*ckin blasted off? Man maybe instead of just breaking his collarbone, that right hand woulda killed him."

You might expect a towering, lanky, square-headed, Frankenstein-looking, trash talking nut like Dan to fight in the same way that Ol' Dirty Bastard used to spit rhymes-- drunken master style. Guns blazing. High risk, low reward. Not giving a damn. Arms flailing everywhere.

Nuh-uh, son.

Against Lupua, when the bell goes "ding" Dan freezes up like a statue.

In the opening seconds of the fight, Dan looks stiff and defensive. It's hard to tell if these first awkward movements are part of a strategy, or just the result of plain fear. Dan dances around the ring, toeing Lupua. Compared to the much meatier fighter, "lean-and-ripped" DQ looks like an escaped concentration camp prisoner.

Dan bounces around some more, and then Lupua charges in like a bull. He lands a powerful punch that throws Dan against the fence.

A minute into the fight, Quinn looks like he's going down for good. Lupua presses him into the chain links like a piece of trampled gum on the sidewalk. Quinn lifts his knee and pokes Lupua's stomach with it. It's Dan's first strike, if you want to call it that.

Dan's knee tap only makes Lupua angry. With renewed inspiration, Lupua returns to wailing away on Quinn's stomach. Each uppercut sends Quinn up about 3 inches in the air. The fence is absorbing some of the impact, but those punches have to hurt. With his mouth curled into a painful wince, eyes squeezed shut, Dan turns his head toward the supporters in his corner. "He's getting tired!" someone shouts, encouraging Dan to do something. Anything. "C'mon Dan!"

Dan's body looks like a scarecrow being ripped apart by a twister of Lupua uppercuts. "Knee, Dan! Knee! Knee!"

Suddenly, Dan gets loose. Maybe he senses that Lupua is getting tired. Maybe that stevia-weed-meth cocktail is finally kicking in.

Dan blocks two sloppy Lupua hooks and wheels out of the corner. Lupua stumbles backwards, sucking air; he's been rope-a-doped.

Unlike Dan, who has been fighting since 1998, this is Lupua's first match. He's probably puzzled. A minute ago, Dan looked like he was about to go down. Lupua threw everything he could dish out, but it wasn't enough. Now, eying Lupua like a side of beef, DQ slides in for the kill with the "let-me-get-it" confidence of a wolf unzipping his sheep suit. To the extreme delight of his fans in the corner, Dan starts grinding away at Lupua's upper body. All Lupua can do is try to hide behind his gloves, try to catch his breath.

After Dan unloads several times, Lupua staggers back clutching his shoulder. Something is wrong, and the ref steps in to end the fight.

Lupua's collarbone is broken. Dan wins. And the world has moved one step closer to knowing all about the miracle of stevia, Lucifer Lou and the battle-enhancing wonder of Pure H20.


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