Why Cyclists Wear Lycra!
It seems “quite a stretch”-
for some manly men to wear stretchy pants!
Butt- let me assure you the cycling short is a “tool”.
Lycra and spandex wick away moisture.
They glide over surfaces (with your surfaces) to prevent chafing.
The materials prevent the build-up of moisture and bacteria in a place you don’t need more moisture and bacteria.
Air flows through the synthetic fibers easily.
Different panels of the cycling shorts are made of different materials.
Some panels will stretch in all directions, some panels ‘breathe’ better than others, and some panels can squeeze the thighs like compression socks squeeze the calves.
What we have here is a snug fit!
For a male it holds the luggage up very much like an athletic supporter.
That would be as in “jock strap” and not “booster club member”.
The best part of the cyclist’s shorts is the chamois!
This is like a smooth, slick diaper to add some special padding to protect several tender spots on men and women.
Neanderthal man had only wool cycling shorts with a leather chamois.
You could go for a bike ride with snug fitting wool shorts that might itch you crazy, but you’re coming back with loose fitting wool Bermuda shorts that look pretty silly.
Today there are many lubricants and anti bacterial creams to lube your “seat/chamois” with.
But for Neanderthal man there were no magic creams like:
Butt Butter, Butt Balm, Bun Butter, Wazoo Wiz, Crack Cream, Red Eye Rouge, Crappuccino, Oil of Ole, Udder Butter, Motion Lotion, Bladder Batter, SkidMarx, etc.
The primitive cyclist originally had a “loincloth” that he strapped around himself.
(sorry about the male connotations- feminism hadn’t been invented yet).
Occasionally, for those really long rides, the early cyclist would put a large slice of dinosaur steak in his loin cloth; this would provide the extra “cushion” to alleviate discomfort.
When the cyclist arrived at his destination he would have a steak that was- already “tenderized”!
Sometimes- partially cooked!
So nowadays the cycling short is scientifically designed- butt tested!
The cycling short is padded, cleaner, lighter, dryer, and cooler.
The cyclist's short helps the cyclist to be more efficient.
It helps the cyclist be faster!
So the next time you see that cyclist with the spandex butt, please remember that the cyclist's short is a tool!
Butt- it helps the cyclist to be more comfortable!
And comfort is the utmost reason for bicycling shorts!
Butt- please, before you criticize the spandex or lycra material, remember that there are worse alternatives to the cyclists' shorts!
Be tolerant of the cyclist and all other life forms!
Let's hope that lycra is here to stay!
In other news- there was a protest in San Francisco this week-end as tensions mount against the textile industry leaving the United States and leaving many Americans without jobs.
The theme of this demonstration was to wear only products made in the continental United States.
A helmet was all this guy could find?
This participant had the most afro-dynamical attire except for her hat.
I'm not sure it was made in the US either!
Her children are so proud too!
Some participants were determined to "keep it green"!
Not even a hat eh?
You couldn't even find a hat?
Are you folks even looking for American made products?
The US Dairy Association showed their support.
The support of the ASPCA was very visible.
McDonalds showed us their stuff.
One lady came all the way from the North Pole to protest.
Some people had been there for at least a couple moons.
So- you're wearing a mask - so that no one will recognize you?
That bike is not yours!
You have the seat almost all the way down and it still appears high!
And- what's the telephoto lens for?
Well- I do believe we've seen about everything!
Another thought in passing:
Be careful buying a used bike in San Francisco!